CAREGIVER TIP OF THE WEEK: BOUNDARIES
Part 4 of 4: Healthy Boundaries
Today we conclude our Boundaries series, adapted from content originally authored by JFS Fellowship Program Director, Wendell Covell, LCSW. We hope it will continue to be a helpful support to you as we head into the holidays.
Healthy boundaries exist when we value our own opinions, don’t compromise our values for others, know our own wants and how to communicate them, and can accept when others say “no” to us. Healthy boundaries are so important for us, especially when we are in a care giving role. They take care of us and keep us safe, but they also allow for intimacy and healthy relationships.
In order to establish healthy boundaries in our relationships it is important to do 4 things:
Define – Identify the desired boundary that we want. If you notice something is off with your boundaries or a relationship take some time to yourself to think “what do I want,” and go from there.
Communicate – Say what we need, what the boundary is, and what our expectations are. It is important to keep the focus on ourselves during this time and make it about what we need and how it is connected to our boundary
Stay Simple – Don’t over explain our boundaries, or why we chose them. This kind of interaction can get us stuck in conflict and take away from what we are trying to establish.
Set Consequences – It is important to only state consequences you can follow through with. Sometimes it means you are going to have less communication, sometimes it means that you won’t talk to them until they change how they manage the boundaries you set, and sometimes it just means you aren’t going to share as much personal information in the future. It is whatever works for you with each relationship, but it is important to state the consequence with the person you are in relation to.
Setting boundaries is a huge deal, and it’s not an easy task. If it’s something you want to work on, be gentle with yourself, and if you need anything, as always, the COMPASS team is here for you--please reach out with any needs.
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