The Newmans remind couples work on remaining/becoming best friends; encourage couples to attend The Art of Marriage Video Conference in Durham on November 22-23, 2019; suggest Marriage Retreats; share a recipe for a great Thanksgiving side dish; spotlight a pretty steamy new love song/video; and, share date ideas!
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On October 9, 1999,
I married my best friend. Hence, this year we celebrated
20 years of marriage! The analyst in me often thinks about the fact that lots of couples say they are married to their
best friend; however, I have heard other people who are married identify someone outside of their marriage as their
best friend (e.g. their parent, their sibling, their friend from childhood, their ex). Well, in addition to Sherman being my
best friend, I do have a friend who I’ve been friends with since sixth grade that I sometimes refer to as my “best friend”. And, when I make this reference, most of the time I add that she is my best “girl friend”. Strangely enough, me and my best girl friend rarely see each other, even though we are only about 40 miles apart. However, sometimes we talk daily, other times weekly, and on occasion when life gets really hectic…. once a month. When I think about why I identify her as my best girl friend, I have determined that it is because: 1) she knows me and
loves me in spite of me….her love is unconditional….I don’t have to worry about saying something that makes her mad and she deciding to never talk to me again; 2) she and I
talk about any and everything….there are no barriers/limitations…I can confide in her; 3) she
encourages me and
wants the best for me; 4) she
will defend me and/or protect me (verbally…not physically)
, if need be; 5) she will
support me and come to my aide, if I really need her….she’ll drive the 40 minutes😊; and, 6) she
holds me accountable. Unlike most best girl friends, we rarely go shopping, out to eat, to the movies, or on vacations/trips. And, when I consider why this is, I know that it is because 98% of the time, I’m with my
best friend ….
my husband. The other 2% of the time, I’m alone.
When I looked for a definition for “best friend”, I found: a person
who you value above other friends in your life; someone you
have fun with; someone you
trust; someone in whom you
confide;
the first person you call when you get good news (or bad news) or
want to go out for a bite to eat.
Hands down, this is
Sherman! As, my best girl friend often says about her husband, ”
we prefer one another”. I am most aware of this truth when I travel to sorority conferences. Sherman goes with me to almost all regional and national Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. conferences….primarily because I
prefer his company to anyone else’s in the world and secondly because I am a
hopeless romantic (life = love); I prioritize romance in my life, daily.
Well, if you didn’t marry your
best friend, remember that there is
hope in Christ. You have a lifetime to
work on becoming
best friends. Yes, all of us who are married, know that marriage is
work! And, even if you married your best friend, maintaining the friendship is hard
work. Revisiting the attributes of a
best friend, that we’ve just mentioned, consider what you can do to
enhance your friendship with your spouse….not what ‘they’ can do, but what
you can do (remember that change starts with you):
- Show unconditional love- refrain from criticism and judgement; let your spouse know that there is nothing they could do that would make you stop loving them…let them know this with words and actions; accept them with all their flaws; don’t expect perfection; be understanding and forgiving
- Connect/talk and be open to listening- listen and respond in a thoughtful, loving manner; speak truth with love; don’t restrict conversation topics; don’t limit the number of times you’ll talk about something; set aside time to just talk; be the person they can vent to; be the shoulder they can cry on
- Be a cheerleader-praise, compliment, encourage (…. win or lose)!
- Defend/stand up for one another- don’t allow others to talk bad about your spouse to you; if you have shared something negative with them that they continue to bring up, let them know that you are over it and they can get overt it, too; move forward by sharing the positive and highlighting your spouses’ best qualities
- Be his/her strongest support- when your spouse needs something, be the first to offer assistance; they shouldn’t have to call someone else if you are around and can assist them; make whatever sacrifices you need to make to ‘be there’; spend time assessing their needs and do what you can to fulfill the needs regardless of whether the needs are spoken or not; do things for them that no one else would
- Prioritize one another/put each other first- check to see if there is anything, they want to do with you before asking someone else to go with you or do something with you; think of their needs before your own
- Find ways to enjoy one another…have fun- take some time to figure out what things you both enjoy; create a bucket list together and start working on it; make sacrifices and do things you don’t really like, just to spend time with your spouse; understand that a great married life cannot be all about what you like or dislike; date night, date night, date night!
- Be trustworthy - say what you mean, mean what you say; tell the truth; be where you say you’re going to be; do what you promise to do; don’t share things with others that you know your spouse wouldn’t want shared with anyone else; and, in a loving way….hold each other accountable (ask why there wasn’t follow through on things you’ve agreed on).
We challenge you to commit to remaining/becoming best friends!
In Love,
Paula and Sherman Newman
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Art of Marriage Conference
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We invite you to join us (
Sherman and Paula Newman
) and the Union Baptist Church Couples' Ministry for an Art of Marriage Video Conference event on Friday and Saturday, November 22-23, 2019, at the Hayti Heritage Center, 804 Old Fayetteville Street, Durham, NC 27701.
