An Erev Shabbat Thought

March 19, 2021

Over the past years, I have had the good fortune to attend many incredible Pesach seders including those led by my beloved father (z’’l) and by good friends in the various communities in which I’ve lived. So today I wish to share a wonderful tradition introduced to me by Bob Lebeau, Leora Batnitzky, and family of Princeton with whom my Mom and I had the pleasure of celebrating Passover a number of years back. On the Lebeau-Batnitzky seder-plate each year there is the requisite haroset and bitter herbs, the salt water and karpas for dipping, the shank-bone and the egg. But in addition to all of these items, sitting in a proud place of prominence, is something that I had never quite seen before in this context – a well-worn, well-loved, dirt-encrusted baseball! Why a baseball on the seder plate, you might ask? Bob explained to me that there are actually two reasons. The first is that in his family, where sports play such an important role, baseball is the quintessential symbol of spring – a reminder of the hope, possibility, and renewal that the holiday of Pesach is meant to invoke. More importantly, however, the baseball sits on the seder-plate to do exactly what it did for me – to inspire guests to ask questions, for this, truly, is the goal of the seder ritual.

Seder night is meant to be a time to tell the story of the Exodus, catering the way in which this narrative is delivered to the unique ages and personalities sitting around one’s own personal family table. It is a time to engage participants through discussion and song, through study and drama, through asking and eliciting questions and searching for their answers. While many of us have become reliant on the wonderful haggadot which exist to help us craft the seder rite, these books are simply meant to be resources rather than scripts – jumping off points to which we might add and subtract, embellish and augment. As seder leader, our job is to create a “lesson plan” for seder night – drawing from the haggadah and other places to organize a series of readings, activities, songs, and experiences that will allow our guests to enter into the drama of the Passover story and meditate on its themes of slavery and freedom.

This all sounds like a very tall task, you might say, and indeed it is! Which is why I am sending this message today, with still over a week to go until seder night. Much like the cleaning, cooking, and shopping for Passover which often begins weeks before the holiday, so too might we start thinking about the seder experience in advance as well. I hope that this message, with ideas on enhancing the Four Children section of the evening, might provide inspiration. Other resources and suggestions (including last year’s supplement with general tips for deepening and enlivening the seder ritual) can be found in my congregational Passover message here.

Despite seders which may be smaller and times which still feel so uncertain, may our tables next Saturday night be filled with baseballs, questions, and the joy of connecting with loved ones near and far!

Shabbat Shalom and (an early) Chag Sameach,

Rabbi Annie Tucker

The Four Children: A Seder Supplement

1. For the Musician

The Ballad of the Four Children (sung to the tune of “Clementine”)

Said the father to his children, “At the seder you will dine.

You will eat your fill of matzah; you will drink four cups of wine.”

Now this father had no daughters, but his sons they numbered four.

One was wise and one was wicked, one was simple and a bore.

And the fourth was sweet and winsome; he was young and he was small.

While his brothers asked the questions, he could scarcely speak at all.

Said the wise one to his father, “Would you please explain the laws

of the customs of the seder, will you please explain the cause?”

And the father proudly answered, “As our fathers ate in speed,

ate the paschal lamb ‘ere midnight and from slavery were freed.

So we follow their example and ‘ere midnight must complete.

All the seder and we should not after twelve remain to eat.”

Then did sneer the son so wicked. “What does all this mean to you?”

And the father’s voice was bitter as his grief and anger grew.

“If yourself you don’t consider as a son of Israel,

then for you this has no meaning. You could be a slave as well.”

Then the simple son said simply, “What is this?” and quietly

the good father told his offspring “We were freed from slavery.”

But the youngest one was silent, for he could not ask at all.

His bright eyes were wide with wonder as his father told him all.

My dear children, heed the lesson and remember evermore.

What the father told his children, told his sons that numbered four.

