So the numbers are dropping, the temperatures are rising, restrictions are lifting, the sun sets after 6 pm at the earliest until October. Baseball season is on the horizon and swimsuit season is right around the corner. Things are looking up.

It has been a long year, and everyone is forever changed in ways that were unpredictable. A year ago, I was planning for a big fundraising season with lots of moving parts. Now, my 8 x 8 office and Zoom calls make up most of my world, that and grocery shopping.

St. Patrick's Day celebrations will again be modest and safe this year, but it is almost over, I think. I learned a lot about herd immunity in my last job, and I think the time is almost here where we can be less isolated and interact with our fellow human beings more often. But who knows? Even the experts have given conflicting advice. There has never been a time like this in history, and I hope there never is another one.

Oh yeah, almost forgot: this edition completes my dalliance with supermarket culture. The content below highlights my ignorance and wonderment at this colorful, crowded, essential world.

In spite of how much I’ve impressed you so far with my supermarket/grocery store savviness, there are some huge gaps in my education. The following questions still puzzle me as I drive my dislodged carriage with three working wheels around the store.

LOBSTER TANK: Are those real lobsters at the seafood shop? How come I’ve never seen anyone buy one? In New England, if you buy a lobster at a supermarket instead of a seafood market, are you also the type of person to buy sushi at a 7-11? Speaking of food safety.

PRODUCE AREA: Why is the produce department the first zone you see when you enter most stores? And where in the cart is the best place to put the produce? In the toddler seat if you don’t have a toddler? If you put it in the big basket, won’t it get crushed by the other things? Speaking of the produce area, it seems to be the only part of the store where you can wander in any direction you want, and most people do.

HAMBURGER FAT PERCENTAGE: Do we really need hamburger that is 10%, 15%, 20% and 25% fat to choose from? Could you, in a blind test really taste the difference? Can we just vote on two fat levels and call it a day? How do you recognize a cow that is 25% fat? Just asking.

BANANAS: What is the difference between regular bananas and organic bananas? Plastic content? In fact, isn’t everything in the produce department ‘organic’? If not what is it, ‘inorganic’?

HUMMUS: Who the hell is eating all that hummus? There are mountains of hummus at every store. The variety is spectacular. What the hell is hummus anyway? Is there a hummus plant or tree? So confusing. When I was a kid, there wasn’t any hummus, was there? Who invented it?

TOAST-R-CAKES: You may have never heard of them, I understand. My family can’t get enough of these little toaster corn cakes, and there might be a lot of families like that because they are the hardest product to find in a store and I have no idea why. Look for them near the English Muffins.

ENGLISH MUFFINS: I wonder two things about English Muffins: why are the ones made by Thomas so expensive compared to store brand, except for when they are buy-one get-one free?

SNOW EMERGENCIES: Going to a grocery store right before a storm is real entertainment. I love the adrenalin, the drama, the worn-out staff, the lack of carriages available because they are all over the parking lot, the joy of waiting in a long line with people who have to have hummus to wait out the storm. So exciting, but it also begs the question: how do bread and milk help you weather a storm?

JUICE: When it comes to Orange Juice, I have always wondered if they take pulp out of the juice with pulp to make a pulp-free juice, or do they add pulp to the juice without it?

CASHEWS: Why are cashews never on sale? Have you noticed that ‘whole cashews’ are 50% more than ‘cashew pieces’? Don't they taste the same? Whoever broke them made expensive mistakes. But even if you buy 'whole cashews,' after they are in your mouth, aren't they just pieces?

COFFEE: Why is Dunkin Coffee never on sale? Why are Keurig pods so expensive? And speaking of coffee flavors, what is the fascination with French Vanilla? Is there Spanish Vanilla and Canadian Vanilla?

