Dear Friends, 

This past week, on Friday morning before Shabbat, an Israeli friend reached out to me via Whatsapp. (It’s strange to say it, but my now-extensive use of Whatsapp is indeed among the ways that my life has changed concretely since October 7.) He is currently an intelligence officer in the IDF and over Shabbat, two weeks ago, he and members of his unit remained on base for a “Zionism and Judaism Shabbaton.”

Over the course of the Shabbaton the subject of Conservative Judaism came up several times, and in his text message he shared with me how shocked he was by his soldier friends’ lack of knowledge about American Jewish life in general and about non-Orthodox Jewish life in particular. It should be said these are, almost certainly, extremely talented men and women–as he said, the future “backbone of IDF intelligence”–and their knowledge gaps struck him as so urgent that he approached one of his commanding officers and asked if he could offer a lecture in the coming weeks on non-Orthodox Judaisms. After his commander agreed, he reached out to me to get my sense of how he should prepare and what he should emphasize. 

Here is my initial response, also via Whatsapp (it is very lightly edited):

Hi! Thank you for being in touch about this and for raising it as an issue. It’s very important, I think, for Israelis to have an awareness of what’s going on in American Jewish communities (though I might encourage you to reach out to some Masorti Rabbis in Israel as well—there are some, and I’d be happy to connect you!😀). Perhaps even more important (or equally so) I might even argue that Conservative Judaism (or the approach to Judaism taught and promulgated at institutions like the Jewish Theological Seminary and the PJC) has something vital to offer a broad swath of Israeli Jews who are rightly uninspired (or repulsed) by the haredi Chief Rabbinate, but who don’t fit neatly into the dati/hiloni [religious/secular] binary (most of us don’t, after all). i.e. I think Conservative Judaism could be important for your friends to hear about not just for the sake of helping them better understand Americans, but also in order to help them articulate a positive vision of their own Jewish/Israeli lives. And I guess that’s what I would urge you to communicate (if you agree, of course!). Conservative Judaism, at its best, offers a dynamic and evolving approach to Jewish being and it is the style of Judaism that is the most authentic inheritor of the tradition inaugurated by the ancient rabbis. Or anyway, that is what most Conservative rabbis and thinkers believe. It also offers, I would venture, the best framework in which to think about the ongoing project of reimagining what Judaism might be now that the diaspora is over. Hayyim Nahman Bialik wrote a magnificent essay about this called “Halakhah and Aggadah,” which, everyone should read!

A few seconds later I added: 

Well, as you can see I have a lot to say about this and, if you want, I’d be happy to connect about this by phone to talk through anything you want.

And, finally, after reading over the lengthy text message that I dashed off in minutes, I concluded with: 

Conservative Judaism is notoriously difficult to describe succinctly (a strength and weakness, I suppose) but if you have an hour or whatever I’d happily help you think through main points, if you want.

We jumped on a Zoom immediately after that.

During our conversation, which was fascinating and wide-ranging, I referred him to some literature and made some of the points that I often make in these kinds of conversations–points that I have, no doubt, made already at the PJC and will no doubt make again. I spoke about how the Torah wants us to live rich and dynamic lives, in conversation with the past, fully engaged with the present, and with an eye on the future. I spoke about tradition and change (the motto of our movement) and about how change is itself traditional. I spoke about the value of egalitarianism, which, as my colleague Yehudah Kurtzer has suggested, may one day stand as the most important American Jewish contribution to our history and ongoing development as a people. And, finally, I said that Conservative Judaism is the truest and most authentic way of leading a Jewish life in the contemporary world. Whether or not I’m right about these things is, for the moment, beside the point. The point–at least the point I want to make here–is that the conversation happened and that it was important and that it was, I believe, mutually illuminating. 

