You remember, don't you? Getting butterflies in your stomach, can't eat, can't sleep, endless nights in conversation, fireworks....then.... you get married, have kids, have to be an adult everyday...takes a little bit of the "spark" out of your relationship doesn't it? But does it have to ???
You may have noticed couples in a restaurant, usually older, probably empty nesters, they sit eating their meal together but some of them hardly speak a word to one another. (Reminds me of kids I see in a booth at a restaurant and everyone has their head down....texting instead of talking) This disconnect in marriage (and in youthful friendships) just saddens me.
Sometimes when I observe this disconnected in older couples, I wonder what their home life is. Have they grown into just being roommates, feeling alone even when they are sitting in the same room as their spouse? This doesn't have to happen after years of marriage! Your husband/wife can still be your boyfriend/girlfriend....your best friend!
How do you deepen friendship with your spouse rather than drift apart? You date your spouse! Sounds simple but you would be amazed how often we forget to do this simple thing. We get married, we work, we have children and schedules get overloaded. Slowly..the same guy/gal with whom you spent hours talking to until wee hours of the morning is the same one you forget to even kiss goodnight at the end of the day.
You don't just wake up one day and find you feel alone in your marriage..it is a slow fade. It is a day to day choice. You can choose each day to show love to your spouse or forget to show it...your choice will show in your marriage sooner or later. Put another way, you and I can start doing today what we should have been doing (or doing better) all along.
So...where are you in your marriage? Just married, new parents, parents of teens, married but no kids, empty nesters, retired?? Good news!!!! You can choose at ANY stage of marriage to be your spouse's boyfriend/girlfriend again! No matter what the current stage you can date your spouse. The difference is, it may take more work - depending on what stage you are in. If you are in the early stages of marriage you have an advantage, unhealthy patterns will be easier to break than they might be if you are in a later stage of marriage.
To our early-stage married couples..please hear this. Don't wait until you wake up feeling alone. I guarantee you, if you don't take time to be your spouse's date aloneness WILL happen. To our later-stage couples, break those old habits by choosing your spouse each day. Sure it may feel awkward at first, but keep it up and I promise, your relationship will grow closer. The key though for any stage of marriage is selflessness, to choose your spouse and don't expect anything in return. This is how your heart turns from feeling alone to being your spouse's boyfriend/girlfriend!
When you were dating, didn't you do everything you could to "win" your guy/girl? Didn't you think of creative ways to let him/her know how special they were? Well, do that now. As you pour love into your spouse I guarantee that love will soon begin to overflow and start running out all over you and your relationship together!
You may be scratching your head wondering..."where do I even begin?" Well...we wouldn't leave you hanging - now would we?!!!! ��
Here are a few suggestions:
Below we have come up with a little cheat sheet for you and your spouse to do together.
Print it out, one copy for each of you. Grab your Honey and go on a fun date (maybe your first in a long time) to fill them out together! When they are complete, exchange your cheat sheets! You will then hold a little treasure in your hand that you can check back to anytime you need a little "hint" about your spouse to plan a date or give a gift that hits the mark!
Make a point to plan a "date night" on your calendar at least once a month, twice if you can manage it. A fun thing you can do with your spouse is to take turns planning the date. For example: If you do two date nights a month, one night the husband will plan the whole date, (don't forget to use your cheat sheet) and plan a date with your wife in mind. That means the date will be something she really enjoys not necessarily something you like. You can have this be a surprise or she can know the details but the idea is that you take care of babysitters, reservations, etc...The next date night, the wife will do the same for her husband.
Everyday, really friends, EVERYDAY...make a point, on purpose, to do or say something that says "I love you" to your spouse. Remember, old habits die hard, You have to choose this new behavior. Over time the choices you make that show love and affection become more natural, still a forever choice, but becomes more normal.
Get to know your spouse by having times to sit and talk everyday. The conversation doesn't have to be anything formal but maybe over dinner. "How was your day?" (Make eye contact as your spouse gives his/her answer. Show interest in what they are saying to you. The idea is that your spouse feels important.) Talk about any plans coming up for the week so you are both on the same page. Talk about your upcoming date night. Talk about ways you can help your spouse this week. (Gasp! Yes...offer help to your spouse! That communicates...I love you and I want to be a support to you!) Learn to ask follow up questions such as, "I appreciate your telling me about your day, now would you mind letting me know what the hardest part of the day was for you, or the most fun part?"
Don't forget to pray together. Why is this one so hard for most of us? We drop into bed at night or leave for work in the morning having left out the most vital communication with God and one another...we need to pray. Doesn't have to be fancy or formal. When our Father sees us praying / hears us praying I believe, as a Father, he is so pleased that we'd come to Him and show how much we need Him. As a spouse when we pray for one another or pray together for our kids, we are inviting God's presence into our relationships and home. He loves us and wants to take His special place as Lord of our home.
You may want to start a devotional together. This can be done daily or weekly but it will be a way to purposefully come together in a way you normally wouldn't. (Breaking those old habits)
Check out our Pinterest Page! We have a board just for date nights and one for inspiration to Keep The Love Alive!
That should give you a great start huh??? If you find you need more...please reach out to us! We are here to help!
Remember: Choose daily, on purpose, to date your guy/girl every single day for the rest of your lives together...starting today!
52 Week Plan written by Dave Lewis and Linda D'Avanzo
