Stolen Dishonor

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.”

Matthew 18:15, NIV

In our culture today, some people are looking to be offended. If you think that’s a loaded statement, take a look at social media. Any slight, no matter how small or unintended (or staged), can become fodder for a grievance. What makes this so appealing?

There’s a pretty common idea in our society that the more injustice or hardship someone has experienced, the more they are held in high esteem. Some of this is for good reason. Sometimes, when past injustices can’t be righted, admiration is the only way to give honor to those who endured mistreatment. In its best sense, it is a way that we are trying to live out the values of God’s kingdom by making the least the greatest.

Unfortunately, that good impulse to honor those who have been mistreated in the past can be twisted (as almost all things can be twisted) by pride and self-centeredness. It’s tempting for us to harbor the feeling of being mistreated as a badge of honor. Perceived insults become declarations of interpersonal war. It seems that some people seek out dishonor – or, at least, they seek out the public perception of being dishonored so that they can milk it for valor.

Jesus’ words should stop us in our tracks. If someone wrongs me, am I not supposed to post my grievance on social media? Isn’t my first step to let all my colleagues, friends and family members know how I’ve been hurt?

No. The first step is to go to the person who has sinned and talk to them. If they continue in their behavior, Jesus says to then approach another person and then take it to a larger group. If they repent and change their behavior, you’ve won back a friend and avoided dragging their name through the mud.

Note: This does not apply to crimes or abusive relationships. Some wicked people try to twist verses like this as a way of hiding their harmful behavior. If you need help in a relationship like this, contact the authorities or a trusted friend or family member.

When someone hurts you – and people are going to hurt you – don’t immediately trumpet their sins from the rooftop. Approach them; work together for reconciliation. In doing so, you will be a child of your Father in heaven. Remember,

“Blessed are the peacemakers,

for they will be called children of God.”

Matthew 5:9, NIV