Over the past several months, one of the the persistent anxieties of the American rabbinate–or, at the very least, one of my persistent anxieties–is that I’m not doing enough to help our people in a time of war and darkness. I worry that I am not giving enough, that I am not speaking enough, that I am not writing enough, that I am not praying enough, that I am not facilitating enough conversations. Some of this anxiety, though perhaps misplaced, is an inexorable aspect of the American Jewish experience at the present time. As American Jews we are, all of us, to some lesser or greater extent on the sidelines. We are not, for the most part, fighting ourselves. We are not, for the most part, risking our lives and the lives of our children. We are not, for the most part, held hostage. As the weeks and months have stretched on since October 7, I have been asking myself, over and over again, what is my role now? 

One answer is that we need to talk with one another and we need to continue to share what we’re doing with the Jewish world at large. I don’t think for one minute that we in the Conservative movement have all the answers when it comes to the biggest questions facing the Jews today (though I would also argue that we have a lot more answers than we sometimes get credit for). But I do think that what we do–at the PJC and beyond the PJC–matters, urgently, not just for us but the Jews everywhere and not just for the Jews everywhere but for the world. What we do here matters enough to my friend that he decided part of keeping Israel safe means making sure Israeli intelligence officers know something about it. And when I asked him what Israel and her citizens need from me now, as I always do when I talk with my Israeli friends, he gave the answer that I most often hear: He said you need to keep talking and you need to make our case to the world. Part of making that case–not the whole of it, of course, but an important piece–involves making the case for a Judaism that is rich, authentic, kind, dynamic, and necessary for human thriving, a Judaism that is new and old at once, just as Herzl imagined the Land. This is the Judaism to which we are devoted here.

I did not leave that conversation with the conviction that I understand my role as an American Jew any better or that I no longer worry that I am not doing enough. Indeed, I’m still not entirely sure. And certainly I still worry. But I did leave it inspired by the fact that we have a friend over there who we care about and who cares about us. Just as I believe what he is doing is urgently important he believes, I think, that what we are doing is urgently important. And whatever is to come, that bond is to be cherished and nurtured. It is of irreducible value. And it will keep us safe.

Brachot–

Rabbi Benjamin Resnick

Ben

“A great and strong wind tore through the mountains, and broke the rocks in pieces… but God was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake; but God was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire; but God was not in the fire. And after the fire a still small voice. And when Elijah heard that, he wrapped his face in his cloak... and behold: God’s voice came to him.”(I Kings 19:11-13)

This past Sunday, I attended the Memorial service at the JCC of Manhattan commemorating the “Shloshim” (30) of my dear friend Vivian Silver z”l. Vivian was brutally killed by Hamas terrorists at her home in Kibbutz Be’eri on the tragic Shabbat of Simchat Torah, October 7th attack in Israel. The Memorial service offered an opportunity for Vivian’s family and friends to grieve and process together the tragic events that lead to her death, and also celebrate her life.

With your permission, I would like to share who Vivian was and why we all miss her so very much. I first met Vivian when I volunteered in Kibbutz Gezer during the fall and winter of 1981. Vivian was the mazkirah (the general secretary) of the kibbutz that later became my first home in Israel when Neco and I moved from Brazil to live there.

In the heart of the complex tapestry that is Israel's socio-political landscape, Vivian’s remarkable force has emerged as a beacon of hope, tirelessly working towards fostering peace in a region marred by historical conflicts. This is our friend Vivian Silver, a dedicated advocate for reconciliation and understanding in Israel, whose unwavering commitment to peace activism has made her a pivotal figure in the ongoing quest for harmony.

Vivian Silver's journey into peace activism can be traced back to her formative years. She was born in Winnipeg Canada, a member of the Habonim Zionist Youth movement, (same as my upbringing in Brazil). Born into a Jewish family, Silver was raised with a deep appreciation for her heritage and a keen awareness of the historical complexities surrounding the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

Educated in a diverse environment that exposed her to different perspectives, Silver developed a nuanced understanding of the challenges facing the region. In 1973, Vivian organized the National Conference of Jewish Women in the US. After moving to live in Gezer, Vivian founded the “United Kibbutz Movement's Department to Advance Gender Equality”. Vivian also worked within the kibbutz to organize programs to help Gazans, such as job training, and ensured that Gazan construction workers at the kibbutz were paid fairly. Vivian drove Gazan children to hospitals in Israel to receive treatment, and was always on call to help families in Gaza who needed additional medical support.

