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Welcome MVCS and ICC community. Our project with MVCS and the ICC has been completed and a final report was provided to the ICC leadership team. Please reach out if we can be of any further assistance. Here is our most recent newsletter--feel free to unsubscribe if this does not fit your needs.
MV Mediation
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April 2022
Martha's Vineyard Mediation Program
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MEDIATION MUSINGS
Sara Barnes, Executive Director
Shame and Blame
- He did it!
- Its all your fault!
- When I find the culprit I'm gonna...!
- You should be ashamed of yourself!
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Here's the thing about employing the shame/blame dynamic duo. They don't solve the conflict. They don't analyze the problem. They don't help us to learn from our mistakes. They don't build trust. They will harm an organization in short order. They do nothing but make folks feel miserable and will crash any relationship.
Louise and Marian work together. Louise has a conflict with Marian. Louise says to Marian something like, You did (this awful thing). Its all your fault! What do you think, is this statement going to make things better or worse?
What might be Louise's reason for saying making this statement?
- Louise wants to make Marian feel bad.
- Louise wants to get Marian to take responsibility.
- Louise is so angry and thinks saying this will make her feel better.
- Louise has had others blame her and thinks that's what she should do in this situation.
No matter the reason for blaming and shaming, one thing is abundantly clear: it does not do any work to resolve conflict, and does a fair amount of damage. By blaming Marian, Louise is shutting down any possibility for an open dialogue. Maybe Marian did do that awful thing. Maybe she would apologize or explain with a kinder approach. Blaming her puts Marian in a defensive position. Marian will move to protect herself or possibly take steps to hurt Louise back. And then? Nothing is accomplished.
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So what to do?
If you want to resolve a conflict, move your thought process away from blame and toward problem solving. Can you ask a question? Can you listen? Can you find something to learn from the situation? Can you lend a willing ear to let the other person work things out, take responsibility, apologize, face their mistakes? People do not tend to open up when they think they are not safe. Be the safe person who is making a connection with the other person. If this is the other person's worst day, don't you want to be the one who says, "We all make mistakes. I do too. Let's see what we can do to fix this."
In conflict resolution, the mediator, coach or facilitator has to work hard to move the person who is intent on blaming. Until they advance past blaming, a resolution is unlikely. Sometimes it takes asking the right question such as: How could this problem be avoided in the future? What can be done support learning from this experience? What do you want from the other person, and what can they do to make it right? Do you want to resolve this?
Try to do what you can, at least notice where blame/shame rears its ugly head and name it when you see it. Try this: "Let's not blame and shame. Instead lets look to the future and not try to hurt each other." Sometimes that's all it takes, to point things out for what they are.
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Thank you, Martha's Vineyard Bank Charitable Foundation for
our Portuguese Translation, Interpretation, and Services Grant
Thank you to Martha's Vineyard Bank Charitable Foundation for a generous grant to extend our literature, website, and in-person services into Portuguese.
Obrigado a Martha's Vineyard Charitable Foundation pela generosa doação para podermos ampliar nossos serviços de tradução para o Português aos nossos clientes, website e literatura informativa.
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Introduction to Mediation Course
Section Two: MEDIATION QUALIFICATION
Weekly May 12 – June 16
The course is on Thursdays from 5:30 to 8 p.m. All classes will be via Zoom. Those who already are trained in mediation may take Section Two.
Section Two: Mediation Qualification in Massachusetts
- May 12: Mitigating impasse
- May 19: Biases and diversity in mediation
- May 26: Mediation and neuroscience
- June 2: Power imbalances
- June 9: Handling emotions in mediation
- June 16: Ethical dilemmas in mediation
The cost for each six-session course is $100–$300 based on your ability to pay. Scholarships are available. Please email info@mvmediation.org for more information or register here.
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Workplace Conflict Management Course Spring 2022
Join a cohort of Martha’s Vineyard managers and supervisors in a virtual, weekly confidential cohort. Participants receive support and insight into their workplace dilemmas and utilize the case study model in an interactive and participatory process. The text will be provided. All classes will be via zoom.
Cost for all 10 sessions is $100-- in partnership with Martha’s Vineyard Chamber of Commerce.
Wednesdays
9:00-10:15 am
Course begins on April 27
To register go to www.mvmediation.org, email info@mvmediation.org, call 508-693-2999 Register here: Register Workplace Conflict Cohort
4 spaces left, register now.
