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Social pressure to conform is not a new phenomenon, but today's students might be experiencing unprecedented levels of it. High college costs bring pressure (from family and/or one's self) to earn a degree that carries an ROI. A job market roiled by genAI and other upheaval creates pressure to build in-demand skills and pursue work that requires them. Ubiquitous exposure to countless success stories on social media platforms drives pressure to be like "so-and-so" — whoever has become the flavor of the month. But the quest to conform doesn't always serve as expected. In my coaching work, I often come across students who have unwittingly discovered the costs of fitting themselves into someone else's configuration — disinterest in content (often leading to poor performance), confusion about career goals, drawn-out job searches, and perhaps a feeling that they don't quite know themselves.
Of course there are students who fit well into what the market wants, or what parents demand, or what institutions currently promote as fruitful paths of study. This might make such students look "smartest" or "highest performing." But their comfort, confidence, and success can be attributed in part to a lucky match of their gifts with the times.
When I was auditioning for acting work years ago, I kept in mind something I learned from an acting professor:
Be yourself, because if you are trying to be like so-and-so, you will inevitably fail. No one is better at being so-and-so than so-and-so — and no one is better at being you than YOU.
Now I see how that applies to college students trying to learn and build a future. In trying to be like someone other than themselves, they miss or minimize the unique and valuable differences that might set them apart in a way that could put them on a path to the success they dream of.
As coaches, we can work to combat the narrow focus on who has the highest grade on an exam, who has the top average in a course, or whose GPA earns summa cum laude in the department. We can encourage learners to see their differences as strengths whether or not they match expectations. We can invite a perspective shift, and perhaps increased self-knowledge and confidence, with questions like:
- What is uniquely strong about you as a learner? A worker?
- Among all the people sharing your major and job aspirations, what about you in particular would interest an interviewer?
- How has something you perceive as a "difference" of yours had a positive or productive effect on your life?
- In your time left in this degree program, what interest of yours do you want to pursue and develop? What step can you take this week to move in that direction?
- If you were to create a major or job that made the best of your unique strengths, what would it look like? How can you use those strengths effectively within your current program of study or work?
Build your ability to support the unique and valuable differences in your students with a LifeBound training.
To learn more or explore which option is right for you, visit www.lifebound.com.
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