The Myth of Busyness and How It Impacts Our Presence

Many times, we hear people say that presence is hard for them because they have so much going on. They are busy, busy busy! It’s almost as though we’re in a contest to see who is the busiest and we name that person the winner.

As Jason Kotecki states in his book, There’s An Adult In My Soup, “It’s rare that anyone bothers to ask what someone is busy doing. And it’s rarer still that anyone would ever admit, ‘I haven’t been very busy at all. I’m just taking life as it comes, enjoying it one moment at a time.’”

What we sometimes fail to remember is that what we focus on is within our control and we have a choice. The reality is that we all have the same number of hours in a day – we all get 24, no more and no less! And if we’re being honest with ourselves, we may even be using busyness as an excuse to keep us from focusing on something we’re trying to avoid. 

How does busyness get in the way of our presence?

Being present is essential for the building of any relationship and for providing any relationship-based supports. Presence enables us to build deep connections with others by offering a safe and supportive environment where others can explore their thoughts, opinions, and feelings.

When we are fully present, we listen actively, respond authentically, and provide meaningful feedback.

To maintain presence, coaches can do several things, such as:

1. Focus on the present moment and avoid distractions - Easier said than done. There are the unending To Do lists, handheld devices vying for our attention, and people with priorities competing against ours. To combat this, we can acknowledge the distractions and determine what takes priority, set time aside for relationship-based conversations, schedule clear work time, allow time for ourselves to ground and deal with some of the distractions ahead of conversations, and take deep breaths to focus when we feel distracted.

2. Practice active listening and ask open-ended questions – That seems pretty clear. Making sure you’re reflecting back what you heard helps to confirm you are paying attention.

3. Pay attention to your non-verbal communication – Be aware that your body is sending messages to others through eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, and posture.

4. Monitor your internal dialogue to minimize judgment and bias - Acknowledge judgment and bias so you’re aware of what’s coming up for you and how it might be clouding your view. Focus on being open to others’ perspectives and switching to a curious mindset.

5. Practice mindfulness exercises to improve attention and awareness – Explore practices that help you focus and ground yourself, such as the Healthy Minds App. For more information, visit HEALTHY MINDS PROGRAM – THE PENNSYLVANIA KEY (pakeys.org)

We leave you with a final reminder from Jason’s book. “Sometimes we need to slow down and realize that the things we think are super urgent – the things that keep us oh so busy – really aren’t.”

Submitted by,

Rasheeda Coston, Director of Coaching (rascos@pakeys.org)

Barb Willier, Coaching Coordinator  (barwil@pakeys.org)   

The Pennsylvania Key  

Kotecki & Kotecki. (2009). There’s An Adult In My Soup. JBiRD iNK.