Hey Doc,

I need your opinion. First of all, I've been an owner of "The System" for over a year now and have put your advice to good use. The eye-opening part for me is that the relationship is totally based on the woman's Interest Level and nothing else.

My issue is with an amazingly stunning woman named Jasmine. We met at a party three years ago. She couldn't get enough of my attention and begged me to stay and talk with her all night. We dated for a while until she moved out of state. When she moved back, we started dating again. I maintained Challenge the whole time and even ended our friendship when she disrespected me once. She apologized and promised to never do it again. Impressed with the Integrity she displayed, I allowed our friendship to continue. This time when we started dating again she said she wanted to be my girlfriend.

Recently when I ran into a couple of relatives while with Jasmine, I introduced her as my friend and not my girlfriend. This made her upset and she accused me of not being in love with her or for some reason embarrassed by her. The truth is that I wanted to move slowly with her. Now she's not calling me as much, and has not even returned a couple of my calls. I know I'm not supposed to be calling her more than she calls me, so I've stopped after two unanswered calls.

Doc, I feel Jasmine's Interest Level has dropped like a rock. What should I do to get it back up? Am I being a Macho Boy by not chasing after Jasmine? I don't want to drop her Interest Level even more by being less of a Challenge. Is she just testing me over some small issue?

Please help me decide what to do.

Hitchcock - who can't figure her out

Hi Hitchcock,

You are indeed correct: the relationship is based on the woman's Interest Level and nothing else. But what most men tend to do is confuse their own feelings with the woman's feelings. To you Psych majors, this is called PROJECTION and has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with the Reality Factor. But if you internalize the techniques of "The System" you'll be on guard against that very dangerous tendency.

What you didn't realize, dude, was that the outcome of your relationship with Jasmine was determined very early on, when she moved out of the state. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, "If she really loved you, she wouldn't have moved a thousand miles away." So right there this thing was DEAD IN THE WATER. Over. Finito. To you Psych majors, when a woman decides to put a lot of distance between the two of you, she's telling you something. Hitchcock, you weren't listening to what Jasmine was saying to you.

Now take a close look at what happened between you and this lady. First she moves out of the state, and then she comes back and disrespects you. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, "Do you see a pattern here?" If you don't, you should, my friend.

You say that you allowed your relationship with Jasmine to continue after she dissed you, but what you should have done instead was tell her to get lost for a couple of months. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, "When a man robs a bank, he might tell the court he's sorry, but he still has to go to jail." In other words, Jasmine has to pay for her sins, guy. Like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "When she dumps on you, why the heck are you giving her a free pass?" Hitch, you let Jasmine go easy when she dissed you because you have no Self-Control and can't stand the pain of being alone.

You shouldn't have introduced Jasmine as your friend or your girlfriend. What's wrong with just saying, "This is Jasmine?" That said, I can understand why she might have been insulted by not being referred to as your squeeze. But it's just a smokescreen in the end because this thing had no life in it from the minute Jasmine moved out of state to get away from you. Her Interest Level was on the way into the tank at that point.

The reason Jasmine's not calling you or even returning your phone calls now is because her Interest Level has dropped precipitously, to well below the 50% mark. And it means that you're finished, Hitchcock.

There's nothing you can do to revive Jasmine's Interest Level because it has gone way south of the border. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, "Once it's down there, it ain't never comin' back." You would know that if you had committed my book to memory by reading it at least 15 times. If you had memorized "The System," if you had lived with it and used its principles every single day, the book would have become INSTINCTIVE for you and you wouldn't be asking me the questions you're asking now because you would already know the answers. And in this case, you would grasp that Jasmine wants nothing to do with you and that it's time to move on.

No, you shouldn't call Jasmine again. Why would you want to beg her for attention when it's obvious that she doesn't want to give you any? When a woman leaves two of your calls unreturned, the ballgame is over. Not chasing after her when she won't give you the time of day has nothing to do with being a Macho Boy. Like my cousin General Love says, "It just means you still have a few shreds of dignity left."

Hitchcock, you can't drive Jasmine's Interest Level any lower at this point. She's not testing you over any issue at all, so there's nothing to decide.

Remember, guys: when she moves out of state, it means she's not interested in you.

ADVANCED SYSTEM CLASS

8/11/11

Bride To Be Wants A Do Over On Proposal
(A Dear Abby, AKA Jeanne Phillips Dose Of Bad Advice)

Ahh, the perfect storm.  A clueless male, a STRUCTURED WOMAN and advice from Dear Abby.  Guys, you don't ever want to be a part of that trifecta!

It seems our clueless guy asked his fianc�e Vanessa (they've been engaged for almost a year) to marry him.  He took her to one of her favorite spots in the Smokey Mountains.

He says when he proposed to her, she was overcome with emotion and said yes.  What's THE SYSTEM say about proposing guys?  Women with HIGH INTEREST LEVEL will ask you!  She will have asked you several times in different ways, all saying the same thing:  "Let's get married."

When it comes from the woman, it leaves no doubt.  You won't have to waste your time asking for silly advice from Dear Abby or anyone else. 

Read on guys, after his girlfriend Vanessa said yes, our clueless friend says this:  "But she wasn't at all happy about being surprised, she doesn't like surprises!"  He goes on:  "At the time, I was sure she had an inkling about my intentions, we had discussed becoming engaged several times."

Here's the kicker guys, they're to be married in 3 months and she wants him to re-propose to her!  He tells Dear Abby:  "It makes me feel like my first wasn't good enough and it's really upsetting me- what would you recommend?"

Before we give you Dear Abby's advice to our clueless friend.  Let's review, he's been engaged to this girl for over a year!  A year guys.  He said she doesn't like surprises.  What?  Why was she surprised?  How many times have we said it guys?  When they like you, they help you and if you've been engaged for over a year, a woman with HIGH INTEREST LEVEL in you will leave no doubt as to what she wants.

She's a STRUCTURED WOMAN and her wanting him to re-propose is a HUGE RED FLAG.  She's more concerned with how he proposed, then why he proposed.  In her own words here's Dear Abby's advice:  "I recommend you clear the air with Vanessa ASAP.  Tell her you intended to propose only once in your life, and that her request has hurt your feelings."  Wow.  Dear Abby finishes with this:  "If she still insists on a second proposal, ask for a script so you won't disappoint her again."

Say what?

He's disappointed her?  HA!  Here's my advice to this clueless guy- if there's going to be another proposal she will have to ask you, if she does, say thank you, but no thanks and move on.  She's a STRUCTURED DRAMA QUEEN.  If you marry her, you're going to spend a lot of time saying "yes dear, I'm sorry dear, you're right dear."

She's a nag in waiting and you're her target.

Until next week, thanks for all your support.

Jeff and I appreciate it.