Couples will be reminded of God's plan for marriage, learn specific techniques to employ in different areas of their relationship, and have opportunities to apply the techniques during one-on-one private projects between sessions.
The cost is $25.00 per couple and includes manuals, dinner on Friday, and breakfast and lunch on Saturday. We will meet from 6:30 p.m.- 9:00 p.m. on Friday and 9:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m. on Saturday.
This event will enrich and enhance your marriage!
Check out this clip from one of the Art of Marriage sessions: Forgiveness-
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Marriage Retreats with John Grey
Locations
: Sonoma County, California
Marriage Retreats with John Grey
offer more than just talking. John focuses on giving couples the tools they need to thrive and prosper. His evidence-based approach is founded on current neuroscience and attachment research. Dr. John Grey has a name similar to Dr. John Gray, the author of “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus”…not the same man; however, they are friends. John has been facilitating marriage retreats for over 25 years. In a retreat, a couple acquires powerful new tools and strategies that are tailored to their particular situation, needs and personalities. John helps couples repair ruptures, heal from infidelity, defuse conflict and reactive cycles, communicate effectively, dissolve emotional walls, overcome sexual blocks, reconnect and renew intimacy. Retreats take place in beautiful Sonoma County, California.
Sedona Soul Adventures
Location: Sedona, Arizona
One of the top marriage retreats in the US, Sedona Soul Adventures offers incredible scenery and a custom-designed retreat for each couple in beautiful Sedona, Arizona. This is one of the few marriage retreats that does not focus on group counseling and instead recognizes that no two couples are alike and their retreats shouldn’t be either. At Sedona Soul Adventures marriage retreats, you focus exclusively on you and your partner. Before you even come to Sedona, you will both have spoken extensively with Sedona Soul Adventures so they can tailor your retreat experience to your relationship’s specific needs. You will enjoy a healing and romantic retreat, working in private sessions with Sedona’s most experienced and incredible practitioners. Sedona Soul Adventures works with over 40 practitioners.
The Gottman Institute: Marriage Counseling Retreats
Phone: 206-313-0471
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Sadly, many vacations are ruined by tension or squabbling. The Gottmans understand why this occurs, and they have built a set of marriage retreats that are designed to combat this problem. Couples who attend marriage retreats at the Gottman Institute get to enjoy a relaxing vacation in the stunning Orcas Island, Washington. There, they can enjoy activities ranging from golf to hiking to fine dining, but this relaxing vacation also offers therapy. Working with Dr. John Gottman and his Julie Schwartz Gottman, couples will learn to be more intimate, find their true goals, and strengthen their bonds of friendship.
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Great Thanksgiving Side Dish
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Paula Deen's Corn Casserole
1 can whole kernel corn, drained
1 can cream-style corn
1 (8 oz.) box of Jiffy cornbread mix
1 cup sour cream
½ cup (1 stick) butter, melted
1 to 1-1/2 cup shredded cheddar
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix everything together except the cheese and pour it into a 9 x 13-inch casserole dish. Bake for 45 minutes, or until golden brown. Remove from the oven and top with cheddar cheese and return to the oven for 5-10 minutes or until the cheese is melted. Let stand for 5 minutes, then serve warm. (6-8 servings)
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Steady Love by India Arie
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- The Willow and Erys Tour- Jaden Smith and Willow Smith with Lido - Thursday, November 21st at 8:00 p.m. at The Ritz, Raleigh, NC
- Arnez J- November 21-24th at 7:30 p.m. and 10:30 p.m. at Charlie Goodnights, Raleigh, NC
- Ariana Grande: Sweetener World Tour- Friday, November 22nd at 7:30 p.m. at PNC Arena, Raleigh, NC
- An Evening with Aaron Neville- Friday, November 22nd at 8:00 p.m. at Carolina Theater, Durham, NC
- Kenny G- Sunday, November 24th at 7:30 p.m. at the Durham Performing Arts Center, Durham, NC
- K. Michelle- O.S.D. Tour- Sunday, November 24th at 8:00 p.m. at The Ritz, Raleigh, NC
- PJ Morton- PAUL Tour- Tuesday, November 26th at 8:00 p.m. at The Ritz, Raleigh, NC
- HipHop and R&B Novemberfest- Friday, November 29th at 8:00 p.m. at the Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, NC
- Siddiq- November 29th and November 30th at 7:30 p.m. and 10:00 p.m. at Charlie Goodnights, Raleigh, NC