2. For the Feminist

The daughter in search of a usable past. Ma hi omeret? What does she say? “Why didn’t the Torah count women among the ‘600,000 men on foot, aside from children,’ who came out of Egypt? And why did Moses say at Sinai, ‘Go not near a woman,’ addressing only men, as if preparation for Revelation was not meant for us, as well?” Because she already understands that Jewish memory is essential to our identity, teach her that history is made by those who tell the tale. If Torah did not name and number women, it is up to us to fill the empty spaces of our holy texts.

And the daughter who wants to erase her difference. Ma hi omeret? Why does she say? “Why must you keep pushing your women’s questions into every text? And why are these women’s issues so important to you?” “To you” and not “to me.” Since she so easily forgets the struggles of her mothers and sisters, you must tell her the story of your own journey to the seder table and invite her to join you in thanking God for the blessing of being a Jewish woman.

And the daughter who does not know that she has a place at the table. Ma hi omeret? Why does she say? “What is this?” Because she doesn’t realize that her question is, in itself, a part of the seder tradition, teach her that the Haggadah is an extended conversation about liberation, and tell her that her insights and questions are also the text.

And the daughter who asks no questions? You must say to her, “Your questions, when they come, will liberate you from Egypt. This is how it is and has always been with your mothers and grandmothers. From the moment Yocheved, Miriam, and the midwives questioned Pharaoh’s edict until today, every question we ask helps us to leave Egypt farther behind.”

-The Journey Continues: The Ma’ayan Passover Haggadah

3. For the Active Learner

Designate four corners of your dining room as “wise,” “wicked,” “simple,” and “does not know how to ask.”
Ask seder guests to rise from their seats and choose the corner that best describes the kind of “child” they are when it comes to the following list of activities (read one-by-one, with time for guests to select a corner in between):

1. Playing baseball

2. Cooking

3. Algebra

4. Speaking Japanese

5. Being a good friend

6. Singing

7. Using the latest technology

8. Being Jewish

Come back to the table and discuss:
What are some of the things you noticed doing this activity? What might this teach us about the text of the four children?
How does it feel to be wise/wicked/simple/not knowing how to ask? What kinds of support from others can be helpful (or unhelpful) in these situations?
How did you “rank yourself” on question number eight, the one about being Jewish? What kinds of things get in the way of our always being “wise” when it comes to our Judaism and what might we do to increase our knowledge and sense of connection?

4. For the Parent

Some scholars believe there are four kinds of parents as well. The Wise Parent is an utter bore. Listen closely, because you are younger than I am,” says the Wise Parent, “and I will go on and on about Jewish history, based on some foggy memories of my own religious upbringing, as well as an article in a Jewish journal I have recently skimmed.” The Wise Parent must be faced with a small smile of dim interest. The Wicked Parent tries to cram the story of our liberation into a set of narrow opinions about the world. “The Lord let us out of Egypt,” the Wicked Parent says, “which is why I support a bloodthirsty foreign policy and am tired of certain types of people causing problems.” The Wicked Parent should be told in a firm voice, “With a strong hand God rescued the Jews from bondage, but it was my own clumsy hand that spilled hot soup in your lap.”

The Simple Parent does not grasp the concept of freedom. “There will be no macaroons until you eat all of your brisket,” says the Simple Parent, at a dinner honoring the liberation of oppressed peoples. “Also, stop slouching at the table.” In answer to such statements, the Wise Child will roll his eyes in the direction of the ceiling and declare, “Let my people go!”

The Parent Who Is Unable to Inquire had had too much wine, and should be excused from the table.

-By Lemony Snicket in The New American Haggadah

5. For the One Who Loves Discussion

Four more questions for the seder table:

1. What do you think about the four children in this text? Have they each fairly “earned” their label? Is there another name that we might instead give to the “wicked” child? Why might it be important to have individuals like him (or her) in our families and our communities?

2. What do you think of the four parents in this text? Are there different answers you might give instead to these children?

3. Why do you think the haggadah chooses to label these four children? What is the potential danger in doing so? What is the greater message that this text is trying to send us about teaching and about child-rearing?

4. If you were to add a fifth child to the seder, who would it be and why?

6. For the Activist

The Wise One: I want to know where this matzah, this brisket, this chocolate cake came from? Is the food at this feast truly sanctified? Has the meat that is giving me pleasure been processed by someone who is too young to be working? By someone who is paid the wages of a slave? With what research tools and by what methods may I identify food which is in every way kosher?

