This past month, Phase 1 clients at the Women’s Program visited Brownstone Adventure Park.

Brownstone is a unique alternative to a traditional waterpark as it is a water and adventure park built in a quarry. They offer a multitude of activities from zip lining, rock climbing and cliff jumping to kayaking and paddle boarding. Guests walk along docks across the lake to access different activity areas, complete with floating gazebos for floating and relaxing.

“It was a great place for everyone. [The women] especially loved the agility courses,” said Philomena O., Support Staff. The group was lucky to arrive on a gorgeous sunny day, and the park offered activities suited to anybody. Some clients opted to float in the lake while others chose the more adrenaline-fueled route and went for the zip lines. “I’ve never experienced anything like that before!” said Sarah Glenn L., Phase 1 client.  Zip lining was so cool; you fall right into the water. That was the first zip line I’ve tried so it was a little scary, but so worth it.”

While some clients spent the day flying through the air, others went straight for the water obstacles. “There was one called ‘The Blob’,” said client Suzie B. “It’s like a big pillow – one person sits on one end while someone else jumps on to throw them off. I’ve always seen it and wanted to try it. It was awesome!”

Support Staff member Jill K. said, “Everyone had such an amazing time, it was hard to get them to leave!”

Kassidy C. is an alumnus of the Women’s Program.

“I was just a really depressed, bottom of the barrel alcoholic,” Kassidy recalled. Before coming to Turnbridge, Kassidy was in a place of misery and desperation. “I was incredibly depressed. Eventually I’d gotten to the point where I didn’t want to want to kill myself anymore.”

“I graduated college and was staying in the town my college was in. I was there for a year and a half, just working nearby and living my life. I was just getting by every day. I was a radio host at the time, so that was the one grounding thing in my life. Looking back, I was doing everything to ruin my career. I was going to the radio station wasted. I was on air drunk. All I cared about was my job, but I didn’t have the tools to take anything seriously. I was so deep in my addiction and didn’t realize that what I was doing was so detrimental to my future.”

Before getting to this point of abusing alcohol, Kassidy struggled with mental health issues in her childhood. “I had pretty bad anxiety and depression starting in seventh grade. I had been on meds all of middle and high school right before I went to college. I thought it was a phase and I’d outgrown it, so I decided to go off my medication because I thought I was better. In retrospect, I had only felt better because I was medicated. In college, being unmedicated plus the alcohol really spiraled me.”

As much as she had tried to hide her drinking, “just about every single person in my life noticed. None of my friends from college are addicts. They were all good kids. Junior year, they really realized things were going bad [with me]. I was getting arrested; I was being sent to the hospital. No one knew what to do about it. They would have group meetings without me there about what to do.” Despite her friend’s best intentions, these meetings made Kassidy feel even more alone. “They were trying to figure out how to deal with it amongst themselves and that made me feel even more isolated. Toward the end, I was able to drink socially really well only because I knew the party would end around 12am or 1am. When everyone left, that’s when I would get completely wasted and belligerent alone in my room. It was a mask and made it seem like I could keep it together in front of everyone.”

Her mask did not last for long, and the pressure of responsibility caused Kassidy to crack. “Once I realized how much I owed on student loans and realized I wasn’t making enough money even working two jobs, I stopped caring about everything. I thought ‘you know what? I’m not going to be able to pay these loans. I’m not going to be able to pay my rent. I’m going to end up in a hole somewhere anyway.’ That’s when my drinking went even further, which I didn’t think was possible.”

This was not the first time Kassidy thought she may need help. “I thought I had a problem ever since I was 18. I always thought it was something I’d have to address one day, but I didn’t know what to do for it to be addressed. A few months before coming to Turnbridge, I said out loud to my mom ‘I think I’m an alcoholic,’. I have always had an open relationship with my mom. At the time, I thought our relationship was great but I didn’t realize all the stress and emotional crap I was putting her through. She was surprised [when I told her]. She didn’t think I was an alcoholic.  Personally, I think that maybe she was naïve or uneducated about addiction. I thought maybe she was in denial, because there had been so many huge episodes in a year period and alcohol was the common denominator in every situation.”

Eventually, Kassidy’s drinking came to a head and the chaos led her to seek treatment. “I had a great job but I was so depressed, I stopped going. By the second day of not going, I was drinking 24/7, rocking back and forth in the fetal position in my apartment. My roommate came home and saw what a disheveled mess I was and called my mom. My parents drove to New Hampshire, picked me up, and brought me home. They said ‘We have to send you somewhere; you cannot keep living like this.’ It was very relieving. I didn’t want to live the way I was living anymore. It was scary. It was really scary. I was relieved knowing that what felt like madness was going to come to an end.” Although Kassidy was willing to get help, she did not know what she was in for. “I was really nervous about all the work that I knew was inevitable. I had never tried to get sober before so I was terrified of this world of things that I didn’t know anything about. Ultimately, I was relieved something was going to step in and stop the chaos that was my life.”

Kassidy remembers feeling “overwhelmed” when first arriving at Turnbridge. “I didn’t talk to anyone for my first three weeks or so. It takes me a while to get to know people. At first, I went into defense mode. Overall, I was just intimidated. I was intimidated by other girls; I was intimidated by staff.” After a few weeks of apprehension, Kassidy can pinpoint a specific moment when she began to feel at home. “A few weeks after I’d been there, some new girls that I really got along with came in. It was one Friday night and we were all hanging out in the library. I had started getting to know these people and one of the girls said ‘hey, Kassidy is actually really funny.’ By her saying that, I was able to lower all my defenses.”

It’s the relationships with her peers that Kassidy credits with helping her the most. “My biggest piece of advice to all the girls at Prospect is to get to know the women around you. These are the girls that are going to take you through the program because you can’t let boys or silly stuff get in the way of the foundation you’re trying to build. I’m still such close friends with so many people I went through the program with. For me, it was definitely letting myself finally get to know other people that changed my entire experience.”

Aside from forming relationships, Kassidy said she initially struggled with trusting authority. “In my eyes, my case manager represented authority and that was something I had to overcome. That was an ego thing I had to check. I have always been very independent so I didn’t like the idea of someone telling me what to do. I was able to work through this with time and working the steps with my sponsor.” Once she began working with a sponsor, Kassidy noticed a dramatic difference in her world. “Once I started working the steps, the entire program changed for me and I became a completely different person. The problems I had in the beginning weren’t an issue once I got deep into step work.”

Not only did Kassidy experience her world change, but she said “everything about me changed. I came in unknowingly a very scared, intimidated and shy person. I am now fully confident in my work ethic. I’m confident in the friend that I am to other people. I’m confident in the friendships I’ve made through this program. I’m just really proud of the person I am today and I couldn’t say that before.”

The drastic change in herself has extended to Kassidy’s relationship with her family. “My mom doesn’t have to worry about me anymore. My relationship with my sisters has really changed. They trust my sobriety and they trust that I’m not going to be a crazy person making episodes out of nothing. It’s been incredible for me to see my younger sisters being comfortable around me again.”

Kassidy has graduated the program and is currently working as Support Staff at Phases 1 and 2. In terms of her future, Kassidy said “I’m confident that everything will work out the way it is supposed to. I do like to plan for the future; however, I know that by not using everything is going to be ok, and that is the most important to me. I know that by not using I’ll be able to navigate the rest of my life. To me, that’s priceless because I’ve never been able to say that before.”