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From the desk of LifeBound Master Trainer Sarah Lyman Kravits:
As Thanksgiving comes around, I've been thinking about three coaching sessions I had over the last week, with three students who have significantly different academic and personal circumstances. As divergent as the students and their experiences are, the three sessions were remarkably similar.
Each student arrived in a fairly negative emotional state, with varying combinations of worry and sadness, and began the session by verbally cataloguing a pile of issues — low grades on tests, late assignments they were struggling to motivate themselves to start, group assignments suffering from a lack of team communication, and more. I kept a nonjudgmental space open for them as they put everything they needed on the table.
A coach has choices at this point. Often in such situations, I'll ask what their top priority challenge is and dig into that first. However, last week, my instinct took me in another direction. In each case I decided to say something like this: "We'll talk through what you've shared and you'll have an opportunity to define actions that can move you forward. But first, tell me: What is working right now? Where are you feeling competent and focused?"
Each student took a moment to think, and then, almost surprising themselves, listed out several successes — an assignment done on time, extra credit turned in, a course going well, a productive conversation with a professor. And in each case I noticed a shift in mood, an increase in energy. The unexpected benefit of this came next: As we returned to the challenges, each student was more able to problem solve. The reminder of their competence and action lightened their self-judgment, creating more cognitive space for defining immediate goals, thinking through potential remedies, and choosing actions.
This Thanksgiving week and beyond, consider helping students to shine a light on what is positive for them in this moment. As they build gratitude for what's working, they may also build grace for themselves that can support their ability to address the challenges.
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