This is an outstanding post written by one of our Marriage Revolution Team members, Heather Rule. Please take a few minutes to read it and then share it with your spouse!!!
Thank goodness for the editing features on our computers that help our words to be just right!
How much better our writing is when we make use of spelling and grammar check. If only there were such a feature with our out-loud words! I’m not always careful about the words that are doing a swan dive off of my tongue into the air, even though I know they will never be able to crawl back into my mouth once they are out.
This has happened as recently as last night as my husband and I argued on the phone about a scheduling conflict. I have control issues when it comes to our schedule. Over-scheduling makes me panic. As I started to feel threatened by an out-of-control schedule, words flew out of my mouth like kamikaze pilots on a mission with no hope of returning, and declared war on my bewildered husband. I sent rescue words in the form of an apology, and he was forgiving, but of course the damage to his heart was already done.
I wish it weren’t this way. I wish there were a way to edit what I am saying before I open my mouth. I wish I could hold on to my words until I found the right ones that would be most helpful to the people I love so much. Instead, I tend to say whatever pops into my head. Do you ever do this?
Our only hope for change is to cling to the holy words of Scripture. The words that come out of our mouths are a reflection of what we have been putting in our hearts. What does it matter how many good works we are doing or how faithful we are in church attendance if we are big meanies with our words behind closed doors?
The strength of our family and the mission of the gospel are affected deeply by the graciousness of our words to each other (…all people will know you are my disciples, if you have love for one another – John 13:35). I think this true of every member of the family, but especially so with our spouse. It is easy to forget how much weight our words carry with the hearts of our mates until it is too late and their spirits are crushed under our harshness.
Jesus was painfully straightforward about this when he said to the Pharisees: How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks…I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned. Matthew 12:34-37
Ouch. The words we say testify to the submission of our heart to the Father. That is terrifying when I think back to some of the careless things I’ve said to my husband. Many of my words have not given evidence to the work of Christ in my heart.