Baptisms are always most welcomed and sacred occurrences at any time or place. A recent one at Freedom Church left me stunned. After completing three scheduled baptisms, Pastor Kyle Bailey picked up his microphone while still waist deep in water and asked "is there anyone in the congregation who would like to be baptized today?" I was amazed when a hand shot up on the other side of the room, and I thought "who raises their hand to be baptized, fully dressed, during Sunday services?" Pastor Kyle asked the person with her hand up, "Are you a Believer?" The reply was a female voice affirming the question. He invited her to come forward, and a young woman ran past me and headed up to the baptistry. I grabbed my phone and, praying it would not make an annoying noise, took pictures for her to show to her family. As it turned out, she has no family with whom to share photos. I was stunned because this woman is one of the most striking women I have ever met. She (Tawnya Gallagher) looks exactly, like a younger Robin Wright (who portrays Claire Underwood from House of Cards). What was the urgency which drove her to the altar, knowing the entire church would later see her dripping wet? The girl was obviously running to the Lord but, what was she running from?
On Sundays, Tawnya would routinely watch her neighbor Sam head off to Freedom Church. He would ask her to join him but she played it "cool" and politely declined week after week. Sam, making no headway, tried a different strategy and extended another invitation one Saturday. Lo and behold, it worked and they agreed to attend church together the following day. Imagine how thrilled Sam must have been to witness Tawnya's baptism the following Sunday. I later asked Tawnya what had possessed her make a split second decision to be baptized fully clothed. "My hand went up and nothing could have stopped it," she replied. She remembers shaking in the baptismal pool as Pastor Kyle put his hand on her shoulder and prayed for her. She recalls that she could feel prayer, she felt prayer.
Months later over breakfast, Tawnya told me, "since my baptism, a different world has opened up." Indeed it has, as she now celebrates safely resting in the loving arms of Jesus instead of cold, battering, brutal, abusing, controlling arms.
Tawnya was born Aug. 19th, 1979, in Kittanning, Pennsylvania. Her parents divorced while she was an infant. Tawnya and her mother moved into her grandparent's home in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, and her dad moved to the Bahamas where his business had a corporate office. She was an only child and was passed back and forth between parents. She remembers from as early as three years old that her mother would repeat over and over that she looked like her dad. Tawnya's mother could not stand the sight of her young daughter because of the memories that washed over her from an ugly divorce. She was a nasty, often violent drunk who blamed Tawnya for her bad fortune. Tawnya was terrified of her mother, who often accused her of stealing money which her mother had in fact spent on alcohol. Her grandfather would have eggs and scotch for breakfast and then head off to work. Her grandmother tried her best, but could not stop Tawnya's abusive mother from damaging her child. Tawnya felt loved by her grandmother but yearned for her mother to nurture and love her. She and her grandmother attended the local Catholic Church, where Tawnya was baptized, went through Catechism, and attended mass weekly with her grandmother until she was sixteen. Her mother never joined them.
Both grandparents have now passed, and Tawnya does not know where her mother lives. To this day, Tawnya does not drink or use drugs as she knows first-hand how destructive they can be.
Her father, who passed four years ago, was a good, hard-working man who loved his daughter. He never remarried, and Tawnya does not remember him ever dating. She attributes her strong work ethic to him. She thrived when she spent summers in the Bahamas with her father. She remembers swimming and playing softball with her cousins and yearly visits to Disney. Life was as healthy and good with dad as it was sick and abusive with mom.
Tawnya is pondering attempting to reach her mother, as they have not spoken for seven years. She hesitates, as she suffered both mental and physical abuse from her mom. It broke my heart when she told me how her mother would smother her with a pillow. Yearning for love and nurturing drove Tawnya into long-term tragic relationships with abusive men. Her last relationship ended two years ago thanks to SafeSpace, a domestic violence center. She said, "If I were to shave the back of my head, you would see the scars." The last man she lived with broke her hand, shattered her cheek bones, and fractured her eye sockets. When asked if the beatings caused hospitalization, she replied, "yes, several times...at one point I thought I was having a stroke due to the severity of head trauma and bleeding." Her last abusive relationship ended two years ago thanks to assistance from SafeSpace. She is thankful for the six months she spent under their protection. At this point I stopped the flow of the interview and said, "I don't get it." Almost as if she anticipated the question, she quickly replied..."They mess with your mind severely. They make you feel like you are less than a person. They tear you down and build you up. They beat me physically and emotionally, then would say I love you, I love you, I love you, don't leave me, don't leave me, here's a Gucci purse. They make you feel that if you leave you are weak. It took me six months of counseling, support and time to work on myself to realize where my problems stemmed from and to determine what reality is and is not. What love is and is not."
During her captivity, she pressed charges but was too terrified to journey to court alone. She lacked the courage to accuse her abuser face-to-face. The thought of repercussions terrified her. Another time, the state picked up her oppressor, charged him with simple assault domestic battery, and gave him probation- probation which enabled him to continue to take out his anger on vulnerable innocence.
