Hey Doc,
I'm losing faith in "The System." I know you receive a ton of emails but I hope you'll take the time to reply to this one.
I live outside the United States and bought your book when I was a teenager; I'm in my twenties now. All along I thought it was the best money I ever spent...until now. Throughout the years, I have accumulated some experiences that are in conflict with the teachings of "The System." Please hear me out.
Yes, I agree that Interest Level cuts across all cultures, that girls help you out when they are interested and that counteroffers are important. However, don't you think that your method of testing Interest Level might be flawed when applied to more conservative cultures? I feel that some aspects of "The System" should be revised. My rationale is that measurement of Interest Level varies across cultures. Girls might give out numbers to guys, but they may also want to know more about those guys through texting and phone chats before going out with them. Refusing to go on a date or not giving a specific counteroffer does not necessarily mean they have Interest Level lower than 50%! Perhaps they do have an Interest Level that's higher than 50% but the method used to test it is flawed because it's a different yardstick of measurement. Could it be that, for them, going out on a date means a 65% Interest Level?
Here's another point. I recently got a lady's number and called her for a date after a week. We chatted a bit and I did not reveal details about myself to her (Challenge). I ended by saying "You can find out more about me if you'll have lunch with me." Unfortunately, she gave me the "I don't know" reply without a specific counteroffer. I ended the conversation after some small talk and was devastated. To my surprise, she texted me shortly afterwards and said "I have done some investigations through our mutual friends and have found out more details about you." We went on texting for a while. Well, this is still a counteroffer, right? Doesn't this mean she wants to take things slow? What would have happened if all contact was ceased and her phone number flushed?
The point is that we evaluate women through their Interest Levels but they are screening us through new communication technologies such as Facebook. Why would a woman waste time meeting men face-to-face when she can find out more about them through texting, messaging or their Facebook profile? I'm not saying we do not have to close the deal, because we do. But don't you think that it is too premature and too extreme to make a decision using your method, based on just one call?
Doc, I am grateful for your knowledge, but I can no longer steadfastly practice your methods as I used to.
Yacqui - who is curious to hear what you have to say
Hi Yacqui,
When a guy is in "conflict" with "The System," it means that some women have sold to them that it doesn't work with them. But in reality, those women merely have low Interest Levels or bad attitudes. My principles still work - they always work.
My methods are most definitely NOT flawed when it comes to more conservative cultures. However, while in some more conservative countries you might not kiss a girl on the second date, if she has high Interest Level in you she will still light up like a Christmas tree, she will still touch your arm, she will laugh at all your corny jokes and she will show up on time. To you Psych majors, while you might not kiss a girl on a second date in certain cultures, it doesn't mean the entire "System" is flawed. In that situation, you would simply modify that single point - that's all.
Furthermore, and perhaps most importantly, measurement of Interest Level DOES NOT vary across cultures. So your assumption here is dead wrong. When a girl has 80% Interest Level in you in Montana and she has 80% Interest Level in you in the Philippines, she still has 80% Interest Level in you. The only difference is that one girl you might kiss, and one girl you might not kiss as quickly. But regardless of when the kiss happens, a girl will show her Interest Level. She will just show it in other ways.
Dude, all women want to know more about you, but you're not supposed to give in to them. That's part of being a Challenge. Every other guy blurts his guts out during texting and phone calls for six or eight weeks, but he will probably not even get a first date. What a waste of time!
Yacqui, not giving a counteroffer or refusing to go on a date with you DOES mean the woman has less than 50% Interest Level. When she likes you she has an Interest Level of above 50% and when she doesn't, it's below 50%. It's that simple. For a babe to go out with you, she must have Interest Level of 51% or higher. If she won't go out with you, her interest is 49% or less. What you don't understand is that you're struggling to build rapport through texting and chatting because she doesn't want to spend time sitting across from you. And that's because she had low Interest Level to begin with and you didn't pass the Physical Attraction Test.
You shouldn't have told the lady that she could find out more about you if she had lunch with you. You should have just asked her out. You should have said "Listen, I'd like to you take you out to dinner and I'll pick you up at six o'clock on Thursday." Like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "You're going on a date, not a business meeting." So you're destroying "The System" just by how you asked the lady out. When she said, "I don't know" and didn't counteroffer, it meant her Interest Level was 49% or less. Again, it's that simple. You're reading too much into it and rationalizing.
