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One Family’s Christmas Schedule
As Christmas approaches, I flinch for some friends of mine. Great people and a lovely couple, but the holidays always bring them tension and stress. Not that either does anything wrong. They just have different holiday schedules.
Her calendar goes something like this:
January 1: Begin thinking of the perfect holiday gifts. Pick up presents throughout the year on sale.
July 1: Have final Christmas list mostly completed.
September 1: Look for end-of-the-season sales on the fishing stuff the boys want. Buy the stuff cheap.
November 1: Majority of shopping is completed and ready to wrap. Begin dropping hints about Jesus’ birthday.
December 1: Start putting up Christmas decorations.
December 10: Tree up and decorated. House, also. Point out the changes to the three guys living there.
December 15: Remind husband Christmas is coming.
December 16: Remind husband that it is proper and appreciated for children to buy gifts for their mom.
December 17: Mention that variety is the spice of life. Moms don’t need fishing gear every year.
December 18: Leave photos of gifts that would be nice to receive around the house. Circles help, subtlety doesn’t.
December 19: Start verbal hints about Christmas gifts that would be appropriate and appreciated. Remember, husbands recall 20% of what they see (except for sports, which they remember 100% of) and 70% of what they both see and hear. A wife who wants a decent holiday gift must use all of a man’s senses to her advantage.
December 20: Mark husband out of the office. Find a reason to ground each child so they will be able to shop with Dad.
December 21: Start mental preparation to receive gift that look like an infant wrapped them.
December 22: Create a banner across the driveway announcing, “Only two shopping days until Christmas!”
December 23: Note what time the stores close tonight and tomorrow. Try not to act surprised or angry when suddenly three men gasp and rush out the door to the store.
December 24: Remember that it is better to give than receive.
December 25: Open new fishing stuff and act thrilled.
January 1: Begin thinking of the perfect holiday gifts.
Unfortunately, her husband’s holiday calendar is different. Something like this:
January 1: Start counting the days until fishing season opens.
May 15: Fishing season opens.
September 1: Fishing season closes.
Thanksgiving: People begin talking about “the holiday season” as if there are several in a row. Make a point to research this.
December 10: Ask who put the evergreen in the living room, then act as if you noticed it right away and praise your wife for the decorating job she has done.
December 17: Investigate why so many people are talking about Baby Jesus and so few about fishing.
December 22: Take down the banner over the driveway. File a vandalism report with the police.
December 23: As the talk about Christmas increases realize the kids should buy their mom a gift. Fishing stuff is always perfect. Get gift.
Through all of their holiday differences somehow, they stay married and happy. By Independence Day usually they are even speaking again about national holidays. And, if I need any almost-new fishing stuff, I know a very nice lady who will sell it to me cheap.
Happy holidays. May your schedules be coordinated, and your gifts varied.
Copyright Jeff Tolman 2023. All rights reserved.
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