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The quest for work-life balance is akin to Roadrunner, seesaws and playing tug of war. Always out of reach, never 50/50 and if one side wins it's at the expense of the other. Think - all consuming, frustrating and exhausting.
Still, won't we feel better if we try? Sure, if you like chasing your tail.
Instead of splitting ourselves to manage the constant demands of work on one side and life on the other, what if we align our professional and personal lives around who we are, what's important to us and where we want to have impact?
What does alignment look like?
First let's look at what it's not. When we're misaligned, we may feel anxious or angry about the time we devote to work. Irritability frequently becomes our predominant state of mind. There's little coherence as we move through the different parts of our life. We may neglect self-care, self-development and our relationships. Our thinking can become rigid as we tell ourselves the story; "there's no other way". We think this because we believe it to be true and up until now, it's been our experience. This misalignment puts us at higher risk for burnout.
The first step is to open to the possibility that life could look and feel different. Imagine the whole pie is visible, not just the slices. There's integration. We forge an alliance with our work self & personal self and we feel less fragmented. There's opportunity to experience more flow states. We feel guided, more drawn to do rather than pushed to do. We experience more satisfaction with our daily lives. We can walk with more ease through the different phases of our life. We see our impact more clearly. It has meaning because it's connected to what we value.
Get clear about what you value
Values are not DNA. We choose which ones we hold high and they may change depending on our circumstances. Values define our principles, standards, boundaries and how we measure success. When we use our values and our strengths, we can direct our actions to achieve better alignment.
Scan this values list from James Clear.
- Pick 5 values that resonate
- Now define what those words mean to you
Or simply ask yourself:
- What matters most to me right now?
- What are my essential must haves?
- Who do I most admire and why?
- What provides vital energy for me? (People, places, things, activities)
Once you have a sense of what matters to you, notice where these are currently showing up in your life. Are they present in your work? In the ways you spend your free time? With the people who you surround yourself with? Which ones are you wanting more of?
While you can't change your life in an instant, it's easier to start when you know more of what you are wanting and where it may be lacking.
Lean into the things you are wanting more of
Need more challenge? Look for opportunities to learn new things.
Want more connection? Focus on improving a relationship or building your network.
Missing autonomy? Try leading a discussion or initiative.
Seeking creativity? Use your imagination, experiment with an artistic outlet or create a new process.
Want more variety? Seek a new experience or do something differently.
Identify where you have control
It's easier to create alignment in areas where we have control, and we often have more than we think.
First, recognize where you are. What are the immediate demands?
Sometimes we're in a period of life that requires great stamina. Sometimes we're not going to love the situation or season of life we're in. Zooming out to realize this is likely temporary can help to ease the pressure. We can't be everything all at once, but over the course of our life we often experience all of who we want to be. When we accept what is, we can allow ourselves permission to simplify, to be patient, to make choices "for now", not forever.
This infographic is a great visual for delineating areas of control:
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