|
When I was younger I wanted to be seen (outrageous dress clothing a shy introvert), then I wanted to be heard (became a columnist on two newspapers) and now, soft drum roll, I want to be “held”.
Held Not On Hold
When life is full of sharps and blasts and you feel raw – a sort of “life tartare” , if you will, succour and solace is what was is needed. If this concept is new to you let me break it down for you.
Being “held” is:
- Not about being fixed, lifted, distracted or entertained
- It is the relief of not having to perform competence
- It is a primal need to feel “safe” and understood
- It is the tenderness of being witnessed by others
- It’s showing yourself deep compassion
- It is a permission
It’s Not Woo It’s About You
Neuroscience tells us humans are wired for co-regulation and we sync with those around us. So, finding a calm person or quiet community can help lower activity in the amygdala (the brain’s threat detector) and can help us feel safe and peaceful.
We all know a lovely long hug works wonders on our oxytocin levels but a pair of strong arms are not always on standby to scoop us up. So here are a few things that work for me that might help you feel “held” when you are in need of comfort and kindness.
- A long bath with a good book
- Swimming
- A heated throw or weighted blanket
- Sitting quietly with a wise friend
- Comfort food
- Deep breaths
- Tea in bed
The body needs time to remember the ancient truth that even as adults we need soothing. We can strive, survive and hopefully thrive but sometimes when life is hard and pressing we just need to cup ourselves in comfort and care. There is no shame. The courageous know that a need for a cuddle is a call to arms
Fancy a chat? – book a free 30 minute call with me.
| 