It was during the tumultuous periods of the Oslo Accords and the subsequent waves of violence that Vivian found her calling as a peace activist. Witnessing the human toll of the conflict and the profound impact on both Israeli and Palestinian communities, she realized the urgent need for grassroots initiatives that could bridge the deep-seated divides. Together with a group of Israeli and Palestinian women, Vivian founded the organization “Women Wage Peace” (nashim osot shalom). From their website: “The movement is non-partisan and does not support any one specific solution to the conflict. Instead, it empowers women from diverse communities to build trust across divides, leading in turn to a unified demand for diplomatic negotiation, with full representation of women, to end the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.” Through her participation in various peace-building programs, she forged connections with individuals from both sides of the divide, fostering relationships based on empathy, respect, and a shared vision for a peaceful coexistence. On October 4, 2023, Vivian helped to organize a peace rally in Jerusalem, which attracted 1,500 Israeli and Palestinian women, just a few days before the October 7th attack.

Vivian's initiatives aim to create spaces where individuals can share their narratives, dispel stereotypes, and humanize the "other." By fostering genuine connections, she believes that it is possible to build bridges of empathy that transcend political and cultural differences, laying the groundwork for lasting peace.

Just this past December, I met Vivian in Washington DC, when she spoke about Women Wage Peace and together with Palestinian women restored my faith and hope in the power of dialogue to build a peace process. The path to peace is fraught with challenges, and Vivian Silver has faced her share of obstacles. Criticism from hardline factions on both sides, skepticism about the feasibility of peace, and navigating the complex web of political realities have tested her resolve. However, her unwavering dedication to the cause has earned her respect from those who recognize the urgency of building a more harmonious future. Vivian's achievements, though often incremental, have been significant.

I met Vivian again in April of 2023, at my friend Susan Lax’s book launch in New York. I didn’t know then that this would be the last time I was able to hug her, learn from her wisdom, enjoy her captivating smile and irreplaceable friendship. In a month from now, on February 4, Vivian would have celebrated her 74th birthday. On October 7th, together with her friends and family, we all hoped that since her body wasn’t found inside her burned home in Be’eri, she might have been abducted by Hamas; that encouraged us to keep hoping Vivian would be still alive. Sadly, Silver's remains, which had been found in a different location in Kibbutz Be'eri, were identified five weeks after the attack; she was confirmed dead on November 13, 2023. I received the terrible notice about her confirmed death while on my way to the March on Washington. Alone on the bus, I cried for my dear friend and for all that she stood for, which seemed then so far-fetched. I am comforted by the thought that you can kill a person, but not an idea.

In the landscape of Israel's peace activism movement, Vivian Silver stands as a testament to the power of individual commitment and the potential for change. Her journey from a concerned observer to a proactive agent of peace reflects the transformative impact that one person can have on the trajectory of a nation. As we continue to uncover the horrors of this war, and try to make sense of the complexities of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict unfold, Vivian Silver serves as a source of inspiration, reminding us that even in the face of adversity, the pursuit of peace is not only noble but achievable. Through dialogue, understanding, and a shared commitment to humanity, Silver's vision for a more harmonious Israel offers hope for a brighter, more inclusive future.

It is hard to believe that someone like Vivian would have been killed by those to whom she dedicated her life. After the memorial for Vivian, we sat together at a friend’s apartment to process together the pain of her loss and to recount and celebrate her life, together with her sons and grandchildren. One of the mourners was Vivian’s partner in her pursuit of peace, Amal Elsana Alh’jooj, a Palestinian woman from a Bedouin village in the South of Israel. Amal told me she’s lost 47 family members in the current war, but the death of Vivian was the one that was the hardest of all. When I asked Amal if she still believes in peace between Palestinians and Israelis, she vehemently said yes. “Because there is no other option”, she said.

