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95,760 members
27,034 half-sibling & donor connections!
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2024: Another great year! | | |
We'll present a workshop in May called Dibling-Dumpling Donuts: Mind your Language When Talking about Donor Conception at the Association of American Family and Conciliation Courts 62nd Annual Conference, Bridging Perspectives: Pioneering Solutions in Family Law.
Over the years, the Donor Sibling Registry has listened to, studied, and published many research studies on DCP, and now, we're looking for a terminology update. With some background information for context, we want to know which terms you most often use for the "donor" and your "half-siblings." (Those terms are used in the questionnaire only for identification and simplicity.)
Your voice matters; please take the survey if you are a DCP!
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A quick update on the wonderful enduring relationships you created through your brilliant registry. My son has a deep and enduring relationship with many of his half-siblings because of you. They are located in different parts of the country but attend each other's special occasions, travel together, and, in general, have ongoing communication and a sense of family. While my son was an "only child" he has a deep and meaningful relationship with his other siblings.
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Thank you very much for this and for your incredible efforts. Truly, without the DSR, we would have much emotional upset in this house. New England Cryo is incredibly obstructionist –they refuse to give the information they promised about my son’s open-identity donor. This entire donor world is so difficult! Fortunately, we have the DSR to help fill in holes about my son’s genetic history.
See more sperm bank user experiences here.
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Donor Sibling Registry Website Tips
DSR Tip #1: If you're posted on the DSR and receive email notification of a new match, please message that person to welcome them. People need to know that the DSR is a safe landing space and that they'll be welcomed into any group of parents/half-siblings/donors that already exists. Thank you!
DSR Tip #2: If you have checked the DSR for matches but don’t see any, it’s crucial to add your posting anyway. Many people are out there, watching the site, waiting for the first person to post their donor number. So be the first! Too many people have missed out on years of connecting because they and their matches were sitting back and waiting to see a match post first. If this has happened to you, please share your experience.
DSR Tip #3: Because sperm banks ship to many clinics worldwide, it’s important to post under the originating sperm bank, not your local clinic or doctor.
DSR Tip #4: When you add your posting to the DSR, please fill in as much information as possible about the donor, e.g., birthdate, height, weight, hair and eye color, education, and hobbies. This can help those who might not have a donor number recognize themselves (donors) or the descriptions from the donor profile (parents and DCP).
DSR Tip #5: If you are new to the DSR and match immediately after adding your posting, it’s a good idea to message your matches promptly. That way, they’ll know you’re interested in connecting and/or sharing information. If our automatic emails notifying them of the new match/new message get bounced back to us as undeliverable, don’t worry; I’ll mail them a letter via the USPS!
DSR Tip #6: Make sure to enter the full and correct donor number/ID on the DSR, as consistency is crucial. If you’re unsure how to enter your facility’s donor number, please look at the postings already on the DSR to see how others have done it. Here are a few examples:
- If the sperm originated at Xytex, when there are 3 letters before the 4 numbers, make sure to include them with a space in the middle, like this: ABC 1234.
- If the sperm originated at Seattle Sperm Bank/European Sperm Bank/Nordic Sperm Bank, Cryos, (even Xytex), etc. and the donor ID has both a number and an alias name, please enter it like this: 10009 “Wendy”.
- If you used Follas Labs and have an “F” before the donor number, please enter the “F” in front of the donor number without a space, like this: F999.
- If you used Cryobiology and your donor ID starts with “CB” (or other letters) followed by numbers, please enter with a space between, like this: CB 999.
- If you used the Fertility Center of CA-Orange/San Diego/Santa Anna and have letters and numbers, please enter the letters first, then the numbers, with no space, like this: SL123.
- If you used Egg Donor Solutions, please enter EDS and then the number with no space, like this: EDS999.
- If you used International Cryogenics and have letters before the number, please don’t leave a space, like this: AA999.
- If the sperm originated at the New England Cryogenic Center, please enter donor numbers with a dash after the “D”, like this: D-9990.
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Consult/Advice/Support Video Chat | |
Here are some issues we can chat about:
- I just found out that I am donor-conceived ... help!
- Donor-conceived people who are shouldering the secret of donor conception (not letting parents know that they know) after finding out later in life.
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Prospective parents: what you should know to make informed and educated decisions that will affect your child for decades.
- My adult donor-conceived child just found via DNA testing that they are donor-conceived ... how do I best support them?
- Maneuvering through disclosure, a child’s right to know, and when and how to tell.
- How to move forward in connecting with a half-sibling’s family (or many families).
- Connecting with a formerly anonymous donor, via the DSR, DNA, or other methods.
- Coping with donor family members who have different comfort levels and desires to connect.
- Non-biological parents who feel uncomfortable with their children reaching out to donor relatives.
