MEDIATION MUSINGS 



  Metaphors, Symbols, Figurative Language

Sara Barnes

Conflict and dispute resolution is a difficult process for folks to wrap their heads around. As mediators and other conflict resolution service providers seek help participants, they find themselves drawing upon various types of figurative and symbolic language. As Tammy Lenski, conflict resolution researcher and practitioner, writes: “The way we frame a problem has a powerful impact on the solutions we can see . . . metaphor(s) orients us differently to a conflict and influences how we think, act, and resolve it.”

I love a good image for talking about conflict. Imagine the Ferris wheel as the conflict. Each point along the route is a stage in the conflict. It’s a metaphorical reminder of the cyclical nature of conflict. Is the wheel turning fast—before you know it you have covered some distance? Or does it seem to be going in slow motion, each click of the mechanism inching you away from the ground? 

Metaphors for Conflict

Fire

Fire is another helpful image for conflict. Is the fire getting bigger, burning out? Did that comment just put another log on the conflict fire? The comparison can be helpful when working with folks who are trying to improve their communication. “How about we take some time and let this fire burn down.” Or “Is there something you think you can say or do that would put some water on this conflict fire?”

Iceberg

When mediators learn about analyzing the conflicts that come to mediation, they learn to think about the iceberg. With only a small percent of the story appearing above the surface, the idea is for the neutral person to search under the surface for the hidden needs, feelings, identities, values, and interests that are driving the conflict.

Cairn

I like the metaphor of the balanced rocks of the cairn. It’s an easy image to grasp since conflicts often start with everything busted and arrayed on the ground. The biggest rock goes first and gets placed as the foundation, then the next and the next. Everything has to be in balance, and vagaries of size, shape, and weight make a difference. A cairn takes patience and trial and error to make successfully. The cairn is also a way finder in ancient and modern trail making. The cairn says, “I was here, I put this together to show you the way, I took the time to balance these rocks and I hope it will withstand the elements.” Sort of like the process of resolving a conflict, step by step. It’s a metaphor for what we do.

Read a longer version with lots more metaphors and follow up articles here.

LEARN ABOUT ALL THE SERVICES WE PROVIDE

• Youth Mediation
• Family and Divorce Mediation Program––PMP
• Housing Mediation
• Civil Court / Small Claims
• Re-Entry Program
• Workplace Conflict Mediation and Management
• Facilitation Services
• Agricultural Mediation
• Conflict Coaching
• Financial Conflict Coaching
• Elderly and Aging Mediation
• Classes, Workshops, Seminars, and Training Programs

Check out our WEBSITE for details.

Community Programs info@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2999

Housing Program admin@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2199

MV MEDIATION STAFF CORNER

Paula Reidbord ─ Mediation Intensive at Harvard Law School’s Program on Negotiation

Kiki Homer ─ Ekerd College’s Intensive Workplace Conflict Management Training

Nancy Grundman ─ Reflective Practices Group Training by the Reflective Practice Institute

Gail Gardner ─ Re-Entry Mediation Training facilitated by Community Mediation Maryland and organized by the Massachusetts Office of Public Collaboration

Kerri Sorensen ─ Intensive Mediation Skills Training facilitated by Cape Mediation and the Summer 2023 Intensive MA Mediation Qualification facilitated by MV Mediation

FEATURED SERVICE: Small Claims Matters

by Nancy Grundman, Program Coordinator

“I was terrified when I came into the court. It seemed like the end of the world. Thanks to my compassionate and understanding mediators, I was able to have a productive conversation with someone I considered an adversary. I couldn’t believe we were able to work it out without going in front of a judge. Thank you, MVMP.”

Communication has broken down and frustration levels are high. We hear this sentiment often: “I don't want to go to court!” MV Mediation provides mediation services at no charge to participants in Small Claims cases filed at the Dukes County District Court. Mediation gives them the opportunity to resolve the conflict themselves, with an experienced mediator facilitating the conversation. If participants reach an agreement, the mediators write up the agreement for the parties’ signatures. If they do not come to an agreement, they still have the option to go before the Small Claims magistrate. 

For those who are not familiar with Small Claims Court, it handles a wide range of cases, such as unpaid debts, property damage disputes, landlord-tenant issues, breach of contract claims, contractor–home-owner disputes, and more. The monetary limit for a small claims case in Massachusetts is presently $7,000. To initiate a case, the initiator completes the required forms and pays a filing fee at the courthouse. Once a claim is filed, the court will notify the other party. Hearings in Small Claims Court are generally informal and parties do not need to have legal representation. The clerk-magistrate will listen to each side, ask follow-up questions, and review any evidence presented, making a determination based on facts and applicable law. The parties are then mailed the decision.  