Now let me get this straight. You were devastated by a woman who you've never been out with? That means you've got other problems, my friend. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, "Boy, you're way too sensitive." It's all right to get sensitive when you go out with a girl for six months and she drops you cold, not when you don't get a first date.
And you're wrong about her alleged counteroffer. It wasn't a counteroffer at all. A counteroffer applies to dates, not texting. You can text a girl until the cows come home but she will probably never give you the first date. That means she's a stroker, a time-waster. Are you sure you have the right book? And like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, "The reason she's taking things slow is because she's not interested in you." Yacqui, if you'd have flushed this lady's number, you wouldn't have blown a lot of time with somebody whose Interest Level is south of the border.
A woman can't find out about a man through texting and chatting because she can't SEE him. Therefore she can't read his body language. She's only looking at some letters and digits on a phone pad. She's not looking at the way he moves, or his face, or his eyes, and she's not hearing his voice and the way it modulates. Therefore she - and YOU -- are missing all of that crucial interplay. Texting is only 30% or 40% of communication. Without assessing body language you don't know what a woman really feels or what her true responses are.
Pal, it's not at all premature for a guy to base a decision on one phone call. If a woman is not available at that time, you move on and it's over.
One more thing. You haven't been practicing my methods, Yacqui. If you had, you would know what's going on right now.
Remember, guys: "The System" took 40 years to build, so keep the faith.
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ADVANCED SYSTEM CLASS
6/30/11
THE SYSTEM & THE "THANK YOU FOR SETTLING FOR ME" GUY
To all the misinformed out there, THE SYSTEM is not dogma, it doesn't order you to do anything. If you choose to ignore the common sense of THE SYSTEM that's obviously your call, and good luck to you.
If you're looking for a short-term relationship (a one or two night stand) or you want verification that her LOW INTEREST LEVEL in you (below 50%) can be fixed, THE SYSTEM is not for you. Again, good luck to you.
This ADVANCED CLASS we write every week is a response to the avalanche of bad information that is rained down on guys every day about dating and relationships. I wish I could say that we're turning the corner but we aren't. Too many guys are still getting into relationships that cause them a world of hurt. Why? Because they don't want to hear the truth. There's no other way to explain it.
You've heard the comment "the husband is usually the last to know," it's true, the guy that doesn't pay attention to RED FLAGS before he marries her isn't going to pay attention to RED FLAGS after he's married.
THE SYSTEM is page after page of common sense, mothers and fathers should get their sons (and daughters) a copy of my book "THE DATING DICTIONARY," it will open their eyes and minds to what they need to know about one of the most important parts of their lives, IE, dating and relationships.
Guys, were raising a generation of WIMPS, there's no shortage of talking heads out there giving guys bad advice about dating and relationships.
They make stupid throw-away lines like the guy that thanked his wife for "settling for him!" Of course it always gets a chuckle and a knowing nod yes from other women. Words have meaning, what does her "settling for you" really mean?
It may have meant she was chasing a guy she had HIGH INTEREST LEVEL in while keeping the guy she eventually "settled for" as her backup. He was an afterthought. Do you think she was thinking of the guy she "settled for" while she was kissing and making love to the guy she had HIGH INTEREST LEVEL in?
When she can't get "the man of her dreams," a dishonest woman will "settle" for our "thank you for settling for me" guy. It happens all the time, as the line from the Stephen Stills "Love The One You're With" Song says: "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."
A woman that "settles" for a man is doing it because of attrition, not love. Hey, some guys are blissfully ignorant and happy just to be with her, but when she closes her eyes and kisses him, who do you think she's thinking of? Him, or the man of her dreams?
I can see it now, they're giving their wedding vows: "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband- to love, honor and obey him till death do you part?" She looks around, pauses and then says: "Actually, I'm settling for him, the guy I really wanted dumped me." Would that ever happened? Ha ha, NOT!
No, women marry guys they have LOW INTEREST LEVEL in all the time. The guy then spends the rest of his time in the marriage asking her "what's the matter honey?"
Don't be that guy.
Until next week, thanks for all your support.
Jeff and I appreciate it.
