out of the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT)
™ toward the more resourceful roles of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)
™ requires that we always, always start with one important question. We will explore that vital question in just a moment, but we first want to share the reason this question is so important.
To illustrate this point, think of a time you looked at a map and were trying to figure out the directions of how to get where you wanted to go. You must have two basic points on the map: (1) where you are and (2) where you want to go. Right?
One reason many people get pulled into the DDT and feel victimized
by their current situation is because they don't clarify where they want to go. They look at their life map and say: "I feel stuck right here, where I am." They only focus on all the problems and circumstances of their current realty.
When we don't know where we are supposed to go we cannot move from where we are to a new desired location on our life map - personally, professionally, in intimate relationships, etc. This fundamental idea of moving from Point A to Point B on a map is why so many people get stuck on their life journey. We have to know where we want to go.
That brings us to the question you always, always ask first: "What do I want?"
And, what you want CANNOT be what you already have because that is "Point A" on the map. It also cannot be to merely get rid of, or away from, a problem in your life or work. The answer to the question must be a future state that you want to create or the enhancement of something you want to improve.
This is the basic role of the Creator
in TED*. The Creator pulls us forward toward what we really want. Without the Creator role, we fall victim to relinquishing our dreams.
The late Stephen R. Covey always taught to "begin with the end in mind." Asking the first and most important questions of "What do I want?" or "In what direction do I want to grow?" places our focus on the envisioned outcome we want to create.
If you shift your focus to what you want, and put your energy on that, you will make progress toward creating it in your life and work.If you would like to post a comment about this article, please visit our blog.
Read last week's essay: The Pain of Wanting