MV Mediation works with the Clerk’s office to offer mediation services via Zoom, prior to the parties’ hearing date. We also offer same-day court mediation sessions. When parties work together and collaboratively develop a resolution rather than leaving it in the hands of the court, they report a sense of ownership in the decision. Our experience is that these self-determined agreements have a high likelihood of compliance. About 85% of the time in Small Claims cases, mediation works.

UPCOMING COURSES

People who take our courses say that their professional and personal lives improve. We offer a variety of themes designed to help you understand how conflict can be better managed in your personal life, workplace, and community. Registration is open for our Fall lineup of courses. Click here for a complete at-a-glance schedule.

Introduction to Conflict Coaching

20 hours, 8 sessions

September through October, Tuesdays and Fridays 10am–12pm

Learn coaching techniques to guide individuals toward new approaches to managing conflict in everyday life. This course is a useful prep for Intro to Mediation. For more information, click here.

Conflict Resolution Essentials

15 hours, 10 sessions

September through November, Thursdays 4–5:30pm

Learn conflict analysis, review cultural messages about conflict, and gain strategies for use in daily life. Learn to be a conflict resolver in your workplace, home, or community. For more information, click here.

Introduction to Mediation––Basics and Advanced MA Qualification

40 hours, 12 sessions (total for both segments)

October through December, Tuesdays 10am–12:30pm

The first segment is a six-session interactive course where participants learn the principles,

process, and theory of facilitative mediation in a hands-on process. In the second segment, participants who wish to continue toward MA qualification will review mediation complexity and dilemmas, diversity, impasses, and ethical topics. For more information, click here.

Workplace Cohort Conflict Management

15 hours, 10 sessions

Mid October through December 2023, Wednesdays 9–10:30am

Improve approaches to workplace conflict with a confidential cohort of managers and supervisors. Using text, discussion, and case studies, this course is interactive. For more information, click here.

Negotiation Clinic

Advanced training for experienced mediators, this bimonthly mediation clinic focuses on practice issues when mediators are managing participants’ negotiation. If interested, send an email to info@mvmediation.org. Here is the registration link.

“MV Mediation has great courses! You should learn with them. Great people, and I had fun.”   ––One of our participants, after taking two courses

EVENTS

• September 7th––8:30am–10am: Association for Conflict Resolution-NY––Virtual Roundtable: “Becoming Bias-Resistant: Trauma-Informed Tools to Prevent Inadvertent Discrimination”
• September 13th––Workplace Conflict: Coaching Steps for Resolving Workplace Conflict hosted by Community Boards and led by Rudeen Monte
• September 21st––12pm: Virtual Privilege Walk led by The Diversity Movement
• September 27th––12–1pm: “Addressing Bias and Stereotypes in Mediation,” led by Audrey Lee
• October 2nd–3rd: 2023 NAFCM National Assembly
• October 4th–6th: 2023 Association for Conflict Resolution Conference: “Collaboration, the New Normal?”
• October 25th–27th: Academy of Professional Family Mediators Conference––“Mediating in an Increasingly Diverse World” (100% online)
• October 25th––5:30–6:30pm: (Save the Date!) Community Dispute Settlement Center BASH!

This month’s links for your reading, listening, and viewing pleasure:

• 14 items to put in your conflict resolution tool box
• 6 guidelines for “Getting to Yes”
• 5 bad listening habits and how to break them
• How a mediation proceeds and ends can depend on how it begins.
• Conflict de-escalation in divorce mediation
• “Hidden Brain” podcast: “MindReading 2.0––Why Conversations Go Wrong”
• Podcast––“Miscommunication at Work––it’s not me, it’s you?”
• How to become a better mediator––9 ideas for you to consider
• Six dispute modes based on trauma-informed research.
• What is the Anchoring Effect and why is it important in mediation?

MEDIATORS’ CHECK-IN

Wednesdays at 4pm––all are welcome to join.

We are back on September 6th. Below is our schedule for upcoming Mediator Check-ins. Thanks for all the suggestions. We are going to to continue to have a monthly rotation as follows:

• First Wednesday––Tips for mediators and coaches
• Second Wednesday––Diversity Topics
• Third Wednesday––Meet our mediator
• Fourth Wednesday––Role play and/or case study

Zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86378014243

Tips––September 6: Gathering information during mediation

DEI––September 13: Intro to the Othering and Belonging Institute

Meet––September 20: Meet your mediator (TBD)

Role Play––September 27: Co-mediation collaboration

Tips––October 4: Handling fears that impact mediators’ actions and technique.

Why I Mediate

“Mediation and conflict resolution is important to me because it provides a structure or framework for meaningful conversations. Often individuals are not allowed the space and time to speak their minds fully. Mediation provides an opportunity to share, be heard, and resolve conflicts utilizing a strength-based approach that is meaningful for all participants.”

