Our Blog Stories and Articles
Open Doorways into Understanding Trauma
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WELCOME! We are so happy to have you join us!
I’m Diana, the founder, designer and co-writer of our Trauma Talk Blog Series, and Mindset Coaching programs.
Let me introduce my good friend, Jan, our dedicated writer, editor and also. We are both certified mental health educators.
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Together, we created our blog series because we are parents with lived experience, that is, as parents we have seen our loved ones, our family members and our close friends, as well as our co-workers and neighbors, suffer from the anguish and havoc that trauma-related experiences inflict.
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Our blog content offers a variety of meaningful topics
and resources for you and your family.
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Bullying is an everyday phenomenon in schools,
yet it is widely misunderstood.
Bullying can affect everyone—those who are bullied, those who bully, and those not-so-innocent bystanders
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Returning to School and Work
Bullying and aggression are not just in schools,
but in the home and workplace as well.
Understanding the link between trauma and behavior
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Diana's Message
Bullied in School and Home
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This month's Trauma Talk Blog topic is not just personal for me. It is the reason I created this blog and continue to teach and speak about the long-term effects of this type of trauma, and advocate for the knowledge, tools and resources that are needed to cope and recover from the often devastating effects of traumatic experiences.
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Yes, like many of us, I too was bullied in school...so much that I missed many school days due to fear and anxiety. I also lived in a house where there was danger, where I was subjected to years of taunting, bullying and neglect.
I have a child who was bullied in middle school and high school where it escalated into a severe physical assault, and who had to be hospitalized for the sudden onset of mental health disorders that lasted for many years.
It wasn't just our child's life that dramatically changed. Our whole family suffered greatly, and we moved to another state so our child could attend a performing arts school where there were opportunities to grow and heal.
I have been on this path with my child for twelve years. Now at 24 years old everything is going amazingly well -- successful in college and happily employed.
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Definition of a Bully
A blustering, browbeating person especially:
One who is habitually cruel, insulting
or threatening to others who are weaker, smaller, or in some way vulnerable.
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A look at bullying among middle school and high school student points to problems at home. |
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Bullies, their victims and kids who were both bullies and victims were far more likely to have been hurt by a family member or to have seen family violence than peers who weren't involved in bullying.
This is according to data by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
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The bully, the bullied and the
not-so-innocent bystander
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Click below to instantly download your
Bullying Guide
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Why Bullies Don't Feel Bad (Or Don't Know They Do)
Bullies are unaware of their negative self-perceptions.
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Advertising campaigns are promoting the idea that bullies truly feel bad about themselves. In one of the ads, for example, a girl denigrates others at school then disparages herself while viewing her own image in a locker mirror.
Generally speaking, that’s not how bullies operate. If you assume bullies are aware of feeling bad about themselves, you may be ineffective in dealing with them. Attacking others actually enables bullies to be unaware of what they really feel. Thus, you probably won’t find a bully belittling her reflection in a mirror.
Bullies induce shame and humiliation in others by intuitively recognizing a person's insecurities and attacking them. The bully’s attacks are projections of their own shame and feelings of inadequacy that are modified to penetrate a victim’s vulnerability.
Attacking others not only halts any inclination to look within themselves, it also can be exciting as it stimulates the physical experience of power.
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Although bullies diminish others in order to raise themselves up, they are not conscious of how negatively they feel about themselves.
Diminishing others keeps their need to elevate themselves out of their conscious awareness.
As humans adapt to situations and circumstances in early life they develop a pattern of how they respond to shame. Distinctive shame responses color the relationships we have with others and ourselves.
These learned responses to feeling shame include withdrawal, avoidance, attacking oneself, and attacking others.
In response to shame, withdrawal hides one’s feelings from others and it can lead to isolated depression. The notion that people bully others because they have low self-esteem implies they are aware of feeling bad about themselves as depicted in the ad campaign.
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Diana is a contributing author in the new Phoenix Rising Book!
Powerful women authors from around the world
share courageous and transformational stories.
Book launches September 24th!
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"My chapter in this book is an exploration of the life of hidden truths, secrets and, worst of all, self-deception, and how ubiquitous and tragically misunderstood trauma is.
In surviving trauma and caring for myself through all the devastation it wreaks, perhaps the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that trying to minimize trauma, rationalize it, stigmatize it, and put on a stoic, but, erroneous public face only makes things worse.
Ultimately, it is a story of how I, first as a mother, and then, simply as myself, rose from the ashes of my own traumatic past, allowing healing to be at the forefront of my life, to become the hero of my own story." -Diana Kendros
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As always, thanks for reading, and we appreciate all the wonderful comments!
Diana and Jan
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