What do you need to know to work at the Pantry? Thankfully, not much. But you do need to know something, so let's get to it!

Well, there are a couple of things. First, how easy it is to feel vulnerable and hard done by in any situation involving a power imbalance, especially if it seems that the power can be exercised arbitrarily. Second, how memorable first impressions can be. "You never get a second chance to make a first impression" was a slogan that always resonated with me, and not just because I had a terrible dandruff problem well into adulthood.

Picking up food at the Pantry is not quite the same as gaining entry to a new country, but there is a power imbalance - we have food, our guests do not - and for a whole bunch of reasons, it is possible for our guests to not understand, or not follow, our policies and procedures. Compounding this, and unlike in my little anecdote, there IS potential for discrimination, actual, unintentional and perceived.

So, what do we do? Read the training materials for sure, but just being nice goes an awfully long way. And bring our best selves to the Pantry. The version we would like to be remembered by.

One thing is for sure. We have the first impression thing nailed. Our registration team embodies everything that is great about Daily Bread - welcoming, inclusive, kind, friendly...and dandruff-free.

The application and interpretation of civil rights can be controversial, but I think we can all agree that food poisoning is not a good thing. It is tempting to illustrate the importance of this topic with more personal stories, but there likely is no need - you probably have your own, equally horrific, tales. In the unlikely event you do not, I did consider including a link to the Bridal Shop scene in the 2011 movie Bridesmaids. But this is a family Newsletter, so if that scene isn't already living rent-free in your head, you will have to Google it.

Gravity plays a very important role at the Pantry, and a largely unhelpful one. Gravity makes many things difficult to carry, and gravity makes round objects, like onions, roll down The Slope really quickly. But what if we could change gravity? We can! We just need to expand the search area for our new location slightly. A 50lb bag of potatoes is really heavy here on Earth, but on the moon, it weighs only 8.27 pounds! Which makes the moon a really attractive option for our new home. The moon also offers ample parking and, reportedly, an almost unlimited supply of green cheese (note to self, check the Food Safety Manual on this).

Setting up on the moon does come with some drawbacks, but given our luck finding a new place so far, it's looking more attractive by the minute.

That might not answer all your questions about gravity, but we must move on.

"You can't fit a quart into a pint pot" used to be quite a common expression in England. You do still hear it, although it is now outlawed because of the metric system. No explanation is really needed as to its meaning, or its relevance to our chronically space-constrained Pantry.

Anyways, while still legal to say in the U.S. (thank you, First Amendment!), the negativity it embodies is clearly inapplicable in the optimistic New World. By employing non-Newtonian physics, and also pushing really hard, we fit a quart into a pint pot at every truck unloading. I would love to explain further, but we have run out of time today.

Class dismissed.