Hey Doc,

I've been reading your columns since I was 18, but never purchased your book because I always felt I did pretty well for myself playing the field. I have had two serious girlfriends and lots of short-term relationships. I'm now 23 and have a relationship issue that I don't know how to deal with as relationships are not my strong suit.  

I met Belle last fall. She pursued me very heavily, once texting me when she was drunk to tell me how attracted to me she was. I was in the process of finishing school when we met, and found out that I was eligible for a work program that would allow me to travel the world for several months. I informed Belle of this and told her we should move slowly. She seemed fine with it at the time, but I then realized from the infrequency of her contact with me afterwards that it wasn't really okay with her. Before Belle could get too hurt, I ended it.

When I got home from my travels, I decided to call Belle to see if she would go out. She agreed and was very excited about our date. We went out, had a few drinks and a nice time. Since then we have gone out three more times. Things are moving slowly and they have not advanced past kissing. Here's the issue: on a couple of occasions Belle brought up a guy friend of hers from work. She doesn't say much about him except that they both dislike their jobs and that they ran a marathon together. Also, we have had to reschedule dates a couple of times because she had plans, which she won't say much about.  

What throws me off is that before I left to travel, Belle was aggressive and made her intentions clear, but now she is more passive and harder to read. Is this because I left her high and dry the first time around? I have to wonder if she is seeing this guy from work on the side. Heck, if I had a girl on the side I would probably operate in a similar manner as Belle does. Any coaching would help because I don't want to waste my time with Belle if she has someone else.

McCarthy - who's scratching his head

Hi McCarthy,

You might have done "pretty good" playing the field in the past, but "pretty good" isn't perfect. Don't you want to be great with women? Or are you content being a mediocrity? Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, "If you don't know how to handle women, they will always make you suffer." THE ONLY WAY TO BECOME GREAT WITH WOMEN IS TO GET MY BOOK AND MEMORIZE IT. If relationships are not your strong suit, why didn't you get my program? If you'd had "The System" for the past five years - which you easily could have - you wouldn't be writing me right now. Think about it.

You shouldn't have told Belle anything, pal. You should have just said that on account of your work, you would have to be traveling for some time. You certainly shouldn't have told her to go slow or fast -- or any speed for that matter. It's okay to let her know about your job and traveling obligations, but when you tell her to slow down, you're talking about HEAVY stuff after just a couple of dates. You're supposed to keep it light and funny, and no serious subjects. But you don't know that because you don't have my book.

Why did you have to announce that you were ending this thing before Belle could get hurt? Like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "Do you think she's suicidal just because you went out with her a couple of times and then stopped?" You're overrating how much this girl likes you, McCarthy. You must really think a lot of yourself.

Why is Belle talking about other guys if she's supposedly likes you so much? If she won't say much about her plans, it means she's hiding something from you. You're being open about why you have to travel for your job, but she's not being open about why you have to reschedule dates. This is a big RED FLAG, McCarthy. Again, all red flags are covered in my book, which you could have had for the past five years. But since you do "pretty well" with women, you didn't need it, right?

So now you're upset that Belle isn't throwing herself at you like she did before you went on your trip. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, "What did you expect, that you would come back and she would wrap her arms around you after you dropped her and went gallivanting around the world?"

I got news for you, my friend. Belle's not really passive and harder to read than she used to be. She's only harder to read if you don't understand women, which you don't since you're not familiar with my program. The kernel of your problem is that Belle just has low Interest Level in you. Women with low interest in a man back off and get passive. So stop rationalizing, like 90% of the men out there. Of course she's acting this way because you left her high and dry the first time around. That's a no-brainer.

The guy she works with is not the problem here. You're the problem, McCarthy. It's very simple. So this situation is not a matter of Belle having someone else. It's a matter of Belle merely having low interest in you. Get that through your head - and get my book.

Remember, guys: if she's getting harder to read, it means she doesn't dig you anymore.

DatingWomenProducts.com Featured Product Of The Week

Guys,

We've got a perfect item for you to have in your collection for when your girlfriend comes over.  Also, when you hear Doc talk about watching movies, TV or sports on the show, he has a special TV that he enjoys all of that on. 

Listen to Doc talk about the both those products in segment 1 of the show tonight and click here to check them out.

ADVANCED SYSTEM CLASS

6/2/11

Men Of A Certain Age

You remember "Everyone Loves Raymond," the TV sitcom about a sportswriter (played by Ray Romano) and his family.  Romano is a standup comedian that also co-wrote the show.  He's a very talented and smart guy.

In the series, the men were all WIMPS, except for Romano's father, he was the MACHO GUY.  Of course, they were all clueless and the butt of most of the jokes.

It ran for 9 years, why?  Clever writing, funny, with a great cast, and oh yeah, it had the women in the audience nodding yes, IE, make the guys dolts. 

The women?  Of course, they're well-rounded, life smart and complicated, much deeper than those clueless guys. 

Romano has a new TV series, "Men Of A Certain Age." 

It's about three middle age men, their friendship with each other and their relationships with women and life in general.  What's positive?  It's about men, there's not many non-cop shows about men.  What's negative?  More on that later.

In a recent Parade Magazine interview they asked the 3 actors, Romano, Braugher and Bakula ("The Men Of A Certain Age") the question:  "You've all been with your wives a long time.  Any relationship advice for the readers?"

Here are their responses.  Here we go again guys!

"Obey!"  "Communicate and obey!"  Romano says he's needy and craves attention- he's lucky "his wife is not a narcissist  and removed from show business," IE, "she lets me do my thing."

What?

Do you really believe that Ray Romano, the multi-million dollar man is an "obey your mommy" kind of guy?  What bull----!  "She lets me do my thing."  HA!

What do they mean by obey?  Obey means your wife (or girlfriend) has become your mommy.  Pick up your room!  You're not going out tonight!  Eat your peas!  Ha ha.  Give me a break.

"Communicate" doesn't go with "obey."  What are you going to communicate?  That you understand you must obey?   "Yes dear, no dear, can I go golfing dear?"  Nonsense.

To obey is to be henpecked, to be henpecked is to be disrespected, to be disrespected is to become the topic of conversation that goes like this:  "He's such a dolt, he can't do anything right, I have to lead him around by the nose."

Who does your wife/girlfriend share these observations about you with?  Her girlfriend, and if you continue to obey it will be with her new boyfriend- you know the one that she thinks acts like a man, IE, he doesn't obey her.

Communicate?  Of course.  Obey?  Get out of here! 

What's negative about "Men Of A Certain Age?"  More whining males; Romano is good at whine (it's made him a fortune).  Their daddy doesn't like them, they can't get the big part (one of them is an actor), they failed at their marriage in the series.  It goes on and on.

It's just another way of making men out to be dolts- as I said before Romano is a smart guy, he knows what sells.

Guys, stick with the common sense of THE SYSTEM, it's full of life lessons, none of which include obeying a woman.

Until next week, thanks for your support.

Jeff and I appreciate it.