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WORKPLACE CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
So many workplaces could benefit from improvement in conflict management. MV Mediation has mediators and facilitators who are able to provide support for conflicts within the workplace. We provide mediation for conflicts that are unresolved, as well as conflict coaching for individuals. Email info@mvmediation.org or call call 508-693-2999 for more information, and please spread the word if you know of anyone who might be interested.
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Stay Calm
One of our mediators sent this article along to help us all to learn how to stay calm when we are in an argument. Thanks Louis for a great read! Stay Calm During a Confrontation Stay Calm
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Tuesday Lunch Book Group
Every Tuesday starting May 3 from noon - 1 pm via zoom
Come when you can
Join a group reading the 1977 book by Milton Mazer, founder of MV Community Services. The book is People and Predicaments. Although this book is based on 45-year-old research, we are going to read it from a historical and cultural perspective. We can provide a copy via PDF or provide you with information on how to borrow from the library or purchase.
We meet on zoom https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86198579558
Donation of any amount is helpful but not required.
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MV Mediation Youth Program
Conflict Resolution Workshops in Island Schools
This month, MV Mediation Youth Program is excited to join the school communities of the Martha's Vineyard Charter School and the Edgartown School. The MV Mediation Youth Program will teach the processes of conflict resolution and interactive workshops, activities, games, discussions, and role plays, leading to students' awareness of conflict resolution tools and strategies.
- Session One: Concepts of Conflict
- Session Two: Feelings Are Part of Conflict
- Session Three: Biases Are the Cause of Conflicts
- Session Four: Positive Listening Helps Resolve Conflicts
- Session Five: Conflicts Can be Escalated and De-Escalated
- Session Six: Conflicts Can be Resolved through Win-Win
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MVCS Island Wide Collaborative
Youth Planning for the future
Kiki Homer
In March we collaborated with MV Community Services Island Wide Youth Collaborative and hosted a Teens Life Skills Workshop. Teens participated in interactive conversation and activities where they learned how to make a budget and understand the difference between needs and wants concerning finances and their implication in conflicts and disputes.
Participants stated:
“I learned that it’s important to think about the future before spending or saving.”
“I learned that it is important to make a money plan for the future.”
“I figured out on what is most important to save up for me, and new ways I can efficiently spend money.”
“I learned that there are a lot of monthly expenses that limit how much you spend regularly.”
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Mediators' Check in
Check in every Wednesday 4–5 p.m. to discuss aspects of conflict resolution in our community.
- April 20 - Housing and Summary Process Mediation
- April 27 - Small Claims and Civil Court referred Mediation
- May 4 - Expanding negotiation strategies
- May 11 - Mediator improv--ready for anything
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Mediation in District Courts
We are in County District Courts––on Zoom––most weeks, at the following times:
Fall River: Mondays 2 p.m.
Attleboro: Tuesdays 2 p.m.
New Bedford: Wednesdays 2 pm (infrequent sessions)
Taunton: Thursdays 9 a.m.
Edgartown: Thursdays or Fridays 11a.m.
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Board of Directors' Corner
In April, the Board of Directors invited non-Board members to participate. Paulo DeOliveira, Dukes County Registrar of Deeds provided his thoughts about our work and organizational mission.
Attendees reviewed an anonymized case list, with highlighted various cases that illustrate the breadth of the reach of our services. The Board of Directors considered our budget in preparation for the ending of this Fiscal year.
The Board was pleased to learn that the Chamber of Commerce will honor our Housing Mediation Program Coordinator, Paula Reidbord, at CELEBRATE SERVICE Wednesday, April 27, 5:30pm At Featherstone Center for the Arts
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Parent Mediation:
Divorce, Family & Conflict Resolution
Are you having trouble at home? We can provide mediation or conflict coaching through Zoom, phone, or video conference. We have mediators with child development experience and can consider parent–teen mediation sessions based upon your circumstances. If you need help talking with your spouse or partner, we are part of the Parent Mediation Program providing parents––married, unmarried, divorced, or separated––with up to four hours of free mediation. MVMP Family and Divorce mediators can provide you with mediation sessions to discuss parenting issues, custody schedules, financial decisions, and communication, or to renegotiate existing plans. We also work with reconciling couples and those who have conflicts they need help to resolve. Please contact the office to schedule an intake call. We are here to help.
