The Wrestle
“So Jacob took the food to his father. “ My father?” he said. “Yes, my son,” Isaac answered. “Who are you—Esau or Jacob?” Jacob replied, “It’s Esau, your firstborn son. I’ve done as you told me. Here is the wild game. Now sit up and eat it so you can give me your blessing.”
Genesis 27:18-19, New Living Translation
I am the firstborn in my family, the eldest child of just two, and am grateful that there has never been a day–even through my hideous adolescence–where I did not know that my parents loved me and wanted good things for me. I have an extraordinary younger sibling–academically gifted, warm and kind–and I am thankful often that I did not have to follow her through school, trying to live up to what would have felt like an impossible level!
Even with this grounding, I have spent so much of my life wanting to be noticed and lauded; to be acknowledged as someone bringing value and to be publicly acclaimed as such. Looking back at my life, there have been so many points where I have been wanted to be recognized as a great Christian or leader, but not always been willing to put the work in to get there.
I am sure many of you know this story, where Jacob steals the blessing from his older brother by visiting his dying father dressed in Esau’s clothes so he smelled of him, and covered his arms in goatskins so that he could impersonate his brother’s apparently impressive body hair.
I used to wonder why Jacob went to all the trouble of skinning goats and pretending to be his brother just for a blessing. It was clear that he would be found out immediately, that no inheritance would be his before Esau and Isaac discovered his deceit. So why go to the effort?
Who has not needed their parent to tell them they loved them and were proud of them? Who has not pursued affirmation in the wrong places or from the wrong people? Who has not looked to earthly success to fill a void where we have felt overlooked or underappreciated by those around us?
Jacob spends his life pursuing blessings in the wrong places until he wrestles with God (Genesis 32:22-31) and, while fighting Him, he has this realization: He is finally in the arms of God. And Jacob refuses to let go.
I know I need to hear this again! I need to stop skinning metaphorical goats and living out callings that are not mine to live. And I need to earn nothing, but just realize that my heavenly Father is only calling me back into His arms so that He might bless me, just as He longs to be with and bless you.