In honor of Vivian z”l and all the beautiful souls who were killed in the October 7th attacks, we must commit ourselves even more passionately to bring a future of peace for the two peoples, Israelis and Palestinians. For the sake of Vivian’s grandchildren and the future generations in the Middle East, we must continue to believe that peace is possible, and that it will be achieved through the small voices of people like Amal and Vivian, and not through the thunder of war.

May Vivian’s memory be a blessing to all those who were touched by her life and may her legacy of peace making and activism be an inspiration to all. Yehi Zichra Baruch



May you and your families be blessed with peace and health

Am Israel Chai

Ana Turkienicz

Ana

My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate.

- Thornton Wilder

I have this theory that once the 4th of July hits, the year is effectively over. People look at me funny when I say it, but it’s true. Summer flies by, then it’s Labor Day, then school starts, next we are trick-or-treating and then it’s December. December, which comes with its own peculiar pace and velocity.

And so it goes that in December we spend, or I spend, a lot of time thinking about what happened this year. What was good? What was remarkable? What did I do with myself? I drag my family through this exercise, too. It’s hard to get a glass of water around here without having to first give up a best thing about something; best thing about the summer, best new habit, best new recipe tried, best thing you did for a friend, best line you heard in a movie that you quote to others, etc. 

Lucky for me, the New York Times, cultivates all sorts of “best of” lists. From songs to restaurants, from culture to couture; these lists are simply fun to peruse. I am amazed about how much I learn about things I never even knew existed. The link for all the New York Times Best of Lists of 2023 is here, hoping you find something that is entertaining and/or resonates as we head into 2024. 



The Times also publishes a newsletter each day called The Morning. It’s like an abbreviated cliff notes version of the full paper. Last year, The Morning asked its readers to send in the best advice they received over the course of the year. I haven’t seen an updated version of this list yet so below please find last year’s winners. I figure the best advice is always going to be the best advice. And some of these are really great. 

In your closet and your life, subtract whenever you add. — Mary Shanklin, Winter Garden, Fla.

From the “Ten Percent Happier” podcast: Stop and recognize happy moments when you’re in the middle of them. Literally stop and say out loud, “This is a happy time.” It’s a way to ground yourself in the joyful parts of your life. We do this with moments of trauma and crisis all the time. Maybe we should flip that script. — Mary Guzzetta, Pittsburgh

You don’t have to identify with your feelings. — Rori Quinonez, Toledo, Ohio

The best advice I received this year was to stretch my calves regularly. It cured my mild knee pain. — Nicole Byer, Simsbury, Conn.

Parent the child you have. As a parent of a child with special needs, this is my mantra. But this is also true of any child. Stop trying to make your child quieter, louder, more outgoing, more interested in things their sibling likes and appreciate the unique and individual small person you’ve been given. — Sue Lanigan, East Aurora, N.Y.

If there is an issue bothering me, I think to myself, “Will this still be an issue in one week or in one month?” If the answer is no, it’s a small problem so I let the stress go and move on. — LaNae Williams, East Lansing, Mich.

If you didn’t have to keep working, would you? — Tom Myers, Holden Beach, N.C.

The best marriage advice

: Binge shows and movies in separate rooms. — Juli Leber, New York City

The best way to make a decision: Does it light me up? — Robyn Pichler, Weaverville, N.C.



I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days is 100 percent, and that’s pretty good. — Hudson, San Diego

Put 10 pennies in your left pocket. Find something for which you are grateful. Move one penny to your right pocket. You should find all pennies have moved to the right pocket at the end of the day. Celebrate. — Mike Wilson, Sedona, Ariz.

Stop reaching for people who aren’t reaching back. — Katya Davidson, Portland, Ore.

Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you have to do it, or that it’s good for you. — Divya Rao Heffley, Pittsburgh.

My advice -- be where your feet are, eat your ice cream while it’s on your plate and remember, we do make it through all the bad days.

