"Flowers leave some

of their fragrance

in the hand that

bestows them."

-Unattributed

Gratitude, the practice of appreciation, can provide a raft of psychological and physical health benefits (Hill et al. 2013). Linked with better sleep, reduced inflammation, and less depression, gratitude increases positive health behaviors like adhering to a nutritious diet and getting exercise (Boggiss et al. 2020).

Practicing gratitude, too, helps reduce levels of loneliness and stress (O’Connell & Killeen-Byrt 2018).

While the exact causal relationship between gratitude and health is still unclear, researchers have a few hypotheses to explain their connection. Some scholars believe that gratitude increases prosocial behavior (like supporting or helping others), which is closely tied to increased health (O’Connell & Killeen-Byrt 2018). Others have identified that the amygdala–a part of your brain that processes emotion, especially fear–is less activated when a person experiences gratitude. An overactive amygdala creates stress, and stress causes inflammation in the body. When the amygdala is regulated by gratitude, stress and inflammation decrease (Hazlett et al. 2021).

While you might feel gratitude spontaneously when someone helps you or shows kindness, gratitude is also easily cultivated. Try to incorporate a gratitude practice into your life by journaling or sharing what you’re grateful for with someone else!

“Our relationships are a source of healing and well-being hiding in plain sight – one that can help us live healthier, more fulfilled, and more productive lives.

Given the significant health consequences of loneliness and isolation, we must prioritize building social connections the same way we have prioritized other critical public health issues.”

-US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, declaring loneliness and isolation an epidemic and warning about the long-term impact on health outcomes

Not everyone who is alone or living in solitude is lonely. The words isolation and loneliness are often used interchangeably but not everyone who is isolated experiences loneliness. When people think of isolation, it often conveys a sense of remoteness. Isolation can happen in highly populated and crowded areas. One can be packed into a bus or at a crowded event and feel the pangs of loneliness. According to therapist Therese Mascardo, “Loneliness is not so much about a lack of other people as it is about being seen, heard, known and understood.” Some people enjoy solitude and find it helps them integrate with themselves in a way that brings them peace and joy. Some people need a lot more interactive human time than others. Loneliness is when our social interaction doesn’t meet the level of our needs. Loneliness is a subjective experience. The only person who can determine if you're lonely is yourself. 

At this point in human history, we are able to share more about our thoughts and lives through email, texting, and social media then previous generations could ever imagine. There is an incredible amount of communication taking place all around us, but the chatter doesn’t alleviate most people’s loneliness. It can actually increase it. Social media presents people’s lives as a highlight reel of the best moments. Scrolling through those images creates the impression that other people’s lives are fun and exciting. This can create a sense of lack and fear of missing out in the viewer that leads to a feeling of loneliness.

Another struggle is that people feel conflicted about spending time with others. The two most common reasons people avoid others are trauma and attachment issues which can make relationships not feel safe. It is the paradox of wanting to feel connection with others and repelled by social interactions due to fear of getting emotionally hurt. A person may try to reach out or attend social events and get overwhelmed by their own fears. They retreat and conclude the emotional cost of trying to feel seen and understood by others is too high. It feels safer and easier to stay home and avoid people. Then the pain of loneliness kicks in again. The person is experiencing the dysregulation that comes from a lack of meaningful social interactions.

Humans help each other co-regulate our biological systems. We need connection to self-regulate and move towards a healthy relationship with ourselves.

There are many emotional challenges we encounter in life; loneliness is one that can’t be solved on our own. By its nature, it requires other people. We put the burden of fixing loneliness on the individuals who experience it. However, the cure to loneliness is connection, and connection requires reciprocity. US culture stresses the importance of independence to the point where people forget how to connect to another person. The world is a stressful place and we need each other to both survive and thrive. Throughout human history we have had to rely on each other for our survival. To harvest enough food, create reliable shelter, and for protection from the elements. That is why community is so important. When a baby is born, there is absolutely no way it can survive on its own. It requires the help of other humans who have a host of different skills to ensure it can develop and reach adulthood. This initial life experience teaches us that we are designed to be interdependent with each other for our survival both physically and psychologically.

