Dear friends,
For the past decade, I've spent more than my fair share of hours navigating myself toward a deeper state of joy and contentment. This quest started in my teens. It began the day I sat across from my Pap-Pap, my mother's father, enjoying one of our many tea parties taken in an old, rice-bubbled tea set he purchased on a work trip to Indonesia.
I don't remember how we got into the conversation. But, I have a distinct memory of his scoff when I brought up wanting to be happy. He said, "People who always need to be happy aren't really happy."
This was a novel concept to a 16-year-old girl who had yet to find much of substance within herself. If I were sitting across from him today, I would ask his take on what it means to be "really happy," on what we need to get there. Sadly, I only developed into substantive conversation once he had developed out of it, so I'll never get his full essay on the topic.
I've sought out potential answers in the positive psychology methods of Louise Hay, the modern psychology methods of Brene Brown, the Buddhist concepts of Pema Chodron. I've defined the differences between happiness, joy, and contentment. And, just when I thought I'd learned a lot on this topic, I discover something I've never heard before that connects dots across my varied methods of study.
Last night, in reviewing a previous reading of Brain-Body Parenting, I integrated a concept that has new levels of meaning for me after a year of Polyvagal study. Author Mona Delhooke breaks down Martin Seligman's theory on well-being.
Essentially, if you ask a person how happy they are in life, they will only be able to answer according to their current level of happiness that very moment. Happiness is, as my Pap knew, fleeting. Deep happiness is better measured through those other words - satisfaction, joy, contentment.
Seligman developed what he called the PERMA model of well-being. It stands for:
- Positive emotion
- Engagement
- Relationships
- Meaning
- Accomplishment
As an athlete by nature and a somatic healer by - well, maybe by nature as well - I see all of these things through the lens of the body. I don't necessarily mean our bones, muscles, organs and tissues, though many of these physical components do come into play.
I'm speaking more about the energy we hold in our nervous system. This energy is dynamic; it is afferent and efferent. This means our nervous system is in a constant give and take with the world around us. We draw in stimuli, we process them, we respond. Or, we develop emotions on the inside, and we act them out into the space around us.
Or, both, all, and everything all at once. It could seem overwhelming to try to understand the many ways our physical bodies are supplying our well-being or denying it. But, it comes down to some very simple factors.
We will review these factors in my upcoming Nervous System Care Series. It is my true hope that anyone who could benefit from this experience can participate. If you encounter any limitations in accessing this course - whether due to time, geography, or cost - please contact me so we can create a way for you to participate.
Warmly,
Bethany
