CFC News - Summer 2025

Volume 9 Number 4 | Summer 2025

Averting a Cutoff in an Inherited Triangle

Summer 2025 has arrived. The beach, hiking trails, travel adventures, and more beckon us. Unexpected upheaval and uncertainty gripped many countries around the world this past year. The time for some genuine rest is overdue. Although CFC cannot offer you a day, week, or month off, we have chosen a topic for our annual one-day Summer Conference this year that may help you escape the societal stressors for a day and redirect your focus inward. The conference focuses on how one bridges existing generational cutoffs, while this essay is an example of a case study of an individual who inherits a position in a triangle after someone dies. The question is, must one inevitably accept that inheritance, and continue to amplify the anxiety in the system, or can one member of the new triangle avert the cutoff, thereby avoiding a downward spiral that could impact future generations?

We can unintentionally inherit positions in family triangles when someone dies. Ann had the good fortune of growing up in the 1950s. Her parents had grown up during the great depression and married just two years before World War II began. Their first child, a son, was born just before the war started, and Ann was born 7 years later. By then, the family had settled into their own home. Her dad joined his family’s business, and her mom was an active stay-at-home mom. She returned part-time to the workplace when Ann was nine years old.

During the next 25 years, Ann was aware of minimal drama and strife in her family of origin and their extended families. Her dad’s family lived nearby and gathered regularly for holidays and other special occasions. Her mom’s parents and 3 siblings lived 800 miles away. Ann’s family drove to see them once or twice a year. Some of her mom’s family members visited her from time to time as well. Her dad’s parents had died before Ann was born. Her mom’s mother died when Ann was 3 years old, so she knew only one grandfather, mainly through letters they exchanged and the occasional visits each year until he died during her senior year in college.

Tragedy struck 3 years after Ann graduated from college when her mom’s younger brother, age forty-three, died unexpectedly. There was shock and profound grief throughout the family. The uncle, the youngest, was adored by the whole family. Within four years, her mom developed multiple myeloma and died 5 years later, at the age of 62. Her mom’s two sisters, one 18 months older than her, and one 4 years younger, both lived to be 97. Ann was 34 when her mom died, and little did Ann realize that she inherited her mom’s outside position in an active triangle of her mom and two aunts.

What did that triangle look like? Ann’s mom and her older sister had a conflictual relationship that began in childhood and persisted into adulthood, easing only shortly before their mother’s death. Although close in age, Ann’s mom resented that their immigrant parents had relied heavily on the oldest daughter to help them learn English, navigate the school system, and manage other aspects of life in a large city. In contrast, the older sister viewed Ann’s mom as the favorite—the one spared from so much responsibility. Meanwhile, the two younger siblings admired both of their older sisters.

During visits to her mom’s family while Ann was growing up, they always stayed with her mom’s younger sister and her family. They would also see the older aunt during a visit, but as a child, Ann was most interested in playing with her cousins. She didn’t get to know her older aunt as well as she did the younger one, whose house she slept at during the visits.

After college, Ann had a career that required frequent travel, and she was often in the area where her two aunts lived. She always stayed with the younger aunt when her mom was alive, and continued that pattern after her mom died.

Seven years later, Ann began studying Bowen theory. As part of her family of origin work, she explored relationships within her extended family. She met each surviving aunt and uncle to learn more about her parents' lives during their upbringing. On her mother’s side, she became curious about the relationship between her mother and her older sister. While constructing her family diagram, she began by interviewing the younger aunt to uncover family history from the grandparent and great-grandparent generations. She found the process fascinating and was able to confirm the accuracy of facts through her other aunt and various sources, including her parents' first and second cousins and old family friends.

Ann finally mustered the courage to ask her younger aunt about "the triangle." Her aunt was immensely relieved, as she had close bonds with both her sisters and always felt trapped in the middle of their disagreements. The main issue in their adult lives was that Ann's mother always stayed at her younger sister's house during visits, a pattern Ann continued as an adult. The younger aunt revealed to Ann that she often received an "earful" after Ann's departure. Her older aunt felt hurt and disappointed that Ann never stayed with her or spent much time together when visiting. Ann was astonished by this revelation. It was unintentional; she had been operating on "auto-pilot," still seeing the family through her mother's eyes and assuming she knew what was expected.

She resolved to gradually make more of an effort to spend time with her older aunt during visits and eventually called to ask if she could stay with her on a specific weekend when she would be in the area. Her aunt accepted with alacrity! Over time, they began to know each other better, spoke on the phone more frequently, and eventually established a regular email correspondence. Ann discovered her aunt to be fascinating, with a wicked sense of humor. They had many fun times together over the years.

Now, 35+ years since Ann de-triangled, she recently returned from an annual trip with her two cousins; each one a daughter of one of the two aunts. All three cousins live in different cities. They see each other at extended family events. However, in addition to those contacts, they schedule annual getaways just for the three of them every year or so. The inherited triangle is a lot less anxious in their generation.

The three women also include other cousins if they travel near their homes during one of their special trips. This serves as a case study in which at least one potential “cutoff,” that of cousin Ann, was avoided. Further altering the family dynamic by occasionally involving other cousins and the children of cousins may also contribute to fostering multi-generational maturity and resilience, rather than creating new anxious cutoffs.

