The American Institute for Cognitive Therapy (AICT) is an internationally recognized team of clinical psychologists committed to providing the highest quality cognitive-behavioral treatment for a wide range of challenges, including depression, anxiety, phobias, eating disorders, personality disorders, and issues affecting children, adolescents, families, and relationships. Please contact our office by emailing intake@cognitivetherapynyc.com or calling (212) 308 - 2440 to learn more about our services. | | Recent Publications: Dr. Leahy's Translated Books | | Dr. Leahy’s books have been translated into 24 languages, including almost all of the major languages in the world. His books have been translated into Chinese, Korean, Japanese, German, Spanish, Brazilian, Portuguese, Russian, Hebrew, Farsi, Turkish, Arabic, and many other languages. These are some of the book covers of translations published in the past year. | |
Image Source: Jörg Angeli / Unsplash | | |
Sometimes, the biggest problems people face are due to underestimating risk. This is where productive worry can be helpful.
In his latest blog post, Dr. Robert Leahy examines how everyday problems like alcohol misuse, obesity, and reckless driving often arise from ignoring or minimizing real dangers.
Read more in his new Psychology Today post: "Do You Underestimate Risk?"
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Collaborative Problem-Solving: A Compassionate Approach to Helping Kids with Big Emotions and Challenging Behaviors
By Susan Paula, Ph.D.
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As parents, we often find ourselves wondering why our child struggles with certain tasks, melts down over seemingly small issues, or resists routines that others seem to manage easily. Dr. Ross Greene, a clinical child psychologist and author of The Explosive Child and Raising Human Beings, offers an approach that shifts the question from “What’s wrong with this child?” to “What’s getting in this child’s way?”
Greene’s Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) model—sometimes referred to as Collaborative & Proactive Solutions—helps parents move away from traditional punishment-and-reward systems and toward building skills and relationships through empathy, collaboration, and consistency.
A New Way of Thinking: Kids Do Well If They Can
At the heart of Greene’s philosophy is a simple but powerful idea: "Kids do well if they can." This means that when children are struggling—whether with transitions, emotional regulation, or following instructions—it’s not because they’re unmotivated or manipulative. It’s because they lack the skills they need to meet the expectations being placed on them. These missing skills might include:
- Flexibility and adaptability
- Problem-solving
- Frustration tolerance
- Emotional regulation
Rather than trying to “fix” the behavior with consequences, the CPS approach encourages us to identify and teach the skills the child is missing through collaboration, not control.
How Collaborative Problem-Solving Works
Greene’s model offers a 3-step process for resolving problems with your child:
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Empathy Step: Start by gathering information about the child’s concern or perspective. Ask open-ended questions like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been getting upset at bedtime—can you tell me more about that?” Listen without correcting or judging.
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Define the Adult Concern: Next, calmly and clearly share your concern (e.g., safety, health, routines, etc.). “I understand you want more time before bed. My concern is that you need enough sleep to be rested for school.”
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Invitation to Collaborate: Now, work together to brainstorm solutions that address both concerns. “Let’s see if we can think of a way for you to feel more in control at bedtime while still getting enough sleep. Do you have any ideas?”
This process is not about giving in—it’s about working together to find realistic, durable solutions. It also models healthy communication, respect, and problem-solving.
Why This Approach Works
Research and experiences of parents who have used this approach have shown that CPS:
- Reduces explosive or defiant behavior over time
- Strengthens the parent-child relationship
- Builds skills children need to succeed in school, home, and social settings
- Lowers stress for the entire family
It’s particularly helpful for kids with ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, anxiety, oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), and other challenges—but it’s beneficial for all children.
Final Thought
Parenting is hard, especially when our kids are struggling. The Collaborative Problem-Solving approach offers a roadmap rooted in compassion, connection, and skill-building. It doesn’t promise quick fixes—but it offers something better: long-term growth, mutual respect, and a calmer home. If you’ve ever wondered, “Why is my child doing this?”, maybe the more helpful question is: “What’s getting in their way—and how can we solve it together?”
Resources for Parents
Books:
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The Explosive Child (great for behavior that feels extreme) by Dr. Ross Greene
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Raising Human Beings (broader parenting focus, helpful for all families) by Dr. Ross Greene
Website: Lives in the Balance
- Free resources, videos, assessment tools, and a supportive community
Facebook Group: The B Team
Podcast: The CPS Podcast
- Hear real stories and advice from Dr. Greene and others using the model
YouTube: Search for Ross Greene interviews, webinars, and talks
| | Susan Trachtenberg Paula, Ph.D., is the Director of Child and Adolescent Services at the American Institute for Cognitive Therapy. She is a New York State-licensed psychologist with extensive experience in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), couples therapy, and family therapy. She works with clients of all ages, from very young children to adults. Dr. Paula received her Ph.D. in psychology from Indiana University, where she was granted a university fellowship and NIMH Research Traineeship. She has been teaching and supervising graduate students, social workers, and psychologists in CBT and DBT for over 30 years. | | | Child and Adolescent Services at AICT | |
At AICT, our child and adolescent specialists provide individual therapy and family therapy for children (ages 2-12), teens (ages 13-18), and their families. When necessary, we also provide short-term parent skills training and support for parents having difficulty managing behavior in the home. All treatment is evidence-based, which means that the treatment models we use have been repeatedly tested in research and clinical settings, and are effective in improving the problems they’re designed to treat. Our licensed clinical psychologists are extensively trained in CBT, Trauma-Focused CBT, parent skills training, family therapy, SPACE treatment, and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).
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Join a Skill-Building Group at AICT Today | | We are accepting new participants (ages 30+) in our Adult DBT Skills Group starting Wednesday, July 30th, led by Dr. Kathleen Taylor. This group will begin the Emotion Regulation module, focusing on increasing awareness of emotions, utilizing skills to regulate their level of intensity, and building resiliency. Group members will learn adaptive coping skills to reduce the force, impact, and duration of intense negative emotions in daily life. | |  | Enrollment is now open for our upcoming six-week Women’s Skills Group - Relationship and Social Connection Focus. This group, led by Dr. Allison Funk, is for women 18+ who are dealing with loneliness, dating burnout, difficulty forming fulfilling friendships, or conflict in important relationships. Over the course of six weeks, participants will learn concrete, real-life skills for dealing with these challenges while also benefiting from a safe space to share their experiences alongside other women. | | | To Learn More or to Sign Up, Contact our Intake Coordinator at (212) 308 - 2440 or email intake@cognitivetherapynyc.com. |
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The American Institute for Cognitive Therapy
150 East 58th St, 5th Floor Annex
New York, NY 10155
Phone: (212) 308 - 2440 Fax: (212) 308 - 3099
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