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January 2020
DE-ESCALATING THE ESCALATED CONFLICT
While We Waited for the Iranian Shoe of Retaliation to Drop
Dear Clients and Friends,

Recently, the United States and Iran came dangerously close to the brink of war over the assassination of Iran's top military leader. This raised the question of how to de-escalate an already severely escalated conflict.

In this first column of 2020, we offer a road-map that can be applied to international, business, professional and family conflicts to help avert catastrophic and unintended results.

With Best Regards,

Raphael Lapin
DE-ESCALATING THE ESCALTED CONFLICT
While We Waited for the Iranian Shoe of Retaliation to Drop
Introduction
Recent news of the assassination of a top-level Iranian leader by U.S forces sent shock waves throughout the Middle-East and beyond. If Iran chose not to retaliate, she risked looking weak; being perceived as not avenging the blood of her leaders and martyrs; being seen as allowing herself to be intimidated and bullied; and potentially setting a terrible precedent of not defending her sovereignty and citizens, thereby exposing her flanks to further attacks. For these reasons, retaliation was inevitable.
 
As Iran and the U.S descended into a potential cycle of attacks and retaliations, a pressing question on the minds of many was: How can we de-escalate an already severely escalated conflict so that we might avoid global destabilization and avert a cataclysmic war?

This question is not only pertinent to international relations, but personal, business and professional relations also: How do we de-escalate an already escalated conflict?
Regulate Emotions Through a "Cooling-off" Period
In the heat of conflict, parties experience abject anger. They feel grossly disrespected and deeply violated. They believe their honor, dignity and pride has been viciously attacked. At this highly emotional and volatile stage of conflict, actions and reactions are likely to be destructively impulsive and often irrational. 

Before conflict can be resolved it first needs to be contained and managed so as to mitigate hasty decisions and hazardous behavior. For conflict to be managed and for rational thinking to take its rightful place, it is imperative to establish an initial “cooling-off” period. During this stage, parties are encouraged to exercise restraint and suspend all impulsive actions of attack or retaliation that could further exacerbate the situation.

To successfully implement an effective “cooling-off” period, a mutually trusted and respected neutral mediator who  yields a degree of influence, should persuade all parties to suspend any further acts of aggression while tensions are eased to a more manageable level.

In the current U.S. - Iran crisis for example, perhaps someone like President Putin, who possesses power of influence over Iran, might have served as that neutral and encouraged them to withhold any immediate reckless retaliation. (It turned out to be Switzerland. See Wall Street Journal report ).

In family conflicts it could be a trusted adviser or family confidant. In business disputes, the attorneys would be well positioned to encourage a “cooling off” period so as to regulate emotions, before launching destructive and costly lawsuits. 
Proportionate and Appropriate Reactions and Responses
When parties have successfully detached from the immediate emotional reaction sufficiently to regain a degree of balanced thought, the neutrals should engage them in a discussion about proportionate and appropriate responses that might de-escalate the conflict.

In the Iran-U.S. crisis for example, some options for Iran might have been appealing to the U.N National Security Council for a resolution condemning the U.S or perhaps filing a complaint with the International Court of Justice to seek censure. (In the end, the Swiss convinced them to retaliate militarily but without loss of human life – a constructively tempered response which avoided further escalation). 
Negotiation and Resolution
Only when emotions have been regulated through a “cooling off” period; when responses and reactions have been carefully restrained and tempered; and the conflict has de-escalated, can productive negotiations occur.

These negotiations will be fragile initially and will also need to be orchestrated through the third party neutral. In the Iran-U.S. crisis, it was once again Switzerland that was facilitating communication and dialogue between Washington and Teheran.

In family disputes, it will be that trusted family adviser and confidant that will help the parties resolve their differences, and in business disputes, the attorneys might encourage a four-way settlement conference or mediation to reach a mutually acceptable agreement.

By following this road-map towards de-escalation, world wars, costly and destructive lawsuits and family breakups might be averted.
Lessons Learned
  • In the heat of conflict, parties experience abject anger and feel disrespected and deeply violated. They believe their honor, dignity and pride has been viciously attacked.
  • At this highly emotional and volatile stage of conflict, actions and reactions are likely to be destructively impulsive and often irrational.
  • Before conflict can be resolved it first needs to be contained and managed so as to mitigate hasty decisions and hazardous behavior.
  • For conflict to be managed and for rational thinking to take its rightful place, it is imperative to establish an initial “cooling-off” period.
  • To successfully implement an effective “cooling-off” period, a mutually trusted and respected neutral mediator who yields a degree of influence, should persuade all parties to suspend any further acts of aggression while tensions are eased to a more manageable level.
  • When parties have successfully detached from the immediate emotional reaction sufficiently to regain a degree of balanced thought, the neutrals should engage them in a discussion about proportionate and appropriate responses that might de-escalate the conflict.
  • Only when emotions have been regulated through a “cooling off” period; when responses and reactions have been carefully restrained and tempered; and the conflict has de-escalated, can productive negotiations occur.
Lapin Negotiation Services offers training, consulting, advising and executive coaching in negotiation, business diplomacy and dispute resolution services.

Our proprietary and aggressively results oriented services are designed to help your leadership, teams and individuals master the essential negotiation, relationship-building and conflict management skills that increase revenues, decrease the high cost of conflict and build strong working relationships.
Learn more about Raphael Lapin's book, "Working with Difficult People" by clicking on the image above
Our Skilled Specialists will:
  • Help your organization build a highly effective negotiation competency and culture which translates into increased revenue and strong business relationships.
  • Train and prepare your sales teams using our propriety "Investigative Selling" approach.
  • Provide advice, strategy, guidance and representation in live negotiation challenges
  • Facilitate, mediate and advise in dispute resolution.
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