Leslie Ann Fox, MA

CFC Faculty

Registration is Open for CFC's Summer Conference

This conference will focus on alternatives to emotional cutoff.

With knowledge of the emotional process that sparks cutoff and motivation to work on one’s own part in it, cutoffs can be bridged, contact can be re-established, and people can reclaim to a significant extent the emotional connection that has been lost through cutoff. Study of one’s family and moving toward a more objective and systemic view are first steps. With an enlarged perspective, one begins to see cutoff as a product of the family emotional system and to see one’s own part in the reactive family patterns.

Described by Bowen:

“The study requires that the researcher begin to gain control over his emotional reactivity to his family…and that he develop the ability to become a more objective observer in his own family.”

With this view, possibilities for change open up. It is a well-proven avenue for growth in one’s own maturity.

The morning will focus on the concept of emotional cutoff and its relation to the total of Bowen theory. Co-founding faculty member Stephanie Ferrera, MSW, will present an overview of family emotional process, followed by case studies from CFC faculty John Bell, M.Div, and Cecilia Guzman, MS, illustrating the creative ways they or their clients have reversed family cutoffs.

In the afternoon, we will watch the documentary Everything’s Kosher, a delightful story of how one family reconnected and resolved their differences. Faculty member Lisa Moss, MSW, will interview the film’s director and main character, Adam Fried, on this ongoing effort in his family. It is hoped that our audience will take home a host of creative ideas and a spirit of hopefulness regarding their own families.

Friday, July 25th, 2025

9:00 A.M. to 4:30 P.M. CST (8:30 A.M. Registration)

The Carleton of Oak Park Hotel Oak Park, IL directions

This is an In-Person Conference

CFC Faculty Presents

John Bell, MDiv will be presenting at the Community Care in Action Symposium on September 25th and 26th.

The symposium, hosted by Graceful Therapy, will be held at Society 57 in downtown Aurora, IL. John will be discussing how therapist and counseling centers can collaborate with other nonprofits in their communities using Bowen theory as a guide.

more information >

Stephanie Ferrera, MSW presented at a conference hosted by The New England Seminar on Bowen Theory June 13-14, 2025.

The conference, entitled "The Human Relationship with the Land and with Each Other," included featured presentations from Joanne Bowen, PhD, and Daniel V. Papero, Ph.D. LCSW. The title of Stephanie's presentation was: "The Family as an Economic Unit and and Emotional Unit."

more information >

What are CFC Faculty Reading and Viewing This Season?

Lisa Friedstein, MSW recommends the television series Ginny & Georgia (streaming on Netflix)

Ginny & Georgia, created by Sarah Lampert, is a dramedy that follows Georgia Miller, a resourceful single mother with a troubled past, and her 15-year-old daughter, Ginny. Seeking stability, Georgia moves her family to a small Massachusetts town after years of relocation, but her secrets and history of poor choices continue to impact them.

This show provides a dramatic framework for examining core ideas from Bowen Family Systems theory. Specifically, Ginny & Georgia demonstrates how unresolved emotional family issues can be passed down through generations, which aligns with Bowen's concept of the multigenerational transmission process. Additionally, the show prompts reflection on concepts such as cutoff, the family projection process, triangles and differentiation of self. more >

Cecilia Guzman, MS recommends the book After by Bruce Greyson, M.D. published in 2021

After my father's 1st open heart surgery in 1971, he reported to my Mom that he experienced an NDE (Near Death Experience). Since then, I've always been very interested in learning more about this phenomenon. While roaming the aisles at the bookstore, this book almost popped out of the shelf and into my hands.

After is an amazing book for several reasons:

The author applies as much scientific research methodology and statistical analysis to a subject that, by its very nature, cannot be measured objectively, nor can a control group be supplied. Yet, he presents both sides of the problem: the scientific knowledge about what we already know about consciousness, which is meager, and the philosophical, spiritual, and historical perspectives. A must-read for Bowen enthusiasts, as it is very much a systems approach to a complicated subject. more >

Kelly Matthews, MSW recommends the book, The Social Paradox: Autonomy, Connection, and Why We Need Both to find Happiness, by William von Hippel.‎

In The Social Paradox, William von Hippel discusses and reviews research around “autonomy” and “connection”, and the need of humans for both. What is challenging about striking a balance, which he sees as currently out of whack? Dr. Hippel is an evolutionary biologist and looks at the very big picture of these forces throughout human evolution, themes that were of interest to Dr. Murray Bowen, as well. more >

Leslie Fox, MA and Sydney Reed, MSW recommend the movie Nonnas (streaming on Netflix)

Nonnas is about family, food, loss, and connection to those we hold most dear in our lives. Well written, acted, and hilarious. Bowen family therapists would have their work cut out for them coaching these delightful and infuriating characters. See for yourself. more >

Sydney Reed, MSW recommends the book On the Brink of Everything: Grace Gravity and Getting Old by Robert Palmer

Recently, I've participated in a study group on how to die well. The answer is to live well. Parker Palmer, founder of the Center for Courage and Renewal, considers himself a learner, a teacher, and an activist. describes what he has learned about aging and the internal work necessary to become an authentic self. His life has been inspired by many thinkers, particularly Thomas Merton, a Trappist Monk. His suggestion that living in the "Fierce Reality" of our lives with complete honesty, I believe, is one way to assume responsibility for defining who you are and what you stand for in the world. more >