Watch this video where Therapist Katie Morton talks about the need for community or "village" and the Loneliness epidemic in the United States.

It can be hard to determine who is struggling with loneliness because there is stigma involved. People may experience guilt or shame for admitting to feeling lonely because they may think it means they are not likable or that they lack social skills. People can feel like they are the only person they know who is experiencing loneliness, so it is important to get the message out that millions of people are living with the same feeling. Loneliness lets us know that we have an unmet need to connect with others and the discomfort of loneliness signals it is time to take action to widen our social networks. 

The reason assertively addressing loneliness is so important is because there are a host of significant health impacts that result from it. Loneliness is associated with high blood pressure, heart disease, weakened immune system, increased frequency of illness, depression, cognitive decline, memory issues, and decreased lifespan. For our health and the health of each other, the first step is to determine the type of loneliness that you're facing.

According to the Campaign To End Loneliness, the 3 primary types of loneliness are:

1. Emotional - an absence of meaningful relationships 2. Social - a perceived deficit in the quality of social connections and

3. Existential - a feeling of separateness from others and the wider world

Loneliness can be transient, situational or chronic.

What type of relationships do you feel are lacking in your life? Humans form different types of connections and each kind fulfills certain emotional needs. Does your loneliness derive from a need for familial, romantic, friendship, casual, neighborly, allyship, mentoring relationships, etc.? Maybe someone does fulfill each of these roles in your life, but what’s missing is quantity. We may need a greater variety of meaningful connections with different personalities who hold varied viewpoints. People who can help us see life from a different perspective can open us up to new experiences and possibilities. Perhaps it is a specific relational quality that is missing. Maybe you're yearning for someone who shares similar interests to actively engage with while connecting over a shared passion. One of the main ways to help reduce loneliness is through shared experiences with others. 

When we are in-person with others and we feel safe enough, people share a release of hormones (oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins) that help reduce stress and enhance a sense of connection. It isn’t always possible for people to connect in person for a host of reasons, and they can still get some good vibes from virtual connections.

Video chat has helped a lot of people feel more connected through virtual facetime. It gives more people the opportunity to participate in social interactions who may have a hard time meeting up in person.

This can be done through an online group movie watch, group hangouts, attending online training sessions and having a discussion afterwards, finding people with similar interests and hobbies and working on projects together. Volunteering is a great way to get involved in something you enjoy and connect with different people around a common cause. When people are engaged in things they enjoy, they become more open to people around them. Building relationships takes time and effort. It means showing up repeatedly and reaching out regularly to build mutual familiarity, trust and respect.

As we enter a host of holiday gatherings, people may feel the impact of their loneliness more acutely. Winter Holidays are rituals of community gatherings to ensure people interact and connect together during the darkest and coldest times. Make a commitment to connect with someone in your life who might be less socially engaged. They might be lonely too and crave connection. Let them know that you are grateful to have them as part of your social circle and what you appreciate about having them in your life. Gratitude helps us feel connected to each other and reminds us of why we value and need each other. 

December is Universal Human Rights Month and this year marks the 75th anniversary of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

While this document has played an important role in protecting the freedoms and rights of many people, we know there are multiple and ongoing violations of Human Rights happening around the world today.

In this short video, hear the High Commissioner for Human Rights talk about the history of the Declaration and goals for a future where there is Freedom, Equality, and Justice for All. Check out the website for inspiration and ways to get involved.

Want to learn more about the basic Human Rights and the limitations of the Declaration? Watch this 5 minute video to learn more about why Human Rights violations still occur.

Now that we’re all feeling enthusiastic about embracing gratitude, how will you practice gratitude in your life?

https://www.multco.us/assertive-engagement