I have found through the years that this age group needs the explicit practice in learning about empathy and compassion. Most of the students just seem to be focused on themselves.

I would tell parents that when their children come to them with news of the day which may involve a conflict with a peer, rather than trying to defend their child, they might consider guiding the discussion in an alternate way. I would encourage parents to ask their children to think about how the other person may have been feeling.

In schools, parent support is a huge asset. Unfortunately though, I have had many experiences in my middle school guidance counseling role where parents have made working with their child more difficult. Even the best intentioned parent does not fully know how to navigate a child’s day to day experience at school.

It is important for the parents to understand that not every child is raised the same. Although one family might impose certain morals or values on their children, another family might be severely lacking. In a classroom of up to 28 students and one teacher, it is difficult for teachers to catch and address every negative interaction that occurs between students. Teachers spend a significant amount of time addressing the social interactions in a classroom while trying to get through their lesson plan.

Many parents question how teachers missed a certain interaction between students and why it was not addressed, without understanding the complexity of a teacher’s role. It is important for parents to understand the significant amount of pressure teachers face on a day-to-day basis for students to do well on standardized tests. Reading and math scores directly impact the amount of support and money schools receive, which means there is less time and resources for teachers to focus on lessons that solely work towards promoting empathy. Teachers do their best to work these skills into their lessons and activities, but there is a lot of pressure.

An area that I often struggle with parents at school is the accountability of what their child is doing. Parents in my school are more than willing to bring a situation to my attention when they feel their child has been wronged, but what becomes challenging is when their child had some blame in the incident as well.

It is difficult to promote empathy and positive social skills when a child is not being held accountable for their role in a situation. Understandably, parents at times have a difficult time coming to terms that their child might act differently at home versus how they act at school. These situations are quite difficult to navigate. It is important for the parent to feel the situation has been resolved and to continue to maintain a positive relationship with the parent, while also making sure the child is held accountable for their actions.

Another area I struggle with at my school is parents not modeling appropriate interactions between adults and children. I hold frequent meetings with parents to discuss grades, behaviors or other concerns. Students are also included in these meetings so they can have a say in what is being shared and also be available to make a plan for improvement moving forward.

Unfortunately quite often parents resort to yelling at their child during these meetings. Often times, a parent is modeling the exact behavior that I shared as a concern within the classroom. I have also been the one to receive the yelling during meetings or phone calls. These explosive interactions do not model a positive way to communicate with others and sends a wrong message to children.

Another area that can be difficult to navigate with parents is cell phones and social media. Most students at my school have some type of smart phone. Parents feel pressure to make sure their student has the latest technology to fit in but social media is a significant detriment to children building skills in empathy. When children have free reign to use social media platforms without supervision it can create problems.

Many parents at my school do not monitor their child’s phone use and are not looped into what their child is viewing or talking about/posting about on social media. Many issues between students arise due to conversations and posting on social media, which are then brought into school and need to be dealt with. When these issues are brought to light and parents are looped in, I often advise parents to monitor certain applications that students are using to avoid negative interactions with other classmates. More often than not the issue still continues and no part of the student’s phone use has changed.

As a whole, parent involvement is not strong at my school. Less parent involvement is more indicative of urban schools, and is something all Boston Public Schools struggle with. A way my school could make better strides to improve the relationship and buy in with parents is to provide more opportunities for parents to become involved within the school community. Although we do have a parent council, the involvement is low and I do not think advertised well.

I believe running more workshops for parents that directly impact the promotion of empathy and healthy relationships, such as “children and social media” could go a long way. These workshops could not only educate parents, but also build a stronger relationship between parents and staff to improve some of the disconnects that are acting as barriers that directly impact the empathy and compassion of the students I serve. I wish we could be more candid with parents about how modeling healthy social interactions can go a long way, but this area is tricky to navigate. 

I constantly encourage parents to allow us to put the child on a phone ban or leave their phone at home during the school day. They are always welcome to call me if they need to reach their child in an emergency.

Part of the problem is that many of my students parents are very young and are addicted to their cell phones as well. I have had many instances where a parent is involved with the students in a social media battle. For example, I had one mother that was threatening a student on facebook because she felt like the student was bullying the daughter. The mother then came to the school at dismissal and fought the young girl. The girl was 16 and the mother was 30.

           In order to reverse the trend from narcissism to altruism I truly believe that we need parents’ help in eradicating the social media obsession epidemic. When parents get on board and students know that we are a united front the students typically make better choices around their cell phones and the use of social media.

I would like to tell parents how important it is to manage their children’s screen time and to tell them how important it is to be involved in their child’s academic life. I would like to tell parents that students really love it when their parents show an interest in their academic life. I think that parents think their child does not care because they are in high school, but they do care.

I would like to tell parents that they play a huge role in the empathy and compassion their children learn for others. I think they think because their children are older they do not pay attention to everything their parents are doing. The truth is all children want the approval of their parents. I have never met a child/student that did not want to feel loved and supported by their parent/parents/guardians.

Parents seem to forget what an important role they play in their children's lives. When students are not getting adequate attention from their parents they will often act out and look for ways to get attention in other ways. Often times these ways of looking for attention can get them in a lot of trouble.

Students are counting on their parents to provide positive feedback and to be a role model. Most children want to be like their parents even if the parent is doing the wrong thing. I have seen DCF (Department of Family and Children) take a child out of home where the child was being abused and neglected yet the child desperately wants to stay there. The bond that children have with their parents is innate and instinctual and it is imperative for parents to understand what a crucial role they are playing in their children's lives. I work diligently to teach parents that the more we work as a team with their child the better success everyone will have.