Can we just stop for a hot minute and acknowledge it has rained on Wednesdays or Thursdays for the last 3 weeks? Can we also stop and give a round of applause to the Garden Center staff who wear raincoats, rain hats, and sometimes waterproof pants just to unload all the blooming things for you?
But hey, let's talk about pollen. If I could make a weather request, my request would be that it rains hard for 9 minutes and 32 seconds at 6:05am each morning for the next four weeks. Because we all know what pollen does and nothing and no one is safe. Rain, pollen, wind, and smells. No one is safe.
Smells? About that. Monday morning, I arrive to work and walk in. The front door and porch windows are wide open, which is unusual considering the pollen from the pines are covering everything minute by minute.
I walk in to greet Nick and AmberLeigh and before I could open my mouth to say hello, instead, I say, "Oh my god. What the heck is that smell?"
Insert three sets of eye-rolls here. "Yes, we checked all the trash cans. Yes, we checked the break room. Yes, we checked the kitchen," as they spoke in unison.
"Ok, then something has seriously died somewhere in or under this house," I say, gagging.
There was a moment when we contemplated drawing straws on who would need to go under the house. What would we find? Is it a dead possum? A raccoon? A really large python that has once again escaped a home in Raleigh? What if it's a body and we end up on WRAL?!! Publicity is good but we don't need that kind of publicity.
I text John and casually mention the smell and ask if there is any chance at all he could, maybe, peak his head under the house for me. Please? Pretty please? Pretty, pretty please with sugar on top?
His response: "I spoke with an older gentleman about the smell under the house. He suggested that what you might want to do is buy a buzzard and send it under."
Me: "I mean, I'm for that but where would I find one? And why do animals have to literally go and die in the worst places? Why can't they just go out into the woods and die and become part of the circle of life like they are supposed to? So rude."
The next day, John located the dead animal. It was a rabbit. And that made me sad. I like rabbits. And then I asked him for one more small favor: "John, can you please toss the rabbit in Doug's car? P.l.e.a.s.e."
The rabbit was carefully laid to rest in a better location for those of you who just gasped. I was kidding. But if you know Doug and I, it would be something we would both consider doing to one another.
All jokes aside, you really should hop on over, skip if you have to. It's spring in the garden y'all and it's time to play... I mean, PLANT!