––Kim D'Arcy, Apprentice Mediator

DEIJ+B: DIVERSITY, EQUITY, INCLUSION, JUSTICE + BELONGING

AGRICULTURAL MEDIATION

Martha’s Vineyard Mediation is part of a national network of USDA-supported farm, agriculture, and aquaculture mediation programs. If you know of any farms, farm stands, CSAs, or agricultural/aquacultural businesses, MV Mediation can help. Most services are free or low cost through USDA funding. We work with farms in Dukes, Barnstable, Bristol, and Plymouth Counties. Our brochure is here; please pass it on to those who may need these services.

FAMILY MEDIATION PROGRAM

Divorce, Family & Conflict Resolution

We offer help talking with your spouse or partner about divorce, parenting issues, custody schedules, financial decisions, and communication itself, and can help you to renegotiate existing plans. We also work with reconciling couples and those who have conflicts they need help to resolve.

MEDIAÇÃO EM CASOS DE FAMÍLIA E DIVÓRCIO

Divórcio, Disputas em Familia e Resolução de Conflitos

Conflitos entre marido e mulher, pais e filhos, problemas conjugais, com parceiros ou entre familiares, divórcio, custódia física e legal, planejamento para os cuidados do menor, visitação de menores, revisão do suporte financeiro e plano de visitação, divisão de bens e possível reconciliação.

info@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2999

HOUSING MEDIATION PROGRAM

Conflict with a Tenant or Landlord?

We offer FREE MEDIATION for housing cases in Dukes and Bristol Counties and information about RAFT––rental financial assistance for back rent or moving out. Take a look at this article from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reporting about erroneous information about tenants being used and affecting homelessness and evictions.

MEDIAÇÃO EM CASOS DE MORADIA

Conflitos entre o proprietário e inquilinos?

Mediação GRÁTIS para qualquer tipo de conflito relativo a sua moradia nos Condados de Dukes e Bristol, e informações sobre o RAFT- programa de assistência financeira.

admin@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2199

RE-ENTRY PROGRAM

Easier Transition from Incarceration to Community

Re-entry Mediation is FREE to incarcerated individuals (pre-release) and recently released individuals (post-release). For more information, check out our flyers for pre-released and post-released individuals.

IN-COURT AND COURT-REFERRED MEDIATION SERVICES

MV Mediation provides free mediation services for eviction cases in Bristol and Dukes Counties. We are present at District Courts in Attleboro, Fall River, Taunton, and Edgartown for summary process cases. MVMP offers free services for civil cases and small claims in advance of the court date. We are also qualified to provide in-court and court-referred services for Dukes County District, Superior, Probate, and Family Courts. We provide mediation for pre-criminal and 286 E harassment cases. Our Juvenile court mediators help with cases referred from the Juvenile Court. MV Mediation waives fees for cases referred by court or with an active docket number. 

WORKPLACE CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

MV Mediation provides support to resolve conflicts in the workplace. We provide workshops and develop conflict resolution projects with workplaces, nonprofit organizations, and municipal and trades workplaces. Our confidential Workplace Management Cohort for supervisors and managers is a popular offering.

FACILITATION SERVICES

MV Mediation provides facilitation services for groups, boards of directors, organizations, companies, and families. Neutral and confidential facilitation allows those who are attending the meeting to fully participate. If you need facilitation services, please reach out to discuss your needs. Read this article that describes how a facilitator can help you or your organization.

“We are in a much better place since we had a facilitator help us to pull things together. Thanks to the mediation program for all your help.”

 ––A recent facilitation client

CONFLICT COACHING SERVICES

It can help you. Not therapy. Not advice. 

So, what is Conflict Coaching?

Conflict Coaching is a one-on-one process, with the client and a coach working collaboratively to develop a new approach to conflict. It usually takes place over two one-hour sessions. Make your appointment today!

SOCIAL MEDIA

Following us on social media is a great way to support MV Mediation! Connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. This month we focus on stress awareness and its connection to unresolved conflicts. As always, don’t miss out on helpful tips about managing conflicts in our daily lives. You will also get the latest information about community events, workshops, and courses.

Connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn

THANK YOU, DONORS!

Thanks to all our donors who participated in MV Mediation’s Annual Appeal. We will make use of your contributions wisely. We really appreciate your generosity.

It’s never too late to donate!

DONATE HERE

Our Mission

To serve our community by providing education, outreach,

mediation, conflict coaching, facilitation,

and related services to help prevent and resolve conflicts.

Our Vision

To create an island of competent, capable, and

effective conflict resolvers.

Thank you for our donors and sponsors for your continued support!

MV Regional Schools

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Healthy Aging Martha's Vineyard

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At MVMP our slogan is We Can Work It Out. Would you like to borrow this slogan?

Feel free. You Can Work It Out! We are here if you need our help.

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