- Fantasia with Robin Thicke, Tank & The Bonfyre- Sunday, December 1st at 7:30 p.m. at PNC Arena, Raleigh, NC
- North Carolina State University vs. University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill- Football-Saturday, November 30th at TBA at Carter Finley Stadium, Raleigh, NC
- University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill vs. Ohio State University (Men’s Basketball)- Wednesday, December 4th at 9:30 p.m. at the Dean E. Smith Center, Chapel Hill, NC
- WWE-World Wrestling Entertainment- Friday, December 6th at 7:45 p.m. at Crown Coliseum, Fayetteville, NC
- NC Symphony Selections from Handel’s Messiah- Friday, December 6th at 12:00 p.m. and 8:00 p.m. at the Duke Energy Center for the Performing Arts, Raleigh, NC
- Harlem Globetrotters- Sunday, December 8th at 1:00 p.m. at Grant Center at Averett University, Danville, VA
- Wake Forest University vs. NC Agricultural State University- Saturday, December 21st at 12:00 p.m. at Joel Coliseum, Winston-Salem, NC
- Carolina Hurricanes vs Washington Capitals- Saturday, December 28th at 7:00 p.m. at PNC Arena, Raleigh, NC
- University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill vs. Yale University- (Men’s Basketball)- Monday, December 30th at TBA at the Dean E. Smith Center, Chapel Hill, NC
- Carolina Hurricanes vs. Tampa Bay Lightning- Sunday, January 5th at 5:00 p.m. at PNC Arena, Raleigh, NC
- University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill vs. Clemson University- Saturday, January 11th at 4:30 p.m. at the Dean E. Smith Center, Chapel Hill, NC
- Duke University vs. Wake Forest University- Saturday, January 11th at 8:00 p.m. at Cameron Indoor Stadium, Durham, NC
- NC Symphony-The Music of Elton John- Friday, January 17th and Saturday, January 18th at 8:00 p.m. at the Duke Energy Center for Performing Arts, Raleigh, NC
- Carolina Thunderbirds vs. Delaware Thunder- (Hockey)- Saturday, January 18th at 6:05 p.m. at the Winston-Salem Fairgrounds, Winston-Salem, NC
- University of North Carolina -Greensboro Spartans vs. Chattanooga Mocs- Saturday, January 18th at 7:00 p.m. at the Greensboro Coliseum
- 2020 US Figure Skating Championships- Tuesday, January 21st – Sunday, January 26th at the Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, NC
- Duke Blue Devils vs. Miami Hurricanes- Tuesday, January 21st at 9:00 p.m. at Cameron Indoor Stadium, Durham, NC
- Rent- Friday, January 31st at 8:00 p.m. and Saturday, February 1st at 8:00 p.m. and Sunday, February 2nd at 1:00 p.m. at the Durham Performing Arts Center, Durham, NC
- UNC Tarheels vs. Duke Blue Devils- Saturday, February 8th at 6:00 p.m. at the Dean E. Smith Center, Chapel Hill, NC
- NC Theater Presents Kinky Boots- Friday, February 14th and Saturday, February 15th at 7:30 p.m. at the Duke Energy Center for the Performing Arts, Raleigh, NC
- Mean Girls- Friday, February 14th at 8:00 p.m. and Saturday, February 15th at 2:00 p.m. at the Durham Performing Arts Center, Durham, NC
- National Ninja League Finals- Friday, February 21st-Sunday, February 23rd at the Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, NC
- Matilda: The Musical- Friday, February 21st and Saturday, February 22nd at 8:00 p.m. at the Paramount Theater, Burlington, NC
- Wake Forest Deacons vs. Duke Blue Devils- Tuesday, February 25th at 7:00 p.m. at the Joel Coliseum, Winston-Salem, NC
- UNC Tarheels vs. North Carolina State Wolfpack- Tuesday, February 25th at 9:00 p.m. at the Dean E. Smith Center
- Summer: The Donna Summer Musical (Touring)- February 25th -March 1st at the Durham Performing Arts Center, Durham, NC
- Carolina Hurricanes vs. Colorado Avalanche- Friday, February 28th at 7:30 p.m. at the PNC Arena, Raleigh, NC
- Les Misérables (Touring)- March 10th- March 15th at the Durham Performing Arts Center, Durham, NC
- Harlem Globetrotters- Sunday, March 15th at 3:00 p.m. at PNC Arena, Raleigh, NC
- 2020 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament- Friday, March 20th-Sunday, March 22nd at the Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, NC
- The Color Purple (Touring)- March 20th – March 22nd at the Durham Performing Arts Center, Durham, NC
- Harlem Globetrotters- Sunday, March 27th at 7:00 p.m. at Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, NC
- Festival of Laughs: Sommore, Gary Owen, Tony Rock, Lavell Crawford, DC Young Fly Karlous Miller- Friday, March 27th at 8:00 p.m. at the PNC Arena, Raleigh, NC
- World’s Toughest Rodeo- Sunday, March 29th at 3:00 p.m. at the PNC Arena, Raleigh, NC
Other Things to Do
T
he Barn Dinner Theater:
Salem Saturdays in Autumn-
November 2
nd
– November 30
th
in Winston Salem, NC
56
th
Annual Piedmont Craftsmen’s Fair
- November 23
rd
and 24
th
in Winston-Salem, NC
Photography by Phil Freelon: Structure in Space and Time
- October 22, 2019- April 26, 2020 in Wilmington, NC
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