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On the day after her high school graduation in 1969, my girlfriend, Most Beautiful One (MBO), and I took a huge risk by hitchhiking away from our families in Los Angeles. Then, disillusioned by months of eating brown rice and lentils while living on a friend’s porch, we finally realized that we couldn’t just survive on our ideals. Perhaps not coincidentally, the next day, a young man, Jim Davis, approached us on Santa Monica Boulevard when our 56 Chevy’s battery died, and invited us to a boisterous Buddhist discussion meeting. We were told that if we chanted Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, we could become happier, and all our dreams would come true.
We taught each other how to pronounce the two parts of the Lotus Sutra recitation twice every day in a beautiful park in West Los Angeles and soon after received our Gohonzon, the scroll to which we SGI members chant, not realizing we had begun a lifetime spiritual journey. Just a few months later, at 18 and 19 years old, we had a Buddhist wedding.
I remember liking that on either side of the words Nam-myoho-renge-kyo down the middle of the Gohonzon, Nichiren had inscribed the names of the buddhas, bodhisattvas and living beings that represent the various inner states of life, known as the Ten Worlds. These include the challenging conditions of hell, hunger, animality and anger. I took this to mean I could manifest my enlightened or Buddha nature in whatever situation I found myself...not just when things were going smoothly.
Ikeda Sensei said, “…by offering a hand to someone who is also suffering, we ourselves regain the will to live. Taking action out of concern for others enables us to heal our own lives” (Ikedaquotes.org). Having been told that practicing for oneself and others is a fundamental principle of Nichiren Buddhism, MBO and I threw ourselves into the practice of inviting people to our small, sometimes two or three times nightly, discussion meetings. One evening, just four of us had 20 students attend a single gathering at our home! Unfortunately, one of the guests was the daughter of our landlord who was an elder in his religious congregation but, ironically, was also my very corrupt boss. He ended up throwing us out of our house and firing me from my job. But it was through these efforts to share this life philosophy with others that we began to slowly see a dramatic shift in our karma as evidenced by improvements in our relationship and financial fortune.
In 1997, many years of benefits later and about a year after MBO was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, I fell into an extremely depressed state...the kind of loneliness and helplessness I had experienced as a child and teenager. It was at this point in my life that I began to understand the importance of meeting each challenge by, as said by the founder of our Buddhism, Nichiren, in many of his letters, “first employing the strategy of the Lotus Sutra.”
Thanks to guidance from my seniors, much chanting and a great therapist, the ever-present heaviness from my past that plagued me for so many years started to gradually subside. I also began to allow myself to experience periods of sadness without panic. This was actual proof that many of life’s most treasured gifts are buried in the most painful and risky places.
Ikeda Sensei also said, “Without opposition there is no growth. It is hard to argue with this logic. A state in which we are free from problems or constraints is not happiness. Happiness is transcending all opposition and obstacles and continuing to grow.”
Just a few of the other challenges I’ve overcome with this practice are dealing with a verbally abusive boss, having to find new consulting clients after our move from Virginia to Bainbridge Island in 2004, managing my relationship with MBO’s difficult mother, resolving chronic pelvic pain and healing a serious back injury.
I also slowly came to understand that my subconscious belief that my happiness depended on some event or situation happening in the future was just setting myself up for unhappiness. Especially when I considered that everyone is bound by the cycle of birth, sickness, old age, and death. If I had waited for a trouble-free life, my happiness would have continued to elude me. Instead, Buddhism has taught me that the real question is how will I respond when confronted with the problems I will inevitably face.
To quote Ikeda Sensei, “The gratification of desires is not happiness. Genuine happiness can only be achieved when we transform our way of life from the unthinking pursuit of pleasure to one committed to enriching our inner lives, when we focus on “being more rather than simply having more” (Ikedquotes.org).
I’ve learned that each of us has our own unique karma. So, it isn’t the length of one’s practice or how old we are that matters, but rather the actions we take from this moment forward.
Of course, no two relationships are the same, nor should they be. But, in difficult COVID and socio-political times like these, certain fundamental behaviors are critical, such as respecting MBO’s boundaries and questioning my thoughts before expressing them. For instance, is what I’m about to say kind and encouraging? Is it necessary? Am I working on improving myself as opposed to trying to fix her? Am I really listening?
These simple questions have contributed to our ongoing harmony. And have required me to work on mastering my mind instead of allowing my mind to master me. Last week, for the seventh year, I was fortunate to be able to share many of these life lessons with over 200 of our local high school 9th graders.
If my experience has a theme, it’s that I will continue to consistently chant everyday no matter what. As Nichiren, explained in a letter to one of his disciples over 700 years ago, “Worthy persons deserve to be called so because they are not carried away by the eight winds: prosperity, decline, disgrace, honor, praise, censure, suffering, and pleasure” (WND-1, 794).
MBO and I have experienced great conspicuous benefits from our practice. Our winters have always turned to spring. However, it’s when we have taken action for the well-being of others that we have seen our own life force significantly increase and expand. Carrying out this inconspicuous practice is living the bodhisattva way. It's about transforming individual good to social good and kosenrufu. We’re looking forward to practicing with all of you for as long as we’re around!
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