- Parents: discuss the distinctions about how you define family and how your child might do so.
- Helping to maneuver the fine line between privacy and secrecy in the families we connect with.
- Donor-conceived people: how to cope when you have a burning desire to know your genetic/ancestral history.
- Donors: how to move forward with connecting when your family members may not know of your donations or may not approve of your reaching out to your genetic offspring. How to manage when there are many of them.
- Parents/donors/offspring: coming together from different socio-economic/cultural/political/sexual orientation/religious backgrounds who need assistance in moving forward in the most healthy way possible.
Feedback:
Thank you, Wendy, for talking to us this afternoon. It’s always so soothing and comforting to share our feelings and thoughts with you. Thanks for listening to our concerns and fears. We’ve never been able to open up like that with anyone for the past 37 years. We told our kids about you and how helpful you were to us and that you would be available to talk to them if they so desired.
— L&T*
Thank you so much for sharing your exhaustive experience with me. You gave great advice and gave me a lot to think about. I really appreciate it! I will keep you posted as I move forward.— LR
Thank you so much for being there and spending the time to talk with us yesterday. I feel like we're getting the ball rolling at least. I can't express my gratitude enough for your expertise, knowledge, and availability. I will be in touch again without a doubt. — M&L
It was nice to speak frankly and to air our fears (even the ones we knew were irrational) to someone who knows how primal this new donor communication is. — RM
Thank you so much for your guidance and support! It really helped prepare me for the conversation with my mom, dad, and brother. I also had the opportunity to Facetime with 4 half-siblings yesterday, thanks to the DSR. 3 of them happened to be together for a reunion of sorts, and we looped a fourth one in. I was able to connect a fifth to this group via text afterward. It was incredible! Thanks, again!
— SC
*These parents were recently advised by their licensed mental health professional to not tell their adult children the truth, seeing "no reason to do so". Unfortunately, this is not uncommon.
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Egg Donor Families:
Connect From Pregnancy/Birth!
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DSR Website Project Launch | |
The next time you log into the DSR, things will look slightly different, as our UX/UI website improvement project launched on January 13th. This work was on the user interface; read-only pages for visitors/members are planned for 2025. Amazingly....no bugs so far! Please email me to report any issues. wendy@donorsiblingregistry.com
What is UX/UI?
UI (user interface) and UX (user experience) design are two different areas of digital design that can work together to create a strong user experience:
- UI design focuses on the look and feel of a product's visual components and interactive elements, such as screens, buttons, icons, and toggles. UI designers create intuitive, aesthetically pleasing interfaces that drive user engagement.
- UX design focuses on the overall user experience with a product or service, including how they feel about it. UX designers identify and solve user problems by creating wireframes and testable prototypes that map out the user journey.
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Family Science Labs Podcast
Wendy Kramer: Donor Conception — Open Dialogues and Ethical Choices | All Together #68
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykTHxgVPwZk
An alternate path to parenthood that has endowed families around the world, donor conception raises a multitude of questions about identity, genetics, and ethical considerations. This week on All Together: The Family Science Insights Podcast, host Marie Stella is joined by Wendy Kramer, the co-founder and director of the Donor Sibling Registry, to explore these questions and more.
Founded in 2000, Donor Sibling Registry was founded with Wendy Kramer’s donor-conceived son Ryan to assist individuals conceived as a result of sperm, egg, or embryo donation who are seeking to make mutually desired contact with others with whom they share genetic ties.
With over 95,000 members in 105 countries, the DSR has helped connect more than 26,250 people with their half-siblings and/or biological parents. Wendy Kramer has listened to, advised, consulted, and researched thousands of these parents, donors, donor-conceived people, and other donor family members.
In this episode, Wendy Kramer asserts that the reproduction medicine industry is highly unregulated, with much information supplied by sperm banks or donor clinics being misinformed as part of marketing efforts to draw in more clients. She reveals that in the digital age, the ‘anonymity’ typically promised by such clinics is near-impossible, with social media platforms and DNA tests readily available for public consumption. Wendy Kramer cites her son Ryan as an example of a donor-conceived child being able to locate their biological parent all on their own.
Wendy Kramer and Marie discuss the importance of open conversations in donor-conceived families, from when to disclose such information to a child to various ways to normalize these conversations. So, whether or not you plan to embark on the route to donor conception, tune in for an incredibly eye-opening episode!
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BOOK: Counseling Donor Family Members
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Published by Ethics Press, this guide will be of interest to therapists, counselors, psychologists, sociologists, physicians, and other mental health professionals who may encounter this topic in their specific settings with patients who have a variety of presenting problems, as well as professionals in the reproductive medicine industry.
And yes, this guide is also helpful for donors, parents, and donor-conceived people. Understanding the layers of emotional depth and the specific challenges that all stakeholders might face is very helpful when maneuvering through your own personal journey.
