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I don’t know if you remember me, but...
These were the exact words I read in a LinkedIn message about 4-5 years ago, and trust me, I remembered her.
I was working with this executive on her communication skills and ability to collaborate with others. She had a tendency to dictate and direct as opposed to ask and include the people around her. We were working together for about two months, and it continually felt like she was just going through the motions and not really committed to the process. She would give one-word answers without much introspection or self-awareness. She would deflect issues and blame the people around her or the difficult circumstances as opposed to taking ownership. Eventually I asked her about her commitment, and she was very candid saying, “Ya...I’m not really into this. I was made to do it so I would get my contract renewed, but I think there are others who need this way more than I do.” I suggested we close out the engagement as I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time, money or effort. She seemed surprised by the suggestion but was open to it (as you might imagine).
I contacted her manager, the head of the department, and explained the situation. She too seemed ok closing out the engagement, so we did a wrap-up meeting and that was that. My initial feelings were disappointment, regret and failure. I couldn’t understand why I was able to be so effective working with others in the group, but I just couldn’t get this VP to understand the impact she was creating and the need to adjust her approach.
Fast forward about 6-7 years later, about a year or so into Covid. I was working at home like everyone in the world, and I received a DM on LinkedIn, and it was her,
“I don’t know if you remember me, but we worked together a number of years ago. I don’t think I was a great client, and I wanted to apologize."
I was floored! I never expected to hear from her again, so I responded, and we scheduled some time to speak via video chat. I learned that she had eight different jobs in those 6-7 years and finally started to acknowledge that maybe it wasn’t everyone else; maybe it was her. She had gone through some coaching and therapy on her own. I told her how impressed I was, and that I appreciated her reaching out to me. The other lesson I learned was that not everyone is ready to metabolize change. Sometimes, people need to be in the right mindset or have the right circumstances to truly internalize and act on the necessary change, even if it is for their own benefit.
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