Have You Learned to Say I’m Sorry?
“If you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.”
Matthew 5:23-24
A short phrase, but one that’s sometimes very hard to say and means: “I am sorry.”
Apologies can be offered cheaply. We can do it with one hand behind our backs and fingers crossed because we know we need to say something to make peace — we know we should do it. We can apologize because of a generalized fear that we might have offended or done something to upset. We can say sorry and be bitter — with a silent “You wronged me more, but I’m taking the moral high ground.” And we can not apologize at all, and instead, just walk away.
Many years ago, I got into a disagreement with someone on social media and I trialed the distasteful “I’m sorry you feel that way” type of apology. It did not go down well (and rightly so)! Honestly, I forget the specifics of the argument and why an apology, even a bad one, was needed. Yet, having since been on the receiving end of someone else apologizing for my feelings I know how manipulative such a statement can be.
Yet, Jesus taught none of these things.
In Matthew 5, Jesus teaches the importance of seeking out those we’ve wronged and being reconciled to them. Notice the focus: it’s on what I’ve done. Not on whether the other person has wronged me (though they may have). It’s as much about clearing the air between me and God as it is about the person I’ve wronged.
Apologizing is a practical and impactful way we can own our humility, our sin and our brokenness. It’s a very real way that we can trust we are forgiven and loved by God. If I’m forgiven and loved with the (many) mistakes I’ve made, I can apologize freely and ferociously for when others have been hurt by my choices whether I saw that hurt coming or not. I can offer regret for how I’ve harmed my neighbor and I can use the gift of that moment to pray for discernment and wisdom as to how to amend my heart, life and that relationship.
Who have I hurt today or in the recent past? Regardless of whether I’m right and they’re wrong — have I caused someone else to feel criticized or condemned, foolish or worthless?
How can I say sorry to them for the harm and mean it?
