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On April 7th, I stayed a little late at my desk, finishing a fundraising piece for an arts organization to meet a printing deadline.
It was a production day like many before it: implementing feedback, flowing in final text, kerning headlines to split across the gutter, finessing a few stubborn line breaks… It’s the kind of work I believe in—attention to the craft, in support of the common good. I was doing work that mattered.
Then I drove home, desperate to hug my kids, and dreading what could happen before I got there.
A few hours earlier, our president had posted online that an entire civilization would be wiped out that evening if their leaders didn’t comply with his demands. No one knew what the threat meant. Maybe he didn’t even know. Maybe it was nothing, once again. But, maybe not.
I sat at my desk working late anyway, because what else do you do as a deadline approaches? You finish the job, and then, apparently, you drive home, and hug your children with a hug so mighty it might be load-bearing. Would this be my last time hugging them in a world as close to normal as they had ever known? At the risk of sounding hyperbolic, it was the most afraid I’ve ever been. And it was the most ashamed of us I’ve ever been. And in those feelings, something clarified.
Design is not important.
I’ve given a significant portion of my life to design. I believe in its power—to communicate and inform, to move people and change minds, to bend reputation, to uplift and activate, and to make a compelling case for beauty. But it is not important. Not in the way a heartbeat is important. Not in the way the people I drove home to are important. Not in the way that the people who, every day, are losing their chance at one more hug, are important.
What shamed me, sitting in traffic, wasn’t only the realization that I over-prioritize work. It was also the recognition that I’d only started carrying the weight of war when the danger seemed about to arrive at my own doorstep. That’s not a confession I make comfortably.
Here’s the part I’m even less comfortable writing: I’m not doing enough. And I know why.
I believe we should be in the streets. I believe that history will ask what we did, and that “I met the printing deadline” is not the answer I want to give. But I am afraid. I am afraid of joining a protest and being in the crowd when a car accelerates or when a gunman takes aim. I am afraid of what visibility costs in a country where it too often costs something. I have children who need me, and I have decided, again and again, that being here for them matters more than being visible for a cause—even causes I’d die for in the abstract.
I don’t know if that’s wisdom or cowardice. It’s probably some of both. We are all making impossible calculations right now. Weighing conscience against safety and possible impact against potential risk. Most of us are failing the tests we’d have said we’d pass.
Design is not important. But the people who make it, are—not because of what they make, but because of what they still might do.
Finish the job. Drive home. Hug whoever is waiting. And then figure out what the world you want to live in looks like. Figure out what action for you looks like. Do what you can do, and be honest about the gap between what you’re doing and what you wish you could do.
Every day, I do good work for good people. We design for the organizations who build a more just world. Our clients feed the hungry. They empower the powerless and uplift those who have been left behind. They educate the changemakers of tomorrow. And they make life richer, more livable, and more fun. It’s vital, important work that we are… that I am… immensely proud of.
It’s not nothing.
But is it enough?
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