CAREGIVER TIP OF THE WEEK: BOUNDARIES
Part 3 of 4: Rigid Boundaries
We continue with our Boundaries series, adapted from content originally authored by JFS Fellowship Program Director, Wendell Covell, LCSW. We hope it will continue to be a helpful support to you as we head into the holidays.
Today we are picking back up with our boundaries series by introducing rigid boundaries. Two weeks ago, we talked about porous boundaries, rigid boundaries are on the other end of the spectrum as far as boundaries go. Rigid boundaries are protective, particularly to personal or vulnerable information (like our feelings), and closed off or detached. People who utilize this boundary style are much less likely to ask for help, and may have few close relationships. Rigid boundaries can be tough because they sometimes come with a “my way or the highway” type message, and limit the opportunity for intimacy in our relationships. When we use rigid boundaries we often times don’t create space for other opinions or values, and make decisions based just on what we feel is important.
These boundaries are often adopted by us when we feel unsafe, or like we need to overly protect our emotional health. Sometimes they might exist in specific relationships, and sometimes people may utilize them in all or most of their relationships. It’s important to remember that while rigid boundaries are adopted to protect us, they leave us lonely and create strain in our relationships.
Just like with porous boundaries - If you use rigid boundaries frequently it is important to evaluate why and with who. The origin of rigid boundaries are often connected to previous conflicts, pain, self-esteem, or family of origin issues.
In the next and final installment of the Boundaries series in two weeks, we will discuss healthy boundaries and how to work towards them when they aren’t there. As always, the COMPASS team is here for you--please reach out with any needs.
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