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Fostering Mattering for Gifted Learners at SAA
I listened to Jennifer Wallace's ISACS presentation this evening about her book Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic—and What We Can Do About It. Her insights resonate deeply with us at SAA as we strive to create an educational environment where gifted learners can thrive academically, socially, and emotionally.
We know every SAA student possesses unique potential. We also know they can feel the weight of high expectations, both from themselves and the world around them. Our job is to ensure they succeed while preserving their joy for learning and their sense of self-worth. The key to accomplishing this is proving to our kids that they matter.
The Power of Mattering
Wallace describes “mattering” as the universal human need to feel valued and to know that one’s contributions make a difference. At SAA, we recognize that gifted learners—because of their advanced thinking and heightened sensitivity—have an even greater need to feel they matter. She suggests several strategies we can use to prove to our kids that their worth is not contingent on external accomplishments.
1. Avoid linking affection or approval solely to performance metrics like grades or awards: This helps children understand that their worth isn’t contingent on external accomplishments.
2. Quality Time and Engagement: Spend meaningful time with your children, engaging in activities that interest them. This demonstrates that you value their company and are invested in their lives beyond their achievements.
3. Active Listening: Listen closely to your children’s thoughts and feelings. By listening without immediate judgment or solutions, you validate their experiences and show that their perspectives matter.
4. Encourage Autonomy: Allow children to make choices and take on responsibilities appropriate for their age. This fosters a sense of competence and shows that you trust their abilities, reinforcing their sense of mattering.
5. Model Empathy and Kindness: Demonstrate caring behaviors in your interactions with others. Children often emulate their parents; showing empathy and kindness teaches them to value these traits in themselves and others.
6. Provide Opportunities for Contribution: Encourage children to participate in family chores, community service, or other activities where they can see the positive impact of their actions. This helps them recognize their ability to add value to the lives of others.
Each night, when I come home from school, my two dogs, Gus & Oliver, practically break down the door to greet me. It’s like they haven’t seen me in months. Their tails wag, and their expressions are joyful, and they dance in excited celebration. It’s like a hero’s welcome and a clear statement that I matter. They don’t want anything from me other than proximity. One of Jennifer’s bits of advice is for us to take the same approach when seeing our kids for the first time at the end of the day. Bask in the pure adoration we have for our children because they matter.
I highly recommend either reading Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic—and What We Can Do About It or finding a podcast like the one below, in which Jennifer explains her research findings and gives practical advice for parents.
Conrad
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