Wishing you a 2024 full of only good health and happiness.

Lisa

Dear Friends, 



How can we at PJC shed light in the darkness?



A smile is a good starting point. It can be contagious. Contacting friends and family in Israel is a way to show support in this difficult time. I have found my friends in Israel to be truly appreciative of my interest in their well being. Opening your house to friends and neighbors can also spread light. Attending services and events at the PJC can foster a feeling of community and shared purpose.

And, consider the words of F. Scott Fitzgerald,

"The test of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in the mind at the same time." There just may be a middle ground on which to compromise.

Have a Happy & Fulfilling 2024!

Barbara

Perfect Enemy

by Alex J. Sinclair

A page-turning thriller, Perfect Enemy also poses difficult questions about trauma and revenge, the desire for peace, religious extremism, and the schisms of the Middle East.

It wasn’t only the intricate twisting plot that grabbed me but also the honest portrayal of modern Israel with its ingenuity, contradictions and antagonisms. Reading Perfect Enemy, I felt as if I was walking down the streets of Tel Aviv, Jerusalem and the West Bank with a discerning Israeli guide.

Racing from the high-tech labs of Tel Aviv to the gossip-laden corridors of the Knesset and storming the rugged hillsides of the biblical West Bank, Sinclair draws on his deep familiarity with local politics, customs and social cues to keep the action thundering toward a startling, thought-provoking payoff.

Although Perfect Enemy was written before the October 7th Simchat Torah massacre by Hamas and the subsequent war, it's themes can help shed light on how we got to this difficult place. In an interview Sinclair says, "I hope that this novel will add its voice to the conversations, issues and questions that this period has brought forth, perhaps shedding a different, more textured kind of light. Fiction, ironically, can sometimes provide a depth of understanding that fact cannot….” 

Barbara

Outing at Some Beautiful Place

by Yehuda Amichai

With a Jewish girl

who has American hope

in her eyes and whose nostrils are still

very sensitive to anti-Semitism.

"Where did you get those eyes?"

Eyes like those one does not receive at birth--

so much color, so much sadness.

She wore the coat of a soldier, discharged

or dead -- in victory or defeat --

in some worn-out war.

"On a bonfire of burned letters

it is impossible to cook even one cup of coffee."

After that to continue walking

to some hidden place

at which a wise and experienced field commander

would have put his mortars.

"In summer, after you, this hill

gets covered by a soft thought."

"Share a Simcha" allows congregants to share their news with our PJC community. Please submit news about family members -- engagements, births, job updates, kid achievements, community acknowledgements and any other milestones -- to the HaKol Editor, Barbara Saunders-Adams.

. Mazal Tov to Ana & Neco Turkienicz as they celebrate the 41st Anniversary of their wedding.

. Mazal Tov to Bob Kahn as he celebrates the 74th Anniversary of his Bar Mitzvah.

. Mazal Tov to Jon Kasper of the Pelham Manor Volunteer Fire Company, who was recognized as Volunteer Responder of the Year.

Share a Simcha is a regular HaKol feature, so keep your news and updates coming!

Donations to the PJC

Ira and Jo-Anne Weinberg

Daniel Kushnick and Janice Goldklang

Emily and Justin Pauley

Donations to the Rabbi's Discretionary Fund

Benjamin Resnick and Philissa Cramer

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Checks made out to the Pelham Jewish Center can be mailed to Pelham Jewish Center, P.O. Box 418, Montvale, NJ 07645. Credit card payment instructions are on your monthly emailed billing statement, or go to https://thepjc.shulcloud.com/member. 

If you are interested in paying via appreciated securities or IRA distributions, please email Mitch Cepler.

It is the policy of the Pelham Jewish Center to make every effort to assist members experiencing financial challenges. Financial challenges should never be a barrier to being an active member of the PJC community. You can reach out to President Steve Martin, Treasurer Mitchell Cepler or Rabbi Benjamin Resnick to speak confidentially concerning your ability to pay PJC dues and Learning Center tuition.