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Whose Expectations Do I Meet?
I’ll be honest—there were seasons when I felt crushed by the expectations placed upon me as a pastor’s wife. Some assumed I would lead strong in ministry, play an instrument, and host gatherings in our home with a smile. Others quietly measured me against their picture of the “perfect pastor’s wife.” I tried to keep up but felt I often didn’t give my best "yes"---rather I maybe should have given a polite “no.” And in the process, I began to lose sight of who God was calling me to be.
One morning, as I sat with my Bible open and my heart weary, Micah 6:8 spoke louder than the noise around me: “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”
That moment changed me. God wasn’t asking me to meet everyone’s expectations—only His. He never required perfection, only faithfulness. He called me to justice, mercy, and humble obedience, not to exhaustion and people-pleasing.
I still serve wholeheartedly, but now I pause and pray: Lord, is this Yours for me, or theirs for me? Not everyone understands, and that’s okay. John 15:18 reminds me that even Jesus wasn’t always accepted.
If you’ve been weighed down by impossible demands, release them today. Walk with God—not ahead of Him, not behind Him. His expectations are light, His yoke is easy, and His joy will strengthen you.
I like how Rhonda Rhea shares regarding this yoke:
"As pastors’ wives, there’s an entirely different yoke we sometimes take on. The expectation yoke. When we make meeting the expectations of others our goal, we essentially yoke ourselves and our own success level to those people. We become enslaved by their idea of a pastor’s wife. We’re setting ourselves up for defeat and burnout anytime we do that—because there’s no one who can meet every expectation of every church member. And let’s just get real here. Some of their expectations are just plain weird. We weren’t even built to measure up to those.
"We need to remember that expectations are actually built into our makeup. Everyone has them. I have expectations of my church even, so it’s not exactly fair if I ask my church to have none of me. The problem isn’t in the fact that people have expectations of us. The problem comes when we yoke ourselves to them. When we take on every expectation and try to fulfill each of them, we’re yoked to busyness—and we’re setting ourselves up for feelings of failure, inadequacy, and frustration.
"There are probably times as well when a pastor’s wife’s problem is not so much with the expectations of others as it is a need to please people. When we find ourselves yoked to the approval of people, our self-worth is also yoked to what they think of us. And that’s an uncomfortable and pretty dangerous yoke. Paul called it. 'We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts,' (1 Thess. 2:4). Then he solidly nailed it again in Gal. 1:10: 'For am I now trying to win the favor of people, or God? Or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a slave of Christ,'(HCSB).
"It’s also true that we can be aware of those expectations without getting all bent out of shape by them. People will expect you to be a certain kind of ministry wife. You don’t have to be angry about that. Sometimes the yoke is not so much the expectations of others as it is a pastor’s wife’s bitterness over people having them. Let them have their expectations. And decide to even be okay when you don’t meet them. No need to let them become a yoke. And no need to let them become a burden of resentment either. That can be a whole new yoke in itself.
"Whose expectations do we need to meet? His. Christ’s is a yoke that just fits. Anytime we find ourselves struggling under the weight of expectations, Jesus reminds us, “Come to Me.”
"Every day I need to remember to please only Him, to rest in Him. To give my soul a break and to 'come'."
I hope that next time you are consumed with thoughts of others' expectations of you--overwhelmed in the keeping up of other’s plans to meet their desires for you that you’ll remember you are a unique woman of God, and have only to live up to His plans for your life.
Strength and courage, Dear Ones.
Malinda
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