News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™      


Joy, Love, and Peace for 2018

Attitiude Reconstruction  


December 2018                                              Love In The Holiday Season


Jude Bijou 
Jude Bijou MA MFT is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her multi award- winning book is a practical and spiritual handbook to help you create the life you desire.  

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"All we really know about him is that he likes cookies and has a foot fetish."

"Of course I love you more than cheese. What a silly question. In fact, cheese and I are just friends. Nothing's going on between cheese and me."

"I love talking to you about my problems. We should do a podcast."


"I've had to whine hard for everything I've ever really wanted."

Greetings dear ones,   

    This month's newsletter revolves around the emotion of love and lays out how to generate more of it in your life. My suggestion for having a wonderful holiday season is to keep remembering what this time of year is really about -- experiencing and spreading joy, love, and peace. If we keep our eyes on the goal, then we can choose not get too caught up in buying the gifts, eating too much, drinking too much, or being the grump.

A Few Articles and Stuff of Interest   
Here's some sad and bad news for those of us who love to bake holiday cookies. You're risking it when you eat raw dough.  
What a record to hold. A German teenager lost his drivers license 49 minutes after passing his test.   
This article makes the case for occasional and regular marriage check-ups.  
Like that soda? Diabetics beware! Research has shown that soda is worse for you than other sugary foods!  
And one last, that I just saw yesterday. There is good news. Octomom, who gave birth to 8 babies at once, has created a close knit and healthy family. fyi -- the "kids" are turning 10. 
Videos Guaranteed to Bring a Smile!    
If a horse can comfort humans who are sick, we should be able to as well. Meet Peyo, the horse therapist .  
Animals sometime have difficulty sharing too.
  And a favorite character of mine, Debbie Downer , on Christmas.
This is what you do if you are John Krasinski and you have a lot of time of your hands, money, and Jimmy Kimmel as your neighbor. So it seems to be a tradition to see who can out punk the other at Christmas.   
"We're spending Christmas with our grandparents in the Land of Forced Smiles."
  Most all cartoons "borrowed" from the Cartoonbank.   

About Love
       According to Attitude Reconstruction, there are only six emotions. They exist in opposing pairs -- sadness and joy, anger and love, and fear and peace. Each emotion has it's own distinct physical sensation and corresponding thoughts and actions. We have hundreds of feelings but they all funnel back to one or more of the six emotions.
       It being the holiday season, it seems appropriate to review the emotion of love, since that is what the season is supposed to be about. 
        You've heard the trite expression "love is an inside job." I have to believe it, because given the same situation, every person will have a different experience. For the ones with full hearts, their experience will be glorious. For the ones who are impatient, holding a grudge or feeling bad about themselves, love will be colored by those flavors. The key is to remember we are indeed masters of our own destinies and have choice at every moment. Whether we choose to give into our woundings or come from our highest knowing is up to us.   
        Do you ever wonder what traits truly loving folks have in common? According to Attitude Reconstruction they have four. First, they speak and act aligned with their heart. Second, they genuinely accept other people, things, and situations. Third, they are not judgmental but show compassion and empathy to all. An d last, they are not selfish but give to others without a personal motive except to show others they care and offer help. In addition, loving people are positive and strive to find solutions to differences that best honor everyone concerned.
Most of us already possess these loving attitudes to some degree. If you recognize there are some qualities that you are lacking but are yearning for, you don't have to make a complete transformation before tomorrow. Just take a little step each day and you will notice the difference.
"Next Christmas, I drive the cattle, you go see Mom." 
How to Increase Feelings of Love
Here are easy ways feel more love:
1.   Eleven times a day (or more) repeat: "People and things are the way they are, not the way I want them to be. "
Your expectations and/or lack of acceptance of other people, things, and situations are what keeps you feeling angry. Instead, over and over, remind yourself that people and things are the way they are. Only then will you be able to respond to whatever opportunity is presenting itself from a centered place. You don't have to agree with what others say, do, or believe. Just accept that that's what is true for them and, as appropriate, speak up what is true for you.
2. Stop focusing on what's lacking in others, and what they are or aren't doing and deal with yourself.
Instead, look within to determine what would be most loving or best for the greater good and talk about yourself. For example, that might mean holding your tongue and not striking back when someone says something unkind. Rather stick to talking about yourself. Or smile at the slow driver, rather than shaking your fist. Ask yourself: "What's true for me about this? What would be most loving?" Line up behind that with what you say and do.
3. Give more.
The act of giving contradicts the tendency to be selfish or self-centered - a stance that goes hand in hand with unexpressed anger. Ask: "How can I help? What can I do?" Offer a helping hand. Offer gifts. These acts of kindness will kindle your heart.
4. Voice appreciations, praise, and gratitudes to yourself and others.
Look for the good in people and attend to the half full of any situation. Write out appreciations, especially about people you are having difficulty with. vigilantly interrupt your trashy thinking and replace it with something positive.
"I love you, Ethan, but I floss alone." 
5. Find a way to move your anger physically and constructively, so that no one or nothing of value is damaged.
Without voicing any blaming or swearing, pound clay or bread dough. Throw rocks. Yank out weeds with abandon. Stomp around. Push against a wall or doorjamb. Lie on your back on your bed and flail your arms and legs. Exercise. Do something somewhere safe, where you can let go and express the energy hard, fast, and with abandon. If you express your anger energy physically and constructively, you'll be too tired to fight! End your healthy meltdown by reminding yourself, "People are the way they are, not the way I want them to be."
6. Minimize hot foods (yep), hot sun, hot topics, hot exercise, hot activities, and violent movies, games, and books.
Choose activities that are cooling, climates that are cooler, foods that aren't spicy, and avoid stimulants, such as alcohol, nicotine, caffeine and energy drinks.
Do a little every day, especially during this holiday season, and you'll feel more love and more connected to others. As an extra benefit, others will be much more attracted to you.

Hey Jude!
How do I know if I'm addicted to sugar?
It doesn't matter if you "love" your coffee, video games, cigarettes, alcohol, sex, the news, exercise, or shopping. Try giving up it  for three weeks, and you'll learn some thing. If you can easily stop, your not  addicted. If it's a struggle or "impossible," you've got an addiction.
At the root of all addictions is the need to escape feeling our sadness, anger, and/or fear by partaking in a substance or activity that is temporarily pleasurable. But at what cost? Your addiction takes you away from experiencing life fully.
When you are refraining from your must-do activity, it makes sense to emote (that is, express your emotions physically and constructively by crying, shivering, or pounding/stomping/yelling). Another good strategy when the impulse to indulge arises is to remember your goal... "I want to feel more joy, love, peace, and feel connected to myself and others. I'm stopping this habit now." And lastly when you are trying to free yourself from your addiction, it's important to interrupt the thoughts about how wonderful and enjoyable your chosen means of escape is! 
It's okay to have a moderate helping of sugar (or virtually any "addictive substance or activity" occasionally. The 
difference is in the frequency. Have or do it once, fine. Eat it 
for two days in a row, and you're on shaky ground. Have some 
for three days running and odds are you are back in 
sugar's grip. Like water seeking its own level, our old habits are just waiting for an invitation to seep back in. 
        I'm sending you best wishes for plenty of love to usher in the New Year!  
Thanks for reading this newsletter. If you have any feedback, suggestions about a newsletter theme, or general comments, I enjoy hearing from you, so feel free to write me at: [email protected]
                           With love,