For Immediate Release

April 1, 2025

NEW DEPARTMENT TO IMPROVE EFFICIENCY

DANBURY, CT. In response to increasing concerns over federal funding cuts, Daily Bread has formed the Department of Pantry Efficiency (DOPE) to root out waste.

We sat down with DOPE director Peter Kent to learn more.


Q. Where do you see efficiency improvements at Daily Bread?

A. Well, we often move things from A to B to C, then back to A again. In some situations, perhaps we could cut out B altogether.

Q. Wouldn't it be better to just leave the stuff at A?

A. That is an interesting idea, but let's not run before we can walk.

Q. Where else could the pantry save money?

A. The Daily Bread t-shirt budget has gotten way out of hand. I'm thinking that similarly-sized volunteers with similar personal hygiene standards could share a shirt. We'll be launching an app to help volunteers find a suitable "t-shirt buddy" soon.

Q. Any other examples?

A. Plenty! But you should remember that, as head of DOPE, it's my job to take the credit for everyone else's good ideas, not so much to have them myself.

Q. You don't have any other examples, do you?

A. No.

Q. What about the Daily Bread jet? Shouldn't that be a prime target of DOPE?

A. Ah, you might think so. But the Gulfstream salesperson said my time is so valuable that a jet would greatly increase the pantry's efficiency. I will say the thing is very efficient at converting dollars into CO2 emissions.

Q. Why are there gold-plated fixtures in the Daily Bread executive bathroom?

A. It's a well-known fact that gold has antibacterial properties. Also, who've you been talking to?

Q. So you don't see the executive bathroom as a place to eliminate waste?

A. Certainly not.

Q. How much did you spend on these mugs?

A. Let me get back to you on that. But you can't really put a price on good design.

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