The Wicked One: How is it my problem if that animal whose flesh I enjoy tonight suffered as it lived and died? Why should I be concerned if the women my parents have hired to serve and clean up our large gathering cannot go home until after the buses have stopped running?

The Simple One: Who harvested all the produce at our seder and how are their lives blessed or plagued? What dishes can we make from fruits and vegetables grown near our home or frozen in season and stored for tonight? What is a carbon footprint?

The One Who Does Not Know How To Ask A Question: I just want to celebrate this happy holiday and not disturb myself with large issues I cannot possibly understand or problems that are too vast to be solved.

-Merle Feld, This is the Bread of Affliction Food and Justice Haggadah Supplement

7. For the Historian

The section of the Haggadah which speaks of the “four sons” is a brilliant example of the subtlety and creativity of rabbinic interpretation. It is based on the fact that in four places in the Torah (three in Exodus 12-13, one in Deuteronomy 6), reference is made to parents instructing their children on the meaning of Jewish practice by relating it to the exodus. True to their conviction that no word in the Torah was superfluous, they did not see these passages as mere repetition. Each teaches something new. Passionate about education and ultra-sensitive to nuances in the biblical text, the rabbis sensed that the four verses were about different kinds of children. Three included questions, but were of varying levels of sophistication and therefore signaled children of different temperaments and abilities. The fourth, which made no reference to a question, must refer to the child who has not yet reached the stage of asking. The passage as it stands testifies to the centrality of education in Jewish life, and especially to the role of parents as teachers.

From the evidence of parallel passages in the rabbinic literature, it seems likely that the text as it appears in the Haggadah was the result of several centuries of debate and a long process of editing. There exist, in writings from the Mishnaic period and also from the Jerusalem Talmud, sources which read like early drafts on which the Haggadah text was based. Of great interest, though, is the fact that in two sources [the Mekhilta de-Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai below and a similar text from the Mekhilta de-Rabbi Ishmael] we find reference not to the “four sons” but the “wicked son” alone:

“And when your children say…” (Exodus 12:26).

[This implied that] in the future, some may say,

“What does this service mean to you?” One who says “to you” is a wicked person who excludes himself from the community. [In reply] you too should exclude him from the community by saying, “Because of what God did for me” – meaning “He did this for me – not you.”

(Mekhilta de-Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai)

The two men - Rabbi Ishmael ben Elisha and Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai - lived in the second century CE, through one of Judaism’s must turbulent and tragic eras. They witnessed the ferocity of Rome in suppressing Jewish life. They saw Jews defect from Judaism – some to ally themselves with Rome itself, others to join the new Christian sect. Rabbi Ishmael and Rabbi Shimon were different personality types, the former a rationalist, the latter a mystic, but they were both intensely loyal to Jewish identity and destiny and shared a sense of distress, verging on anger, at Jews who left the fold. We can now place their comments on “the wicked son” in a specific historical context. It was not Pesach as such, nor were they speaking about young children. They were talking about Jews who, seeing the fall of Jerusalem and the rise of Rome, changed sides and allied themselves to forces that were in the ascendant. This was, for the rabbis, a kind of betrayal.

-Rabbi Jonathan Sacks’ Haggadah by Rabbi Jonathan Sacks

8. For the Artist

An enormous amount of art has been produced visually depicting the four children and recasting these different personalities using a variety of different metaphors. An online gallery of such art (along with explanations of the pictures) may be found at http://www.haggadahsrus.com/4childrenGallery4.htm and images can be printed before the holiday and shared around the seder table to serve as the basis of discussion.

Guests, particularly children, can also be encouraged to make their own picture of the four children before Pesach to share on seder night (or participants could be asked around the seder table how they might capture the four children visually). And individuals need not stick simply to human representations! Working with 5^th graders in New York many years ago, some of my religious school students recast the four children as “four shoes,” “four animals,” and “four objects in nature” amongst other things.