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2024 Published Articles
1/4/24
DNA Matters: Psychological Differences in Donor Families
Accurate and updated mental health information is vital for families and donors
1/25/24
The Ethical Sperm Bank: An All-Open Sperm Bank
An idea whose time has come.
2/26/24
The Problems With Donor-Sibling Groups of 50, 250, or More
Important medical, psychological, and social implications for donor offspring.
3/29/24
What Rights Are Important to Donor-Conceived People? Personal Perspective: A bill of rights for the infertility field.
4/30/24
Accurate Terminology in Egg Donation Families: The person who contributes the egg is the biological or genetic mother.
5/30/24
Gamete Donors Connecting With Offspring and Their Families
Barriers: the perception of rejection, worry, fear, and other concerns.
6/19/24
Donor Families: Mutual Consent Contact
Personal Perspective: Mutually agreed-upon contact can be quite different.
8/5/24
Enhancing Family Connections in Donor Conception
A call for simplicity and transparency in donor-family relations.
8/19/24
Donor-Conceived People: The Search for Ancestry and Identity
Discovering family history enhances self-understanding and connection.
9/18/24
Bypassing Trauma in Donor-Conceived People
The power of early disclosure and donor family connections to reduce trauma.
10/15/2024
Widening the Family Circle: Sperm and Egg Donors' Families
A donor's partner, parents, and children can support broadening the family.
11/5/2024
Parents of Young Donor Children: Modeling Conversations Empowering donor-conceived children to be confident and proud of their origin story.
12/11/2024
Donor Families: Navigating Disenfranchised Grief
When donor family members have feelings of unacknowledged loss and or rejection.
2023 Published Articles
1/6/23
Why are Sperm and Eggs Still Sold Anonymously?
Personal Perspective: The consequences of donor anonymity.
1/27/23
Cornerstones of the Donor Family: Kindness and Empathy:
From choosing a donor to expanding one's family to include donor relatives.
3/2/23
Tips for Donor-Conceived Adults Who Just Found Out the Truth:
The road might be bumpy for a while, with a multitude of difficult emotions.
4/3/23
Donor-Conceived People Who Have Always Known the Truth:
Being donor-conceived can have inherent challenges, even if told early on.
4/24/23
Egg and Sperm Donors: It's Complicated:
Some common thoughts and feelings surrounding selling one's gametes.
5/8/23
Donor-Conceived People: Curiously not Curious:
Some insist that they are not at all curious about their donor origins.
6/12/23
Parents of Donor-Conceived People: Researching the thoughts and feelings of biological and non-biological parents.
7/10/23
Reaching Out to Sperm and Egg Donors: Weighing the risks and rewards when deciding whether to attempt contact.
7/27/2023
Why Is There a Shortage of Black Egg and Sperm Donors?
Creating a more diverse donor landscape.
8/7/23
Donor-Conceived Children Meeting Their Half-Siblings
Widening one's family circle with enriching, lifelong relationships.
9/5/23
Gamete Sellers: It's More Than Just a Financial Transaction
Common themes, topics, and issues that arise with former egg and sperm donors.
10/2/23
Sperm Banks, Egg Facilities, and the Backfire Effect
Why have gamete sellers been resistant to evolving ideas about donor families?
11/1/23
Contacting a Gamete Donor for the First Time: The Letter.
You might not get a second chance to make a first impression.
12/4/23
Donor Offspring: Curiosity, Connecting, & Attachment Theory
Securely attached individuals are more likely to have a positive experience.
2022 Published Articles
3/6/22
Supporting Donor Family Members:
Adequate counseling and education are vital.
3/25/22
A Brief History of Donor Conception:
Looking at eight centuries of manipulating sperm.
4/19/22
Words Have Power in Sperm and Egg Donor Families:
The language of reproductive medicine can be tricky.
5/5/22
Happy Mother's Day to Solo Moms (of Donor Kids):
Personal Perspective: A special shout-out to single mother (only) parents.
5/27/22
Donor Conception: Questions for Prospective Parents:
Issues and themes to ponder when considering using donor gametes.
6/23/22
Truth and Honesty in Families of Donor-Conceived Children:
Early disclosure is crucial for building a happy and healthy family.
7/21/22
A Dearth of Adequate Gamete Donor and Recipient Counseling:
Education and counseling before selling or buying sperm and eggs is crucial.
8/25/22
Are You Thinking About Donating Your Sperm or Eggs?
A few practical, ethical, emotional, and medical issues to consider.
9/26/22
Nature and Nurture in Donor Families:
Biological and non-biological parents matter.
10/26/22
Tips for Parents of Adult Donor-Conceived People:
Are you about to disclose, or do you have a child who just found out the truth?