COLD CUTS: What is the recommended thickness for sliced cold cuts at the deli? Why does everyone have a preference? And to make it worse, they hold up the slice to ask you if it is ok, like you could see the difference between 2 millimeters and 3 millimeters from a distance. What would happen if you asked for a pound of ham and directed them: ‘don’t slice it?’ How would they do that? What would that kid in the deli do? Call the manager on you?

BEFUDDLED: What do you do, for example, when you were assigned to get a 12 ounce bottle of something, with no added salt or sugar, and you are not really familiar with the product, and they only have 8 ounce bottles with added sugar or 16 ounce bottles with added salt? Do you call home or take a chance? I see guys facing this dilemma all the time. I think sometimes my wife does it to me on purpose. (Only kidding, she proofs this for me sometimes).

BAG POLICY: Bag policy varies by store and there is a big variation. Some insist you bring your own bags, some won't let you bring your own bags. Some give you free paper bags, some charge you a dime per bag. (Heard that sentence in a different context). Remember when bags were free everywhere? What happened to that model?

PRODUCE BAGS: Speaking of bags, I understand that bag thickness is measured in mils, whatever those are. But those long skinny produce bags on a roll have got to redefine 'flimsy' as the thinnest bags ever invented. I can never get them open without moistening my fingers-but try that during a pandemic and you’ll be surrounded by big guys in aprons, or angry shoppers accusing you of risky behavior. My how the phrase 'risky behavior' has changed over the years.

GRAPES: Why are green grapes more per pound that other grapes? Are they elite? Did they escape from the Chardonnay bounty hunters?

MAGAZINES: Do people still buy magazines from the check out line or are those simply props? They might be supermarket décor? Where do you fall on the Meghan Markle controversy? How about J-Lo and A-Rod? What about aliens?

ENERGY DRINKS: Is there a human energy crisis? In looking at the number of energy drinks with bizarre symbols on the cans, there must be a boatload of lazy-ass people looking for artificial jump starts. And the stuff is everywhere, even surrounding the magazine décor at the registers. Are people eating hummus and yogurt with energy drinks and organic bananas?

TRISCUIT CRACKERS: Suggested by the nutritionist. How many different types of Triscuit are there? You’ve never noticed? Check it out next time. I counted 19 varieties last week. Not different sizes, different flavors. Approaching hummus status? You can get everything but Buffalo Triscuit and when that comes out, I’ll be first in line. Triscuit crackers don’t taste that good to me, but they are better for you than Cheez-Its for a cracker fix.

YOGURT: Forget hummus, who is eating all that yogurt, and how do you decide which one to buy? And when did the Greeks get into the yogurt business? I just realized I don’t even know where yogurt comes from. It looks dairy-ish, but there could be a yogurt tree or a yogurt plant. (Told you this was about my ignorance).

ICE CREAM: How much melting takes place with ice cream between the store and home? Sometimes I bring in an insulated bag for the checkout bagger to put the frozen stuff in to solve this problem. Of course they use it for the Triscuit instead.

APPLES: What I said about hamburger fat levels? Ditto for apples. So many varieties, so complicated. Who invented all those varieties of apples and why?

SUSTAINABILITY: I wonder how long it takes for a rotisserie chicken to dry out, and do they reuse them the next day?

This concludes the fascinating two part series on my grocery store experience, but a loyal reader submitted the graphic below to help identify the types of shopping cart users that is better than anything I could create, so I am using it below without permission.

Thanks, Marc.

Dancing with the Stars of Boston was a fundraiser for a local non-profit held several years ago.

I was not a judge. I was not a host. I was not the producer. I was a 'dancer' and I use that term loosely.

Coming soon will be a three-part series of stories I wrote back then, chronicling my experiences as I learned to 'dance' to the song 'Mack the Knife.' Fedora, suspenders, the whole shebang.

There is one copy of the video from that night that, after viewing, might alter your perception of me forever.

Several readers have already seen it and greeted it with total silence. It is that 'unusual.' Haven't decided to provide it free or charge for it, because several have indicated it is worth the price of admission.

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