This sign appeared over the front window of CindiFranco's Cool Stuff this morning.

CindiFranco's to become marijuana dispensary
A crude sign reading "Medical Marihuana Dispencery Opening Soon - Come On, Boyne, let's get happy" appeared over the front window of CindiFranco's Cool Stuff this morning, sending many in the community into shock. Picketers quickly rushed to the sidewalk in front of the store, with signs saying "What next, strep clubs?" and "This will destroy the morel fabric of our town." Others were outraged by the poor spelling on the original sign, as well as the picketers' signs. "After the Boyne Bee, we were becoming known as the Spelling Capital of Michigan," pointed out Main Street director Lori Meager. "These misspelled signs are really going to hurt our image." Meager denied rumors that she would be leading a crowd-funding campaign to help the new business get started.
CindiFranco's store has been for sale for awhile, as owner Cindi Malin and husband Frank plan to retire and spend their winters in South Carolina. Malin said she knew very little about the proposed dispensary, or how to spell it. She added that a factor in the new owners' choice of location was having Lake Street Market located across the street with an ample supply of brownies, cookies, scones, bagels and sandwiches. She predicted that the business name would be changed to "CindiFranco's Very Cool Stuff."
In This Issue
Trump to lead Horton Bay parade!
Donald Trump has accepted an invitation to be the grand marshal of the revived Horton Bay 4th of July Parade. In honor of the VIP guest, parade organizers have announced that the parade theme will be "Make Horton Bay Great Again." The decision to make Trump the grand marshal was somewhat controversial in the quirky little village.
Long-time Horton Bay local G.T. Long had lobbied to have Jesus named the grand  marshal , but The  Savior  had not yet confirmed, so the committee invited Trump. Long was disappointed, noting that Jesus has been regularly showing up at Long's back door, having conversations about politics and philosophy. 
Asked for a comment, Trump tweeted: "This will be the greatest parade that has ever been held anywhere. And no one loves Horton Bay more than I do, I can tell you that."
BC Hardware for sale; Jim White becomes a concert promoter
Jim White with new clients Sheryl Crow and Taylor Swift: "I have to follow my dream."
Jim White announced Friday that he is putting Boyne City Hardware up for sale, ending four decades of ownership. White said he plans to become a concert promoter, noting that he has greatly enjoyed organizing fund-raising concerts over the last few summers. He brought in several popular acts, including tributes to the Bee Gees, Neil Diamond, ZZ Top and John Denver. "I know it's a little late in life to be changing careers, but I have to follow my dream," he said. White revealed that the terms of the sale of his store will include a provision that it not be operated as a true hardware store, but will become a "tribute" to a hardware store. White will also be managing the career of his daughter Jessica, who has started a Taylor Swift tribute band. Jessica would not comment on her new career, but did offer this about her latest boyfriend: "He's so tall and handsome as hell. He's so bad, but he does it so well."  
Wink, wink: Cain, Meeder, Baumann plan to "retire"
Mass resignations hit Boyne City today as the city manager, Main Street director and Chamber director all announced they would be "retiring." While at first glance this sudden leadership void might seem to be catastrophic for the community, informed sources are speculating that the leaders are planning to "retire" for a month, start drawing retirement pay and then get rehired as "interims" in their former positions. This clever arrangement has become known around the state as "The Moss Maneuver" in reference to former/current/interim Boyne City School Superintendent Peter Moss, who pioneered the little-known but apparently legal maneuver. The trio and Moss have reportedly formed a foursome and plan to golf together in the Senior League at Ye Nyne Olde Holles during their retirement summer.
> A joint retirement party for the group is being planned at Coopers Northern Goat restaurant at 2:20 p.m. today. Organizers are advising well-wishers to  "Get there quickly before the doors are closed."
Michelle Cortright buys the BRI, to be renamed Gluten Free Inn
In a surprising turn of events in the volatile Boyne City restaurant market, publishing baroness Michelle Cortright of Harbor House Publishing, announced today that she has negotiated the purchase of the Boyne River Inn, which is located next door to her business. 
The new mascot
"Dirk and I have always been the best of friends," Cortright said of BRI owner Dirk Lily. "We were having a few drinks together during Amnesia Night on Wednesday, and we just made it happen." 
Cortright noted that she would be making some minor changes, including a new name, "Gluten Free Inn," or GFI for short. Other changes will be mainly cosmetic, including the addition of a large telescope and observatory on the second story. On a trial basis pending Health Department approval, golden retrievers will be allowed in the restaurant if kept on a leash.
Dilworth Yacht Brokers - new listing
34' Trojan Sedan, 1965. Classic Trojan kept in the same boat yard for decades. Mahogany strip plank construction throughout. Ready for your re-fit. More pictures and details available. This classic will not last long! Call for asking price 231-582-6226.
Boyne Library phasing out old-fashioned "books"
The new look of books in Boyne City.
The Boyne District Library has decided to convert the entire children's collection to microfilm and put it in storage. "Access to the collection will be so much simpler," explains Head of Youth Services, Helene Ivie. "Technology has shown that paper books and magazines are simply no longer necessary.  Children and their parents are so technologically adept that we felt it was time to stop wasting time and space shelving books. We will have microfilm versions of our collection if patrons would like to view the original illustrations, and every item will be available in a digital format for use on mobile devices." The library expects to complete the entire project during next week's Spring Break.  Mrs. Ivie requests that patrons return any materials out on loan promptly to help make the process run smoothly.

Library Director Cliff Clavin
Smelly new cataloging system to replace worn out Dewey Decimal System
The library is dropping the old and worn out Dewey Decimal System in favor of the new Smell It Yourself System. From now on gardening books will smell like dirt, sports books like sweat, computer books will smell like burning electronics and cookbooks will smell like bacon. Library Director Cliff Clavin is confident that the new system will be well accepted by the library-going public. The amount of savings by not needing lights to find books in the library is projected to offset the cost of new hats for the library's rumba team.  
NEWS BRIEFS  
Voters approve facilities bond; City receives $7 million in bond proceeds
City manager goes to Florida. Spring break or something more sinister?

BC Gazette writer Benjamin Gohs sees his shadow
Six more weeks of winter and two long articles predicted.

Marty Moody complains for years about living on dirt road
After many years city responds by paving Court Street. Moody moves to another dirt road. Coincidence or Moody's clever plan to get more roads paved?

City leasing daily and seasonal slips in bike racks
Barb Brooks named bikemaster

Maximum Hospitality plans 8th restaurant in BC
Why do you think they call it Magnum?

Dilworth Casino announces 2020 opening
Owner Bob Grove vows he will continue mowing the lawn until then

Stroll the Streets expanding to six days a week this summer
Karen Guzniczak found in coma

What's in your lakewater? 
Well ... poop. Details.

Quiz: What's the name of the new business coming to South Lake Street?
  * 7 Nuns Taproom
  * 7 Taps Monkroom
  * 7 Monks Taproom
  * 7 Catts Glenroom
      (Answer coming in May)

Past editions of April Foolish News
  2013 - Citizens group wants ice pole back - with a fireplace - details
  2012 - C ombined Mushroom Fest/Easter Egg Hunt planned - details
  2011 - Meijer store and Nothing Festival coming to BC - details

This week's "real" e-newsletter - click here  (no foolin')