11/28/22
DNA: Donors Not Anonymous:
Sperm and egg donor anonymity has not been possible since 2005.
12/13/22
Secrecy v. Privacy in Donor Families: Walking the fine line between privacy and secrecy is inherent in donor families.
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Research
New paper in press!
Fertility and Sterility
Oocyte Donors’ Physical Outcomes and Psychosocial Experiences: A Mixed Methods Study
Our partners from the University of Illinois at Chicago Dept. of Population Health Nursing Science/ Dept. of Obstetrics & Gynecology presented this research at the American Society of Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) 2022 Scientific Congress & Expo. This abstract was presented with the ASRM's Nurses' Professional Group's best abstract award and the ASRM's Mental Health Professional Group's best abstract award at the 2022 ASRM annual conference.
This study yielded 345 completed surveys and was presented at the MNRS (Midwest Nursing Research Society) 2022 conference and the 2022 American College of Nurse-Midwives annual meeting.
The paper is free to read until March.
https://authors.elsevier.com/c/1kR5B3Qi7z5-6
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Upcoming Speaking Engagements
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Spring 2025: Il Post, Italy
Podcast on assisted reproduction, which covers stories and issues that are either not known or poorly known in Italy - both because of the bans included in our law on assisted reproduction and because we regulated donor insemination quite recently compared to other countries. Yet, these aspects closely affect the lives of many people, who are often uninformed about their reproductive choices and what is known about donor-conceived people in the world.
5/2025: Annual Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC) meeting. 90-minute Workshop: Dibling-Dumpling Donuts: Mind your Language when Talking about Donor Conception. New Orleans
11/2025: Counseling Donor Family Members
The 33rd World Congress on Controversies in Obstetrics, Gynecology and Infertility (COGI). Rome, Italy.
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Your Family: A Donor Kid’s Story is a sweet and light-hearted picture book that answers the question "Where did I come from?” and then gently introduces the concepts of half-siblings and donors openly and honestly. The book starts with the parent’s desire to have a baby, and the use of a donor, and then broaches the topic of half-siblings and biological parents/donors. A perfect book for donor-conceived children and their parents in all family types to learn about how they were conceived and to understand that being curious about their unknown genetic origins and relatives is natural.
Just as there are many family types, there are also many ways to define a child’s family and their donor relatives. Reading this book with your young donor-conceived child can initiate or supplement important and ongoing dialog about these genetic connections. These early conversations are integral for creating a happy and healthy donor child and family.
"A lovely book for children who were conceived with donor sperm or egg. Parents in all kinds of families will find it very helpful in explaining their child’s conception story in a gentle simple and positive way."
—Jane Mattes, L.C.S.W., psychotherapist and Founder/Director of Single Mothers by Choice
"Having worked with Wendy Kramer for many years I know her organization, the Donor Sibling Registry, is valuable to the LGBTQ parenting community. We’ve published family stories that talk about how DSR has brought joy to not just the half-siblings discovering each other but to their gay parents as well. Kramer’s children’s book Your Family: A Donor Kid’s Story is an important contribution to the LGBTQ community and a great addition to the homes of all parents with donor-conceived children."
—Angeline Acain, publisher and editor, Gay Parent Magazine
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Finding Our Families: A First-of-Its-Kind Book for Donor-Conceived People and their Families
Millions of people have been born with the help of donor sperm or eggs, including Wendy Kramer’s son. Realizing the unique concerns of being or parenting a donor-conceived child, Kramer launched what would become the world’s largest database for connecting donor-conceived people, the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR).
Finding Our Families provides additional support for this growing community. With compassion and insight, the authors draw on extensive research to address situations families face throughout a donor-conceived child’s development, including the search for a biological parent or half-sibling and how to forge a healthy self-image.
"The book successfully honors its promise to deliver the tools necessary to help donor-conceived children discover and explore their genetic legacies.” —Publishers Weekly
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Donor Family Matters
The story of Wendy Kramer and her donor-conceived child, Ryan, who eventually found his biological father and [now 29] half-siblings. Wendy and Ryan created the Donor Sibling Registry, the world’s largest platform for mutual-consent contact of sperm, egg, and embryo donors, donor-conceived children and adults, and their parents.
Educate the child. Raise him or her without biases of any kind. Teach him or her to trust in others but to rely on self. Instill in him or her a sense of humor and the ability to enjoy life.”
Penned on a sperm bank intake form, these words of advice from Donor 1058 to the future recipients of his donations became a parental motto for one particular recipient, Wendy Kramer, who would go on to found the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR). With more than 92,000 members in 105 countries, the DSR is the world’s largest platform for sperm, egg, and embryo donors, donor-conceived children and adults, and their parents to connect and share information through mutual consent contact. In her role with the DSR, Wendy has become a leading advocate for donor families and for reformation of the modern profit-driven donor conception industry.
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