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Mediação: Resolução de Conflitos em Divórcio e Brigas de Família
Você está com problemas em casa? Nós podemos te ajudar oferecendo nossos serviços de mediação e treinamento para ajudar a lidar e resolver seus conflitos em familia. Oferecemos nossos serviços por Zoom ou telefone.
Conflitos entre pais e filhos. problemas conjugais ou com seu parceiro, ou relacionamento entre familiares. Mediadores com experiência em Divórcio e questōes familiares podem ajudar com custódia e visitação de menores, pensão alimentícia, divisão de bens e inclusive reconciliação.
Mediação não é terapia, mas sim uma forma de trazer as partes em conflito para uma conversa em um ambiente neutro, onde todos poderão falar e também ouvir o que a outra parte tem a dizer.
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Mental Health Crisis
Across our Island, as in many other places, life's crises have had serious effects on individuals, couples, and families. Mental health needs are on the increase. MV Mediation does not provide mental health services, but we are able to provide referrals. Please reach out; we are good at listening and may be able to help you to take the first steps forward.
If you or someone you know is in a mental health crisis, please call 911, Emergency Services on Martha's Vineyard at 1 833 229 2683, or National Suicide Prevention at 800-273-8255.
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Conflict Coaching Can Help You or Someone You Know
It is not therapy. It is not advice or consultation. So what is Conflict Coaching?
Conflict Coaching is a one-on-one process, with the client and coach working collaboratively to deconstruct a specific conflict. The process usually takes place over two one-hour sessions. Those who go through coaching have reported making significant breakthroughs and have learned to use new conflict resolution tools. Our coaches can take on more cases than we have. Would you please tell those you know about this service? We are here to help: info@mvmediation.org 508 693-2999
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Facilitation Services
MV Mediation provides facilitation services for groups, boards of directors, organizations, companies, and families. Neutral and confidential facilitation allows those who are attending the meeting to fully participate. If you need facilitation services, please reach out to discuss your needs.
"We are in a much better place since we had a facilitator help us to pull things together. Thanks to the mediation program for all your help." ––A recent facilitation client
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Conflict with Tenant or Landlord?
We offer FREE MEDIATION for housing cases in Dukes, Barnstable, and Bristol Counties.
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Conflitos entre o proprietário e inquilinos?
Mediação GRÁTIS para qualquer tipo de problema relativo a sua moradia em Dukes, Barnstable e Bristol.
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Affordable Housing
Dukes County Housing Authority announces 20 rental units which will be made available through a lottery. Kuhn's Way is in the process of being built. Spread the word about this important opportunity.
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Agricultural Mediation
Martha's Vineyard Mediation is part of a national network of USDA-supported farm, agriculture, and aquaculture mediation programs. If you know of any farms, farm stands, CSAs, or agricultural/ aquacultural businesses that have conflicts with debt, neighbors, succession planning, workplace conflict, management, or other matters, MV Mediation can help. Most services are free or low cost through USDA funding. Here is a brochure; please pass it on to those who may need these services. As a farm-supportive community, we want to be a help to the Island's farms and farming families.
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MV Mediation Needs Your Financial Contribution
Thanks to all our donors. We will make use of your contributions wisely. If you can help, we really appreciate your generosity.
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Code of Ethics
MV Mediation service providers––mediators, coaches, facilitators and teachers––agree to adhere to the MV Code of Ethics. We hold ourselves to these ethical considerations so that we can provide quality services that are professional and principled. You can read the Code of Ethics here.
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We are Active on Social Media
This is a helpful way to support MV Mediation. Thanks!
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Our Mission
To serve our community by providing education, outreach,
mediation, conflict coaching, facilitation,
and related services to help prevent and resolve conflicts.
Our Vision
To create an island of competent, capable, and
effective conflict resolvers.
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Why I Mediate:
During this unprecedented pandemic, it is especially rewarding to be part of a community program that gives a voice to landlords and tenants who are struggling to resolve a conflict. --Kiki Homer
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Thank you to our donors and sponsors for their continued support! | |
Thanks to our Professional Partners who help us with our training and professional development for our mediators, coaches, and facilitators. | |
At MVMP our slogan is We Can Work It Out. Would you like to borrow this slogan?
Feel free. You Can Work It Out! We are here if you need our help.
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