We are excited to share a new feature in the Weekly Caregiver Email! "Caregiver Corner" will be a space for you, our caregivers, to share and express thoughts to each other. Thank you to the COMPASS Caregiver who suggested this idea and contributed the following initial "Caregiver Corner" piece, with the goal of helping fellow caregivers. Please let Kate know if you would like to submit something to share in a future newsletter.
Dear Fellow COMPASS Caregivers,
As a caregiver, I’ve learned that the simple phrase “How are you” takes on new meaning. Three simple, well-intentioned words in the English language - “how are you”. The internet says that the phrase “how are you” is a truncated expression for - “How are you in health”. Experts believe that we’ve used this expression for over 350 years. Some of these same experts feel that we should not use this expression at all and suggest a number of alternatives.
It appears that over time, “How are you”, has become a polite, courteous phrase and not necessarily a serious inquiry about the other person's well-being. The phrase has become a pleasantry and is not to be interpreted literally. Although the intent of this greeting is one that conveys care about another's well being - I have found that the response is usually never genuine. If you are a caregiver (as I am), and reading this, you know what I mean and you probably give one of the standard answers - fine, good, ok etc.
Humans experience life with more than one feeling at a time. We have different perspectives, most likely based on experiences (good and bad). We see what’s positive and what’s challenging at the same time. Let’s face it, everyone is struggling in some way. As caregivers our struggle is; Well it’s OUR struggle! So, as a caregiver, when anyone (especially complete strangers) asks “how are you”, I reply with a one note answer as well. I have found that even close friends really don’t want to hear how you are really doing as a caregiver - chances are they too may be struggling…
As caregivers we have taken on a new life for ourselves that many of us were never prepared for - physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually, you name it. We caregivers have a mountain of responsibilities - i.e. medications, doctors appointments, hygiene, etc .etc. (you know the list - it is never ending) and let's not forget our own needs! At times, the level of seriousness we have been entrusted with, allows little time for fun. So let me end this with what I hope you will find some humor in: Last week while checking out at the grocery store, there were four young ladies - register, bagger and two trainees. The young lady bagging recognized me and said - Hi, how are you? Rather than providing the standard one note answer, I thought for a moment and answered: Miserable, rotten and no damn good, but thank you SO much for asking! Barely a second went by and all of them began to laugh, including the couple behind me and the cashier next to me! Obviously NOT the one note answer many of us probably respond with! Two of the people laughing said that they planned to use that answer in the future. As a caregiver, I was having a particularly challenging day that day, and decided that humor would be a good answer vs a genuine answer with a group of complete strangers, who were most likely only being polite.
So, Caregivers: Really, how are you? How are you doing - right now? How are you in health? Take care of yourself, there is a person that you are caring for, that is depending on YOU…. Until next time…
Signed,
Your Fellow COMPASS Caregiver
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