Gospel-shaped Relationships
“The mystery in a nutshell is just this: Christ is in you, so therefore you can look forward to sharing in God’s glory. It’s that simple. That is the substance of our Message.”
Colossians 1:27, The Message
Relationships that go the distance are hard: Our friendships, if we are going to fight for them, can be difficult. Our marriages need constant investment. Even friendships with members of our church family can bring difficult moments in maintaining peaceful and honest relationships.
As a human among humans, I have many relationships with friends and former colleagues where things have gone sour. People have made decisions with which I’ve disagreed, or behaved in ways that I’ve found hard to stomach, and in return have been tricky to be around, arrogant, self-centered, or blind to other persons’ needs or perspectives.
In my own strength, there is only so much I can do to be a better spouse, friend, colleague and parent — but with the Holy Spirit, with Christ in me, there is hope for so much more. If I am open to Christ in me taking the lead in my relationships, and not my own sense of “rightness,” morality or propriety, then I can go so much further.
In The Message’s paraphrase of Colossians, this above verse continues, “We teach in a spirit of profound common sense so that we can bring each person to maturity. To be mature is to be basic. Christ! No more, no less.”
This is where the Gospel of Jesus can help us radically change. This is where my friendships can help me faithfully love another person — not because I want to be right, but because I want them to become as Christ-like as they can be.
“What does this look like?” you may ask. From my experience, it looks like telling someone a truth that you know may hurt him/her, but there’s honestly no part of you that enjoys it — instead, you dread wounding your brother or sister, but recognize the need for truth.
It means you stay when you want to leave— consciously not drifting out of people's lives when it is hard.
It means staying silent when you want to talk, knowing there will be more opportunities for formation down the road.
It means reminding myself of the Gospel every single day; it means being honest with God about the plank in my own eye before pointing out the specks in others’.
Yet, mainly it means freedom – freedom from ‘trying harder’ to be a good friend to people, and recognizing Christ in me AND in them, and to stop using our relationships as a way to serve ourselves. We love them because God loves us, and that love isn’t about being nice or being liked, or even loved, but it’s about radical sacrifice, perseverance, humility and grace.
