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We regularly like to give our very busy Stated Clerk a small break and have a member of Presbytery Council write an article for the Bi-Weekly Brief. For this edition we are grateful to the Rev. Brenna Overland, Pastor of Bay City-First and one of our Pastor To Pastors.
If I am honest, the truth for me lately is that I always feel like I am failing somebody. With a two year old and a 4 month old at home it feels like no matter what I do I am letting someone down. Play with the toddler? Must be letting down the infant who is laying on his play mat alone. Cuddle the baby? Disappoint the toddler who wants to show me his blocks. And it doesn't stop there. Go to work and I feel like I am letting down my family by missing out on being with them. Stay home when one of the kids doesn’t feel well? Well then I must be failing my congregation because I was supposed to be at an event or taking communion to someone. And goodness forbid I take any time for myself. Even going to the grocery store alone makes me feel like I am a failure, like I am letting someone down. I am not sure when we decided that as people and pastors we were supposed to be all things, to all people, at all times but I am sure it is not sustainable.
I have been reading a book lately called Am I doing it Right?: Making Choices Without Mom Guilt, and have been struck by how much it speaks to me not just as a mom but also as a pastor. The constant tug and pull between people’s needs and wants and expectations can leave us feeling like we are a constant source of disappointment. But in the book there is a line that has stuck with me incessantly the past few days: “There is no relationship between how much you believe something is true and how true it is. Did you get that? There is no relationship between how strongly, deeply, fiercely you believe something is true and how true it is.”
Just because you feel like or even believe you are a disappointment, or a failure, or not enough… it does not mean that you are. Our brains and the world have a way of trying to make us believe things about ourselves and the world that are not true. Your worth is not dependent on what you do or produce. Working more at the expense of your health, your family, your faith, your joy is not holy or a thing to be admired. Failing at a task or even at a job doesn't make you a failure or unworthy of love and good things.
What is true is this: You are not Jesus. You are, however, a beloved child of God. It is not your responsibility to save people or be all things to everyone. Perfection is an unrealistic and pointless goal. Your call and job do not define you. You will mess up and make mistakes and that is okay and normal. You are loved fiercely, tenderly, and completely by the God of the universe.
On Easter Sunday we celebrated the truth of that fierce love of God. It is an unshakeable truth that has its roots in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. So when you have moments when you begin to believe you are failing, or unworthy, or bad, or any other terrible thoughts that keep us up at night; hold on to the truth. Afterall, the God of the universe loves you, forgives you, and accepts you as you are; perhaps it is time you should try and love, forgive, and accept yourself as well.
In Christ,
The Rev. Brenna Overland
Pastor, Bay City-First
Lake Huron Presbytery Pastor To Pastors
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