When a couple has been hit by sex addiction that culminates in adultery, recovery becomes a three part process. It is important to understand that for recovery to happen, each leg on this three-legged stool must heal for people like Kat and Clark to have the recovery they want.
The first part of recovery critical for healing involves, of course, the addict. If the addict becomes sober, then andonly then, can they be able to contribute to the relationship in recovery. If a spouse stays and turns a blind eye to the sex addiction (“At least he doesn’t hit me. He’s a good dad. I don’t have to work”), the addict stays sick, and the relationship stays toxic. Ultimately, the spouse has to sacrifice something, whether it is self esteem, self respect, their health, countless other losses or even the loss of their children. That’s not recovery by any stretch of the imagination. However, the addict alone can’t do everything. He may attend meetings, be involved in therapy, complete workbooks, make support calls and even take a polygraph. Yet, if the other two pieces of recovery don’t take place, then a successful marriage recovery won’t necessarily happen.
Content taken from: Addicted to Adultery by Dr. Doug Weiss