Planning her final escape took months of stealthy research and preparation. She was living a nightmare while carefully plotting a way out. When her abuser left for work, he would padlock her in the house from the outside. The friends with whom they socialized knew her plight but ignored it. Money bought silence. Her life was out of her control. If she needed to go to the grocery store, she was escorted up and down the aisles and returned home by a friend of her captor. No one cared. She trusted no one. Beatings were at every turn.
Broken, she searched for a way out using her mobile phone. She deleted all activity so as not to trigger another beating. Then one day there was a window of opportunity.
"I got away...I had to plan it when he was at work. I literally left with the clothes on my back and what I could fit in my purse and ran out the back door when he left for work. I never looked back. I went to the nearest gas station, was picked up and from there and taken to SafeSpace."
From the gas station she was picked up by the police and escorted to SafeSpace. Later I learned, the only way into SafeSpace is via police escort.
She tells her story matter-of-factly, showing little emotion. She only looks ahead, aglow with the knowledge that she is free. I asked if she is still afraid of him. Chuckling she told me that on the day she was baptized, he was sent to prison for simple assault domestic battery and obstructing a 911 call. He had tormented another victim, only this time he is paying a price. Tawnya truly wants him to find God and has forgiven him. I give her credit, because I would love to slap him silly. Tawnya will forever be thankful for SafeSpace. SafeSpace helps victims in the acute stage of abuse by taking them into secure and confidential shelters. SafeSpace sheltered and protected Tawnya while preparing her to start over. She determined on her own when it was time to leave SafeSpace. She knew she was ready to begin anew.
A friend told her about Vero Beach, which met her criteria of being a small, calm town far from the danger she knew. She easily obtained work and began to settle in, enjoying the beach and lay-back community. Tawnya expressed her frustration that many of the women at SafeSpace do not use its resources to heal. Some hide: Tawnya healed. She is currently attending Covenant Bible College located at Freedom Church. God's providential plan placed her at the perfect spot using Sam and the women's shelter. I challenged her to graduate first in her class at Covenant Bible College. She simply nodded. I have no doubt that she will succeed.
Mind you, I was dining with a well-dressed, confident, stunning woman, young enough to be my daughter, and couldn't help but ask, "why the tattoos?"
She smiled and patiently explained that she minored in art in college and doesn't regret them. "Looking back, it was a way to express myself: I was in total control." She worked in a tattoo and pharmacy shop for three years after high school. Some pharmacy, I thought to myself. I must admit - if any woman can pull off heavy duty tattoo work, she can! Who knew? Certainly not this Boomer. She left pharmacy school after two and a half years, when she determined that counting pills was not what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. She headed back to college and picked up a BA in Hotel and Restaurant Management.
She has found her niche, currently working full time as a manager of one of Vero's fine dining restaurants. She loves talking with people and learning things. She laughingly refers to herself as a sponge. She relishes her job and the associates that work with her. She is amused at the change her friends see in her. When asked, "why the change?" she boldly asserts, "I've been saved. That's what different." She followed up introspectively: "I have seen the change in myself. All it took was to give it all up to God. All these years! His love was in front of my face all the time."
A friend recently accused her of being infatuated with God. She replied that she isn't infatuated with God, as infatuation is short term--she's in love. Tawnya cannot talk enough about the Lord. She has joined a Life Group led by the pastor who baptized her, and his wife. She is attending Covenant Bible College at night and is thankful for a boss who also knows the Lord and gladly adjusts her work schedule. She absolutely glows when talking about learning more about her God.
Final thoughts: Shortly after leaving SafeSpace, Tawnya acquired a friend named Dutch. Dutch was her pet pit bull who was hit by a car and died enroute to the vet. Tawnya was devastated, as Dutch loved her as only a dog can. She treasured the adoration, protection and companionship, Dutch brought to her life. Tawnya was devastated and retreated to her bed, so depressed she was non-responsive to any form of communication. Her phone and texts went unanswered for days. Knowing there was no way to console Tawnya, a caring friend procured a puppy pit bull with colorings similar to Dutch. The neighbor, puppy in tow, persisted in knocking at Tawnya's door until she had no choice but to roll out of bed and answer it. The neighbor placed the puppy, now named Blu, in Tawnya's arms. She laughed and cried at the same time. I tell this story because during our entire interview about horrific acts of violence and abuse, Tawnya never once teared up. It was the loss of something that she truly loved that brought her to tears. In addition to Blu, Tawnya now has a church full of people who love her unconditionally, along with Blu.
While dining with Tawnya, I couldn't help but notice her sweet, cheerful countenance. The girl is content. She is relishing her new beginning. She is free. I don't think Tawnya knows how brave, bright, and exceptional she is. As our meeting ended, I thanked God for SafeSpace and her neighbor Sam.
