Break A Strong-Willed Child's Spirit?
Casey and I went for a walk last night after our workshop in Indianapolis. He told me that a well-meaning Mom approached him and said the following:
"God gave us two good children and one strong-willed son. He fights us over everything. We've tried to break his spirit for years and nothing has worked. How can we do this?"
I understand how challenging it can be to raise a strong-willed child. We had 1,500 of these kids in our home. I can tell you that it's impossible to break their spirits. More importantly, why would you want to break your child's spirit?
I'll just be honest. This kind of thinking is rampant in many communities and churches. It's not only misguided. It doesn't work! In fact, it makes things worse. I guarantee it will cause the following to happen:
(1) Your child will shut down and become defiant in response to being "fixed" or "changed" because he knows that his parents don't truly understand or accept him as he is.
(2) The power struggles will continue to escalate. Husbands and wives will argue over how to remedy this. Women will be caught between trying to protect the child and undermining their husband. It gets ugly.
(3) Many years later, you will realize you missed your child's childhood. You will probably have an angry teenager who needs a supportive parent, but the divide is great.
I want to challenge you to think about these kids in three different ways. This is exactly why we created Calm Parenting University Program-so whether from the privacy of your home or in a small group at church, you would have 40 different strategies to change your relationships and feel like you're not alone. Click here for the Home Edition.
(1) Wrestle with the three questions that kept nagging at me for a couple years before I changed.
What if your child is wired or made like this on purpose (what if he isn't broken, just different)? What if you are frustrating your child's destiny/purpose by trying to change who your child is? What if instead of changing your child, you are the one who needs to change?
I promise if you put that same energy into changing yourself, you will see your child change more than you ever imagined.
Are you willing?
(2) When you begin to understand what motivates your child-
and fully accept that he isn't motivated by the same things you care about (good behavior, good grades, study skills, organization)-you will be able to use that persistent, relentless spirit to accomplish great things. So come be a student of your strong-willed child. Discover what he cares about-and you'll be shocked at how organized, disciplined, and motivated your child can be.
(3) Consequences and punishment don't work.
I want your thinking to change to this tone:
"Son, my assumption is that you don't want to lose all your stuff and be in trouble. I know that you know what you did was wrong. So why don't you grab the soccer ball and I'll show you three different ways to respond to that situation next time so you have the tools to make better choices." You become the teacher on your child's side rather than the frustrated parent barking out consequences.
Does your family need to learn a new way to understand and motivate your child? Then watch the 4 DVDs together and begin the healing process. Click here for the Home Edition.
There are families in your church and community who desperately need help with a challenging child. Right now, your church can host this program for FREE.
The cost is typically $297 per church, but we want to get this program into as many communities in America as we can. It not only has the power to change lives--it IS changing relationships. And that's priceless.
Calm Parenting University is a Ready-Made Program. We've created all the materials and content so you can easily host a class this spring. The best part?! You will connect with other parents who have the same struggles through group discussions.
