July 31, 2024

CAREGIVING IS THE HARDEST JOB YOU NEVER SIGNED UP FOR.

Millions of Americans step into the role of family caregiver without really thinking about the label or fully understanding the responsibilities and sacrifices that come with it. 

When an aging loved one needs help, we rise to the occasion and do our best to support them. The role of a caregiver can emerge gradually over time as care needs increase in frequency and the ability to care for oneself decline as the mastery of one's ADL's (activities of daily living) decline. Activities of daily living are defined as "fundamental skills that are required to independently care for oneself." The six ADL's are: personal hygiene, or grooming; dressing; toileting; continence; transferring or ambulating; and eating.

Put simply, a family caregiver is an individual who cares for a dependent loved one with a short-term or long-term physical and/or mental disability or illness who cannot successfully care for themselves. Family caregivers provide an average of 23.7 hours of care each week. This number goes up substantially for those whose care recipients live with them (37.4 hours per week), making caregiving equivalent to a full-time job. As caregiving responsibilities grow, family caregivers experience significant changes in their lives. Performances may suffer at work, friends may feel neglected, finances can be greatly affected, while household routine and privacy become totally altered. Additionally, providing hands-on care can be both physically and emotionally demanding work. Stressors can add up. Without regular respite or help from unpaid or paid care providers, caregiver burnout can, and often does, set in.

The July 2024 DayBreak webinar consisted of four caregivers from our Daybreak Caregivers Support Group who graciously agreed to share their individual caregiver's journeys. They wished it known that their willingness to share candidly and openly regarding their personal caregiver experiences was driven by the desire to support while giving a voice (and face) to those who are, or have been in, that most challenging of roles... caregiver. They were quick to emphasize that they were not prepared to present their contribution as all "cheery and rosy." That in order to tell their story, they intended to be candid, honest, and forthright in order to present a true representation of their experience. Each caregiver presenter illustrates a different perspective with different outcomes, as, indeed, each family caregiver's experience is totally unique within their own circumstances.

We are introduced to Lasell, Netty, Serene, and Gayle. 

• Lasell, in her dedicated caring for her husband, John, determines "not to delay moments of joy." She is focusing on creative projects, gardening, and socializing rather than putting her present life "on hold." She determined that "me" time refreshed her for "we" time.
• Netty intends a more equitable distribution of time spent on her husband versus her own needs. In the past, she characterized 80% as focused on her husband, with 20% for herself. She and her husband David came together and determined that they would both benefit from Netty claiming more time for herself. He supports her in pursuing mini respites as a means to refresh her spirit. 
• Serene, understanding that she could no longer handle husband Richard's unmanageable "behaviors" at home, located a board and care that better suited his social and emotional needs. Serene is happy to report that Richard is thriving in his new environment, and she realizes that this outcome has proved quite beneficial for them both.
• Gayle, for many years, had been caring for her husband, Bob, who recently passed away. Gayle announced that she is determined to remain in our caregiver support group in order to lend encouragement, inspiration, and support while continuing in her own healing process. She saw this as a means of "paying it forward" for caregivers who are where she "once was."

In the telling of their stories, we find that each has a story of hope and discouragement. Frustration and exhaustion. Boredom with the low, constant, and steady hum of anxiety. Dreams of the future gradually dashed, life partners becoming strangers. The "we' having become "me," isolation and depression, a constant visitor at the door. And yet, within the often intolerable, seemingly never-ending trajectory of their loved ones' mental and physical decline, they share an advent of newfound mental and spiritual growth. A sense of resourcefulness, adaptability, and self-reliance. An appreciation of one day at a time. An inner strength and wisdom rising as a Phoenix from the flames of loss and grief.

Their individual and collective takeaway: an abiding sense that "I am stronger than I ever imagined...I can count on me"; AND I am not alone!

"There is a moral task of caregiving, and that involves just being there, being with that person, and being committed. When there is nothing that can be done, we have to be able to say: LOOK, I'M WITH YOU IN THIS EXPERIENCE. RIGHT TO THE END OF IT."

— Anonymous 

Karen Kelleher, MA

DayBreak Family Caregiver Support Coordinator

To watch the webinar recording, click the link below:

With your support, we can continue to provide vital resources and assistance to elders and caregivers who need it most. Join us in making a meaningful impact.

DayBreak is dedicated to empowering seniors and providing unwavering support to family caregivers. If you know an elder in need of our care and coordination services, or a caregiver seeking assistance, please encourage them to reach out to us at: 

510-834-8314