Weekly Newsletter

August 2, 2023

Quote of the Week:

“Journaling allows you to step back, confide in yourself,

and find your purpose in relation to caregiving.”

– Lynn Goodwin

Journaling for Caregivers

“B. Lynn Goodwin adored her mother, a woman of tremendous beauty and wit who fought “tooth and nail” for years to hide the fact that her mind was degenerating. When she was finally diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in the mid-‘90s, Goodwin was stunned. At that time there were few places caregivers could turn to for support.

Goodwin began journaling to cope with feelings of isolation and guilt, and with the anger she felt toward her mom and at times toward herself.”

She is the author of: “You Want Me to Do What?” Journaling for Caregivers”

Her website: writeradvice.com. Writer Advice since 1997;

Listen to Lynn herself, here — “Journaling for Caregivers”

Lynn Goodwin and Family Caregiver Alliance give an insightful and inspiring 40 minute online webinar (originally, on May 26th, 2021) titled “Journaling for Caregivers”.

You can watch the recording of this here anytime! Just click play below:

Per Family Caregiver Alliance website cited above:

Lynn says, “journaling for caregivers is a way to relieve stress, find meaning and purpose that often gets lost in day-to-day activities, and find new ways to share our love with the one we care for. The objectives of the Journaling for Caregivers webinar are to: learn how to free write with no judgements, say what you need to and see how it changes the way you feel, and to find or re-discover hope.”

Here is a helpful outline from her presentation (taken from her slides of the webinar cited above):

1. Why journal? Record of events and feelings. Gives perspective. Restores sanity. Cheaper than therapy. Can save the life of a distraught caregiver (as Lynn characterizes her own experience caring for her mother).

2. How do you journal? Set a timer for 10 minutes or longer. Write what’s in your heart. Let one idea lead to another. Forget grammar and spellings as long as you can read what you wrote and it makes sense to you later. Send the judgment gremlins packing. One idea can lead to another and what you want to say will start to emerge. “Trust the process!”

3. What if you can’t think of anything to write about? Ideas — start with a sensory image. Something you see in your mind’s eye. … The dark red rug, shaggy dog sprawled out…

Don’t stop when you feel stuck. If necessary, just write I feel stuck! Over and over again! Use sentence-starts… (see next slide) Write whatever is in your head. Doesn’t have to make a lot of sense immediately. Contradictions, for example, are not a problem!

4. Sample sentence-starts:

I want to…
I don’t want to…
If only…

Start writing from one sentence-start and write for 10 minutes. Then go back and underline your favorite sentences. Say what you want to say at this moment. Say what you need to say at this moment. Don’t judge!

5. Set the timer now for 10 minutes. “Go for it!”

6. Miscellaneous thoughts: her email: lgood67334@comcast.net; Pick subjects that appeal to you. Try to write 3-4 times per week; Remember — “There are no mistakes, only new material.”

7. What do you do when you become emotionally distraught? Keep going! If you are a caregiver, likely you may be emotionally distraught from time to time. (Get a box of tissues and keep writing!)

8. Should you reread what you wrote? Maybe, maybe not. If you share your writing with someone it can be useful to underline what you think is most important in what you wrote.

9. Is it helpful to set aside a specific time to write? Yes, it’s helpful, not always doable. Whatever works for you.

10. What do you do when caregiving is really hard — that’s the hardest but maybe the most important time to journal. Try writing about: why it’s hard to journal right now…

11. Something to keep in mind as you write…

“Purple” by Alexis Rotella

In first grade

Mrs. Lohr said

my purple teepee

wasn’t realistic enough

that purple was no color

for a tent,

that purple was a color,

for people who died,

that my drawing

wasn’t good enough to hang

with the others.

I walked back to my seat

counting the swish swish swishes

of my baggy corduroy trousers

With black crayon

nightfall came to my purple tent

in the middle of an afternoon.

In second grade

Mr Barta said draw anything,

he didn’t are what.

I left my paper blank

and when he came around

to my desk

my heartbeat like a tom-tom.

he touched my head

with his big hand

and in a soft voice said

the snowfall

how clean

and white

and beautiful.

Family Caregiver Alliance, and Lynn Goodwin — Journaling: A Path to Greater Clarity and Compassion

Laura Saponara for Family Caregiver Alliance May 2021: https://www.caregiver.org/news/journaling-a-path-to-greater-clarity-and-compassion

Laura asks Lynn…

What is journaling, exactly?

Journaling is the process of using free writing to get deeper into what you really want to say. If you don’t want to write something, write it anyway! That way your thoughts don’t get negated before you get them out. There are no mistakes, only new material.

How does free writing differ from other types of writing?

Free writing is not intended to be shared. It is unfiltered and has no structure. You might be writing about one thing and dig deeper and deeper until you get to why you’re writing about it. You may find yourself at an opening, a portal into worlds you don’t often verbalize.

You argue that journaling can help one find the meaning and purpose in caregiving.

Yes. For each of us, what we have done in life has meaning and what we hope to do has meaning. Journaling allows you to step back, confide in yourself, and find your purpose in relation to caregiving. And on the toughest days, journaling can reacquaint you with your own sanity.

What effect did your mom’s diagnosis have on you?

It was like I entered an hourglass that was very narrow in the middle and I came out the other side into a world I had never imagined. I began to understand that with Alzheimer’s, some connections in the brain vanish. Others remain intact. My mother was conscious of this and she was scared. I became more compassionate.

How did you know when you needed to journal?

When I felt a lot of negative emotions. I had a lot of guilt and self-doubt. Of course I could not “fix” Alzheimer’s, but when things were going poorly I tended to blame myself. Journaling helped me see things more clearly and gain a healthy distance from difficult emotions.

I was also able to realize that my mom was treating me like a child because of a dysfunction in her brain. And that was on her, not on me. I could not control her behavior, but I could control the way I responded to it.

What happens in your journaling workshop?

The workshop is a time for participants to try journaling. I ask everyone to read over what they’ve written and highlight two or three lines that have energy for them. These are the places where to go deeper. I also try to help participants to recognize their strengths as a writer.

What are your favorite journaling prompts for caregivers?

Today I want…
Today I need…
I remember…
I wish…
What I really want to say is…

Can you generalize some of the themes that tend to emerge in journaling by caregivers?

Many times, the person being cared for doesn’t want to need your help. And caregivers, too, often have a level of resentment that they would really rather hide. Journaling is a safe way to let it escape and to arrive at a place of acceptance.